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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be embarrassed but to go anyway?

357 replies

harriet247 · 20/04/2014 21:30

Dps best friend from primary has distributed his wedding invites today. Silly me thought I was invited Blush dp and I have been together 2 years and have 1 yr old dd.
All the other girlfriends/fiances have been invited but im not on the invite,not even as a plus one :/
I understand obviously money may be a factor or they dont want children there but nothing has been said.
Its 5 hours away and in a big posh hotel, we were both looking forward ro our first night away, with dd staying with lovely gp's.
Im thinking of just going anyway, nice spa during the day then get dressed up and go and join in the evening do.
But part of me is worried that I would be kindof embarrassing myself and them too? I cant jelp but think they dont wnt me there for some reason butI dont know either of them very well so I'm positive they don't hate me etc..
Aibu to go anyway?

OP posts:
SpiderNugent · 20/04/2014 21:32

Why cant oh ask as they are such old mates

EatShitDerek · 20/04/2014 21:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Raskova · 20/04/2014 21:36

I'd get your DP to gently put forward your suggestion. No need for embarrassment etc. there's probably a time limit on relationships or something to save costs. Less than five years means no invite or something Grin

WaitMonkey · 20/04/2014 21:36

You can't go if you're not invited. Even evening guest's have to be catered/paid for. Spend the day in the spa and the evening in your room if you want a night away but you can't go to the wedding.
Disclaimer, I dislike child free weddings though I understand why people have them. I've also never heard of inviting someone and not there long term partner before, what odd thing to do.Hmm

fuzzpig · 20/04/2014 21:37

Surely you can't go if you're not invited, there might not be space Confused

TheFarceAndTheSpurious · 20/04/2014 21:37

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Backtobedlam · 20/04/2014 21:37

I wouldn't just show up as they may have catered for the evening or could be really awkward. Could your DP just ask if it was ok for you to join the evening do?

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 20/04/2014 21:39

Good lord don't just turn up! Get your dp to ask him why you're not invited.

FindoGask · 20/04/2014 21:40

No, you can't just go! I don't understand why you'd want to? Fuck 'em.

BrokenToeOuch · 20/04/2014 21:45

Exactly what everyone else has already said. If you're that bothered, ask him why you aren't invited. You can't just turn up to an occasion that has been catered to a number of people - and would you want to, knowing that you haven't been invited?
You don't know either of them very well - they may just want to have people there that they do know well.
Wait, I don't know if it's a childfree wedding, OP just says that her DD isn't invited?

Original poster
harriet247 · 20/04/2014 21:46

I want to put a dress on onsteadofpjs and stay somewhere nice and have a little dance.
Dp wants to ask but I dont want to put them in an awkward position of having to explain budget blah blah blah
We are the only people in that group who have a child so I sort of think they just thought I would have to be home with dd?

OP posts:
Original poster
harriet247 · 20/04/2014 21:48

I do realise I am grasping at straws in feeble atyempt to not be unreasonable.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 20/04/2014 21:49

Ah bless you....sounds like you were ready for a lovely break....

I'm sure if they are such old friends your dp could ask re the evening invite....

Only1scoop · 20/04/2014 21:50

But no you can't just turn up Blush Grin

Figster · 20/04/2014 21:51

Seriously op you'd rather make an arse out of yourself turning up uninvited on their wedding day than have your dp just ask the question to one of his best mates?? Shock

Rosieliveson · 20/04/2014 21:52

I think you have to ask whether it would be ok to join for the evening really.
Not fair not to be invited really but definitely not on just to show up.

I hope you get to join in Grin

tripecity · 20/04/2014 21:52

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LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 20/04/2014 21:54

Get DP to ask. Explain you have booked the hotel already and it would be a shame to sit in the hotel room. They either say yes or no, and you take it on the chin. They may well say yes if someone has RSVP'd no.
I had someone who tagged herself along to my wedding. She wasn't invited because I didn't know her at all. She turned up with a couple I had invited. I was not impressed. Had they asked me if she could come I would have probably said yes. I thought it was extremely rude of them to just assume it was ok!
Ask or you run the risk of upsetting the bride on the day.

ChickyEgg · 20/04/2014 21:55

You need to know either way because, as others have pointed out, you just can't turn up to the evening do anyway!

OfficerVanHalen · 20/04/2014 21:55

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryWestmacott · 20/04/2014 21:55

Yabvu, sorry, but you can't just invite yourself to the evening do. Get your DP to decline, book a different hotel for the night, have a break that way.

If they've invited other long term partners but not you knowing you have a dc together, then they have deliberately snubbed you. If numbers where the issue then none of the other DPs would be invited, or your DP wouldn't have been invited. If they are rude enough to do this, they are rude enough to make a scene and throw gate crashers out.

ParkingFred · 20/04/2014 21:57

It's a bit odd that they haven't included you, but if you're not invited, you can't go - that would be very rude and embarrassing.

If it were me, I couldn't get dp to ask. I wouldn't lower myself. Fuck 'em.

Original poster
harriet247 · 20/04/2014 21:57

Onescoop recognises a woman in need Grin

But I mean, I am only small and I would not eat a single bite and am charming company for old uncles/aunts, I am never ever sick on myself AND I know all the words to living on a prayer.

Im basically the perfect wedding guest.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/04/2014 21:58

Your OH needs to ask. If the answer is no, I wouldn't go at all if I were him, and have a weekend away with you.

Original poster
harriet247 · 20/04/2014 21:59

100 percent Iabu so far though...Grin

OP posts: