Am I selfish about holiday

[desperatedino]

We have a holiday booked in July to the med for me, DH, and our 3 DC.

I have been looking forward to this in ages as we really don't spend much family time together.

DH has just announced that SIL is going to be joining us, all this was arranged without my consent, I told DH I was hoping it could be just us and he went off on one completely saying I was selfish and it's his holiday too.

I don't dislike SIL but she is a drama queen and caused a row when she came away with us before.

So AIBU to just want us on holiday?

[ButchCassidy]

I would be so disappointed. It would change the whole dynamic. OP stand firm

[desperatedino]

5 weeks 4 seasons hell on earth. He gone to work now but I very childishly told him he was a selfish bully who puts him self first before he went.

[desperatedino]

I was so upset I was sobbing silently all evening. More angry now.

[MrsKoala]

That's not childish OP - it's the truth isn't it?

[handcream]

Why does he want your SIL to go. Just her?

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I wouldn't be happy either, family time is very rare for our family unit.

[MrsKoala]

The thing is to me it wouldn't be missing out. It would be going and spending money on being miserable. I'd rather cancel, have the money of 'my share' and go somewhere i with people i wanted to be with.

[bubalou]

So 'if' there are spaces left and she manages to book then you will have her with you, this isn't ideal but as you said -

1, you and the kids shouldn't miss out
2, you will get agro from mil (not fair btw)

So what will happen will happen. It sucks arse but it think now - let it go completely and watch him regret the decision.

She will no doubt keep asking him questions and causing a fuss about flights and rooms etc and I reckon half way through the holiday he will regret inviting her.

You can just sit back smugly and watch him squirm.

[LemonBreeland]

How can you be the unreasonable selfish one when he invited her behind your back on purpose. I would say he has been incredibly selfish ruining a holiday for you and your dc.

[OurMiracle1106]

Id would be tempted to invite a member of my family without telling him and wait for his response to it. I dunno maybe your mum or someone......

[catsmother]

I feel so sorry for you. He's not just a selfish bully but also a selfish lying bully who's obviously been plotting all this for some while.

However much you like someone - relatives, friends, next door's dog - whoever, you just don't unilaterally decide to invite someone else on a family holiday without discussion. And in this case, the person in question has past history for trouble.

Even if she was lovely that's not the point. A.n.other body changes the dynamics .... and it certainly isn't conducive to relaxed, romantic couple time after the kids have gone to bed if you have a gooseberry hanging about.

Yes ... if he won't back down, let him cancel, let him go off with the precious sister who can't be refused, and book somewhere nice for yourselves and the children. But that would still make me very angry and very sad - because the point of a family holiday is to create family memories with both parents (if you're not a single parent obviously) and to spend quality time with your partner - which of course would then be wrecked by his heavy handed selfishness.

Which means that if he prefers to forego that by prioritising his sister you have to wonder very seriously where his loyalties really lie. It's disgusting he'd do this to you all.

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

If you get on ok with her, I actually don't see what the problem is.

The holiday will be what you make it, regardless who is there.

There is no way I would need to ask my dp if my brother could be invited anywhere and also that goes to dp in regards to his family.

I'm sorry op but I think your being bratish and to change the kids holiday to prove a point is just mean.

Why dont you stay at home on your own and let them all have a good time? I would also be concerned at how your dh feels about discussing things with you as you come across hostile.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

YANBU
He has behaved badly. It's most unfair to disrespect your viewpoint in this way.
But. I don't really see what you can do now without the dc's losing out.
He's not going to cancel.
I would freeze him out for a bit just for self preservation

[BuggersMuddle]

I think your husband is behaving appallingly.

Neither of us would commit to holidays / overnight stays involving other family members or friends without speaking to the other. It's just common courtesy.

Having said that from your posts the invite itself is not the worst thing. He lied to you and now he want prioritise what you want over disappointing his sister. That would be the kicker for me, because whether he means it or not, he's treating you as thought you are fairly low down his priority list.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

How dare he not even ask. Fine to ask, discuss it and make a decision together, but to be kept out.of sevret plans that he knew you wouldnt be happy with is nasty.

[iseenodust]

No-one should ever invite another along on a family holiday without consulting the other adult. I would be seething and planning day trips for while on holiday that I know SIL wouldn't enjoy such as a waterpark or a Roman ampitheatre (bribing the DC if necessary) because I can be that petty.

[Marcelinewhyareyousomean]

I'd see my arse if my oh invited someone on holiday with us (as would he). Shame you can't go on holiday and he stays home for quality family time with 'his' family.

[iseenodust]

that should have been strike though not shouty statement of my failings

[desperatedino]

Softlysoftly I would never ask someone on Holiday without checking with my husband.

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

She is family.

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

She is his sister. He might feel sorry for her.

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

At the very least sh can watch the kids while you go out for meals and do something nice together.

[FullySwindonian]

Why don't you consider the addition of another family member as childcare? It means you and your husband can get quality time with eachother (because ou are going to need some talking time after this incident!) and your children can enjoy some time with their Aunty?