Am I selfish about holiday

[desperatedino]

We have a holiday booked in July to the med for me, DH, and our 3 DC.

I have been looking forward to this in ages as we really don't spend much family time together.

DH has just announced that SIL is going to be joining us, all this was arranged without my consent, I told DH I was hoping it could be just us and he went off on one completely saying I was selfish and it's his holiday too.

I don't dislike SIL but she is a drama queen and caused a row when she came away with us before.

So AIBU to just want us on holiday?

[MrsKoala]

I wouldn't stay at home either (the kids will probably get spun a line, have loads of fun and you'll be painted as a sulker). I'd insist sil be uninvited (and i'd suggest a weekend away or future break with her - which you are ALL on board with from the beginning) or the whole thing cancelled.

[OhCobblers]

Are you just going to leave it then? Or actually tell him to tell her that he made a mistake and that she now can't come?

[BolshierAyraStark]

So you're going to let him bully you into a shit holiday & simply let him know he's ruined it for you?

Fuck that either tell him to uninvite her or uninvite him-if the twat likes to prioritise them over you let him book another fucking holiday for just him & his sister.

[desperatedino]

Cobblers he said he'd rather none of us went than him telling her she's not going. I don't see why the children and I should lose out on the holiday we wanted.

I just don't see how this will be resolved.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Just book another holiday for you and the children. He sounds totally unreasonable. Let him go with SIL and pack his stuff whilst he's gone!

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Oh no, x-post.

Is he usually like this? I'm not saying it's divorce fodder or anything, but it's pretty bloody selfish. Why would he do this and not consult you?

[MostWicked]

What an absolute arsehole!
You have every right to be furious.

[desperatedino]

No not normally like this. He said I would say no so he never told me. Maybe the two of them should just eff off on holiday together.

[OhCobblers]

It will only be resolved one way or the other when you stop him treating you like crap. I know that sounds harsh but from what I'm reading it's true.
I've been really angry on your behalf reading this. He won't let his sister down so he'll cancel your holiday? Screw that, tell him to cancel and take yourself and the kids somewhere without him. I wouldn't go on principle.

[qwertybirdie]

Tell him to book himself a holiday with SIL. You and the kids can then enjoy yours.

[MrsKoala]

i'd go off with the kids myself and tell him to fuck off.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Exactly - he'll happily let you down but not his sister?! Where are his priorities? I'd be so upset if this were me - just the total lack of empathy he's shown you.

[Ludoole]

So he knew you would say no but invited her anyway????

[juneau]

he said he'd rather none of us went than him telling her she's not going

Fine, so tell him to cancel, and then re-book something for you and the kids. He's being an utter arse and he doesn't have a leg to stand on. As you say, I suspect he knows this, which is why he's being so defensive and arsey. He's also being extremely stupid - if you were going to piss someone off would you choose to piss off the person you have to live with, day in day out, or the one you don't?

[whatever5]

I would tell him that he can go on holiday with your SIL and you will go somewhere else with the children.

[Inertia]

You and the DCS are his primary family.

It's not his money , he isn't paying for it- it's money that belongs to the household. You are a SAHM and facilitate him being able to work.

Him planning this with his sister without even consulting you shows a total and utter lack of respect for you.

Of course you and the DC should not miss out because he is having a tantrum. I'd ring the sister yourself.

[Igggi]

If he "wins" this time, do you really think it will be any different in the future?

[whatever5]

I initially thought that he had just not thought about what he was doing when he invited her without consulting you and was acting like a twit as telling her she couldn't come after inviting her would understandably cause upset.

The fact that he knew you wouldn't want your SIL to go and deliberately went behind your back makes this much much worse.

[PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker]

Hahahahahahaha. He's having a laugh, isn't he? Who gave him the right to tell you what you're to do?

I wouldn't be going off on hols with him and I would also take responsibility of booking future holidays for the family and refusing to be specific about the details until you leave the UK.

Hope you get it resolved!

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

I don't honestly think you should "leave the dust to settle" for a few days, as this will surely send a message to him that you have accepted his 'ruling', and SIL will carry on with her booking.

I would have to make it abundantly clear that he can either take this holiday with SIL or with you & the DCs, and that you need to know which it is so that you can book something else for yourself & the DCs if necessary, what with flights & hotels getting booked up for the school holidays.

If he does actually say he'd rather go with SIL then that tells you enough to tell him to pack his bags (for good, rather than just a holiday).

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Also, out of fairness to SIL, she needs to know before she books and parts with her cash.

[SchoolsQs]

"i didn't tell you because you would do this" is a pathetic, childish argument!

I hope you have equal access to family money in order to book the planned holiday, without SIL and perhap your H if he really won't go without her!

[PatrickStarisabadbellend]

Personally I would leave your dh at home and go with your children.
What a tosser he is!

[4seasons]

I am furious on your behalf but it is probably too late to do anything about it now. However , he should be sitting down with you to have a conversation about how you were equal partners and that you have the right to your opinions . He is not your lord and master and the " what I say goes " attitude needs to be challenged.You have my sympathy as several years ago my DH invited his parents on a 5 week ( yes, 5 whole weeks with my in laws ) holiday to New Zealand ! It was supposed to be the holiday of a lifetime for us and we had saved hard for it . It was a nightmare to be honest. He told me at the time that he didn't think I would mind but if I did I should tell his parents they couldn't come !! Needless to say we had " the conversation " and he has not done it again .However , we couldn't un book the holiday without losing tons of cash . Please stick up for yourself or you will find yourself in many similar situations in the future .