Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be embarrassed but to go anyway?

357 replies

harriet247 · 20/04/2014 21:30

Dps best friend from primary has distributed his wedding invites today. Silly me thought I was invited Blush dp and I have been together 2 years and have 1 yr old dd.
All the other girlfriends/fiances have been invited but im not on the invite,not even as a plus one :/
I understand obviously money may be a factor or they dont want children there but nothing has been said.
Its 5 hours away and in a big posh hotel, we were both looking forward ro our first night away, with dd staying with lovely gp's.
Im thinking of just going anyway, nice spa during the day then get dressed up and go and join in the evening do.
But part of me is worried that I would be kindof embarrassing myself and them too? I cant jelp but think they dont wnt me there for some reason butI dont know either of them very well so I'm positive they don't hate me etc..
Aibu to go anyway?

OP posts:
UnderthePalms · 27/04/2014 10:37

At least you now know it is not a snub and is just down to their crapness

msrisotto · 27/04/2014 10:38

Wow. Firstly that he just left the guest list completely up to her and secondly that she didn't ask if there was anyone she had left out! Idiots!

Only1scoop · 27/04/2014 10:44

You and the 20 plus (back ups)Confused
Should have your own party....

Back ups waiting for a rejected RSVP

Obviously you won't be doing that so get planning your lovely break Smile

I was with a army man for many years went to many many forces weddings ....had hardly ever met the brides as they were always posted. Always got an invite though.

Wow....

SauvignonBlanche · 27/04/2014 10:48

Twenty people on a reserve list? That's taking the piss!

LineRunner · 27/04/2014 10:49

I now really want BrideGuestListZilla to start her own thread. Or possibly more productively, start building an extension onto the venue she chose.

ZenNudist · 27/04/2014 11:27

You'll probably get to go now. There's always some refusals. I've been upgraded from evening to full guest before now. No hard feelings at the time but the writing was on the wall. That friendship didn't stand the test of time.

ZenNudist · 27/04/2014 11:28

Their loss btw, you sound fun Smile

MaryWestmacott · 27/04/2014 11:52

Ah, i've met men like that, lots joke that once they've asked the bride, asked the best man, their job is just to turn up wearing what they are told at the time they are told at the place they are told and not have any other involvement - however, most know this is a joke. I guess he's gone and believed it.

Mind you, it was during an argument about the guest list at their planned wedding that my Cousin finally flipped, called the whole thing off and dumped his girlfriend (to my Aunt's horror, I think she prefered her future DIL to her DS, 9 years on and she's still not forgiven him) - it's a fraught time.

I guess your DP should do a formal RSVP decline saying in the invitation that he can't possibly attended a wedding where he has been invited without his partner. Hopefully putting the reason in writing will help focus the bride's mind. 200 guests and she's not thought to ask the groom for a guest list? Most odd.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2014 11:58

Bridezilla here we come. Reserve list goodness me, it sounds like a bug cock up has happened from the bride. If you are both not invited, don't go!

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2014 12:00

Tidy dancer does this round familiar, sounds a lot like gluezilla

aermingers · 27/04/2014 12:00

Ring and ask. I suspect it's one of two things. Either the groom has just been a typical bloke and hasn't been totally organised or had a good memory about who all his friends partners are, or it's simply a misinterpretation of the list by whoever was printing it out and it's some sort of mistake. A call will rectify and they will probably be mortified and it will be sorted out.

The other alternative is that they REALLY don't want you to come. Just leaving off one W or G when everyone else's +1 is included is not motivated by cost or space constraints, it's deliberate. If this is the case unless you've done terrible like snogged the grooms mother or let your dog shit on the bride's new white carpet or something.

If that's the case then unless you have done something terrible (and it doesn't sound like you have) he just shouldn't go. If they are just excluding you for some silly reason then they're obviously rude, childish and not real friends. He really should not go if that's the case, it would betray you and reward bad behaviour.

But he definitely should call and clarify this.

aermingers · 27/04/2014 12:01

Shit man. Didn't read 14 pages, thought it said 1. Sorry.

Lepreporn · 27/04/2014 12:18

I work with someone who is getting married this summer. She has said that myself and the rest of our team are on a b list to get an invite. If she gets enough people to RSVP that they can't make it. !
I don't mind if I'm not invited ,but please don't say I'm on a reserve list. It's rude.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2014 12:22

Lepreporn how rude, for that I would decline am invite if you are sent one.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2014 12:23

Op dp should then decline the invite, how rude and unacceptable to be treated like that.

IMetAManWhoWasntThere · 27/04/2014 12:46

no need for the sarky comments Harriet just because I wasn't pandering to you. You definitely don't seem like a lovely person when people are saying or doing the exact things you want them too ....

TheCatThatSmiled · 27/04/2014 13:33

IMetAManWhoWasntThere , I hate to break this to you, but this thread isn't about you Grin

Harriet, if they do find space, and your DP is happy to go, I would go. For the sake of his friendship.

Obviously if they don't then you both go somewhere else a have a lovely time.

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/04/2014 13:40

*sense of humour failure

Harriet - he will reap what he sows. Meanwhile you will be having a nice weekend away with your man. Win-win.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2014 14:44

Tidy sorry to hyjack, his is gluezilla, do you hear from her?

UnderthePalms · 27/04/2014 14:50

I'm now imagining the bride and groom sitting at the top table looking daggers at each other over the guest list cock up.

SolidGoldBrass · 27/04/2014 15:06

Actually, I think it's entirely plausible. Particularly as a squaddie is forbidden to have his own phone with him hence only justreplying.

And people do forget, sometimes, whether someone who is an old mate of their OH's but not a person they themselves know, has a partner or not.

But even if it's an excuse and they just ran out of room to invite the OP, the only thing to do is accept their apologies and go and do something nice together instead.

OHforDUCKScake · 27/04/2014 15:11

What sarky comments IMetAMan?
Hmm

AnnieLobeseder · 27/04/2014 15:23

Oh dear, what a mess, and I'm sorry you won't get to wear your sparkly frock and sing Living on a Prayer.

Could be worse, though. My cousin got married last year, and her brother's (also my cousin, obs) lovely long-term partner worked her butt off with the rest of the family, doing table arrangements, serving everyone drinks at the dinner the night before, generally running around doing everything that needed to be done.

And then on the day, my aunt wouldn't let her be in any of the family photos because she and my cousin weren't actually married. Shock

PenTheUltimate · 27/04/2014 15:41

This thread makes me feel anxious Grin so glad I don't have to organise a wedding any time soon!

Lepreporn · 27/04/2014 16:12

I will def not be going aeroflotgirl .