Am I selfish about holiday

[desperatedino]

We have a holiday booked in July to the med for me, DH, and our 3 DC.

I have been looking forward to this in ages as we really don't spend much family time together.

DH has just announced that SIL is going to be joining us, all this was arranged without my consent, I told DH I was hoping it could be just us and he went off on one completely saying I was selfish and it's his holiday too.

I don't dislike SIL but she is a drama queen and caused a row when she came away with us before.

So AIBU to just want us on holiday?

[JuliaScurr]

'as he paid he can invite who he wants'? What? What??? WHAT???
how much would he pay for your work as cook, cleaner, child carer, etc?
he is a massive scrotum
this madness must end

[dreamingofsun]

if he knew you'd be like this then he shouldn't have done it. he is seriously off his rocker.

[jay55]

It's not going to be a holiday for you if you're going to be constantly worried about when sil is going to cause a row.

Call his bluff. Even if you and the kids end up camping in the garden.

[Pimpf]

Call his bluff let him cancel, then book somewhere nice for you and the children

No way would I be happy with this

[MrsKoala]

He said he knew I would be like this thats why he never said anything

He means that's why he never said anything till he thought it was too late and you'd have to back down. Therefore forcing you to do what he wants whether you like it or not - because you wouldn't embarrass him, rock the boat with MIL, or upset the dc. That's lovely isnt it? does he understand this is a holiday for YOU too? Or does he think your whole life is one big holiday?

I really wouldn't go after that comment!

[ruby1234]

Can you ring her yourself and tell her that this is a family holiday only?

Tell her she can arrange to go away with him (and the DC) another time.

[DenzelWashington]

I think you need to make a stand. Decisions like this should not be made behind your back. Either you all go without her, with perhaps a sop to her that you go with her on a long weekend at another time, or he goes with her and you take the children elsewhere.

[wobblyweebles]

I would be livid. My SIL is exactly the same, and a few years ago I put my foot down and said she was not coming on holiday with us (she had assumed she was).

It caused ructions but it was worth it.

[magentastardust]

"He has said she will get her own room.." -that's generous!

It isn't fair if it is a family holiday that this has been sprung on you. It makes the whole holiday different. As someone else said -would he mind if you invite someone else along or would he have had something to say about you doing that without discussing.

Do you like and get along well with SIL and her child? Could you maybe suggest a bigger family holiday next year but keep this one as planned?

[SybilRamkin]

"He has said she will get her own room.." -that's generous!

This! As if she'd be bunking with you!

You've got to sort your DH out, he's behaved like a prize twat and must not get away with this. Get him to call his sister and tell her that on reflection it might be better to have a family holiday this time, but also suggest a weekend away somewhere with her on x date so she doesn't feel rejected.

[Musicaltheatremum]

My brother occasionally came on holiday with me, my DH and children but I always asked my DH first. I would never dream of not asking. And my brother would only come for part of the holiday.

[DenzelWashington]

And all those years I was single and rather miserable I never expected to get to go along on my siblings' family holidays, and never to do anything arranged behind the backs of their spouses. That is really off, in my view.

[expatinscotland]

Cancel it. I would tell him to fucking cancel it.

[holidaysarenice]

Ring your sil and tell her straight that he is being a twat, it's family time and that you and the CDs won't be going with her. End it now. Then deal with your prat of a dh.

[Bunbaker]

Maybe there is a chance that the hotel and flights are already booked up?

I think you should show your husband this thread and point out that everyone agrees that he is being totally selfish and unreasonable.

[holidaysarenice]

And whilst taking the CDs on holiday could be interesting it should be dc's!!!

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

I'd tell him to cancel it because it's ruined now anyway, he's just going to hold this over you.

[desperatedino]

In response to someone that asked if I get along with SIL, we get on ok, just don't want to spend a holiday with her.

It has changed the dynamics of the whole holiday now, I'm no longer looking forward to it, might plan a mini break to see some friends with the children, sod him and sod her.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Why should you have to give up your family holiday that you have been looking forward to for ages, or disappoint your children? I would speak directly and firmly to her and say it is a family holiday, your family holiday, and She Does Not Come. She has caused trouble before and is deliberately causing it again; it looks as though she has been pressurising your husband, with years of practice. Never mind if it precipitates an extended family row; as someone pointed out, you are his family now and he needs to acknowledge that.

[Bunbaker]

"Why should you have to give up your family holiday that you have been looking forward to for ages, or disappoint your children?"

This ^^

I am so indignant on your behalf. Your husband has treated you as if you don't matter. Can you go and just ignore the SIL? Do what you and the children want and if your OH and SIL don't want to join in just leave them to it?

[juneau]

Sod the caravan, let him cancel & then rebook a nice hotel for you & the DCs. After all, he doesn't want the children to be disappointed!

^This.

What an arsehole! I'd call his bluff. Tell him to cancel.

[QuintessentiallyQS]

Well, with her there, you might as well cancel. Rather lose a deposit than waste time on a holiday you wont enjoy.

Tell him they dont have to book her another room, she can take your place. You will holiday at home, and he can holiday with her and the kids. He can have the time he wants with his sister.

The money he would have spent on a room for her, can be spent on a holiday for you elsewhere, or maybe with just the kids later.

[Bunbaker]

I think staying at home while everyone else goes is cutting your nose off to spite your face. The children won't enjoy it as much with mum at home.

[desperatedino]

Your right, I don't see why the children and I should forsake the holiday we had been looking forward to. He even asked me to choose the hotel, as I said before he is not usually an arse and we have had great holidays before.

I am going to let the dust settle for a few days and if he mentions the holiday I will tell him he's ruined it. I told him the other day I am not being unreasonable and I'm glad you all agree, then he stormed out, he knows he is in the wrong that's why he is acting like a petulant child.

I will keep the thread updated.

[patienceisvirtuous]

Don't do anything knee-jerk. You needoto both sit down and sort this.

Can a compromise be reached? SIL comes for part of the hol with a promise from DH that you get a family holiday next year without SIL - and he consults you in future before making a decision which doesn't only affect him?