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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate stupid wedding dress codes

164 replies

Lambzig · 19/03/2014 10:06

Can I just have a quick moan about wedding dress themes imposed on guests?

DH and I have a wedding to go to in June where just had the invitation and the women are asked to wear white (the men black tie).

I look hideous and washed out in white and never buy it. I now have to try and find a flattering white dress. My DD4's dress will be white for ten seconds. I bet the bride is wearing a red dress and thinks she is being oh so original.

It makes me feel like I am photo shoot backdrop rather than a guest.

Before you say don't go if you don't like it, it is a good college friend of DH, I have known the groom for ten years, we don't live close, but see them about four times a year and it was looking forward to it.

OP posts:

Vatta · 19/03/2014 10:09

Agreed, it's annoying. Unfortunately you just have to suck it up!

I find some shades of white are much better on me than others, for me it's bright pure white, anything sort of creamy white looks terrible. Maybe experiment a bit?

Also presumably you could wear bright accessories - a shawl/pashmina in a bright colour would look good with white and help you not feel washed out

BlackeyedSusan · 19/03/2014 10:10

did it state how much white?

TravelinColour · 19/03/2014 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justtoomessy · 19/03/2014 10:12

I bet there is going to be a lot of orange, fake tan people at this wedding!

Poor you. How about ivory?

Thetallesttower · 19/03/2014 10:12

What a pain! I agree that this makes you feel like an accessory and like your presence is not enough. Plus some people aren't going to look good in white- lots of older people wouldn't wear it normally (ok if you are a 20 year old wearing a white nightie style dress) and it's inconsiderate to make everyone buy new clothes just for this occasion, especially something that then really can't be worn to another wedding as etiquette dictates you don't usually turn up in a long white dress!

ViviPru · 19/03/2014 10:13

The only white (ish) dress I own is my wedding dress. I'd wear that for shits & giggles. Have that, loony dresscode bride.

Thetallesttower · 19/03/2014 10:14

It would be quite tempting to turn up in a big white merengue wedding dress though, complete with veil. Presumably the bride is thinking it will all be tasteful strappy summer numbers, not that people will reuse their own wedding gowns. Could be fun?

Supercosy · 19/03/2014 10:15

God, that is so controlling and weird! I would be annoyed too, not least because I look horrible in white and would probably neve wear it again.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 19/03/2014 10:15

Since its black tie for the men, maybe you might be able to do monochrome or something like that.

Thetallesttower · 19/03/2014 10:15

Crossed posts with Pru- but let's face it, most people only have their wedding dress as a white dress, I bet there's a few in there!

Ugh- I guess you have to suck it up and go but I would be peeved too.

SilverOldie · 19/03/2014 10:16

YANBU - if I were to wear a white dress I would look like a ghost, my skin is so pale. I think it's an imposition to dictate what guests should wear. I know you can't not go but could you wear cream or ivory? Anything's better than white.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 19/03/2014 10:16

Also, yeah, it'd annoy me too, I wore black and red for my sisters wedding.

Lucky for me she aint a control freak.

ThePartyArtist · 19/03/2014 10:17

I agree with TheTallestTower!
Can you interpret it loosely, e.g. pale colours, or a white accessory? I imagine there'll be a variety of interpretations amongst the guests?

wyldchyld · 19/03/2014 10:19

In some ways, it can be done well - at a cousin's wedding, she asked everyone to wear a red accessory or piece of clothing because she wanted to commemorate her Dad who'd died of cancer six months before the wedding. It could legitimately be a small piece of clothing so people who disliked red could just wear a bracelet or necklace or something but it was nice =). I don't mind a request like that to wear a coloured accessory or to try incorporate a colour into an outfit but the all over colour scheme? Hate it.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 19/03/2014 10:20

Something like that maybe.

Optimist1 · 19/03/2014 10:20

Black and white?

2rebecca · 19/03/2014 10:22

I've never been to this sort of wedding and think it's very self indulgent to try and tell guests what to wear unless you're having a fancy dress party. I don't wear white, even my wedding dresses weren't white so would consider declining unless a close friend. If it was a close friend I'd probably tell them that I thought asking guests to buy expensive formal clothes in a colour they hate and may never wear again was a bit controlling. It may make her realise that the concept is nice but the practicalities of it just pisses people off, and do you really want matching grumpy women in dresses they hate at your wedding.

Original poster

Lambzig · 19/03/2014 10:22

Vivi, I was thinking of getting one of those made in China bridal gowns (you did say wear white), but probably a bit mean.

Have changed wording slightly so I don't out myself. Dress code specifies Black tie for men and boys, ladies and girls in white evening dresses please.

DH is happy as like most men he is deluded he looks like James Bond in black tie.

Sigh.

I am going to end up wearing a hideously expensive dress I hate, aren't i?

OP posts:

Thisvehicleisreversing · 19/03/2014 10:23

Would they turn you away on the day if you are wearing the wrong colour?

I'd wear whatever I already had suitable for weddings. I hate white and wouldn't buy something new that I'd never wear again. I'd feel unhappy and uncomfortable all day.

If they get funny on the day I'd say I wouldn't be any photos if that was their concern.

MrsPresley · 19/03/2014 10:23

Sorry but when the bride and groom pay for your dress then can dictate what you wear!

Just wear whatever colour you like, what are they going to do? Send you home again?

ViviPru · 19/03/2014 10:26

Joking aside, last summer I had 6 weddings to attend, and it was the devil's own job to find a nice dress that wasn't white....

Original poster

Lambzig · 19/03/2014 10:27

Maybe I need to get in touch with some others who are going and see what they are doing.

As a guest you want the bride to be happy, but I wonder if she will be faced with a room full of people ignoring it. (I know it might be the grooms idea too, but we know him quite well and can't see him coming up with this one).

If she had said black or white I think I wouldn't be moaning so much.

I think if I wore say blue and every other woman there was in white, I would feel dreadful and rude.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 19/03/2014 10:27

A white evening dress? They definitely want film extras not friends.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 19/03/2014 10:39

They are gonna be a couple who does those stupid "running towards the camera" photos, arent they?

ephemeralfairy · 19/03/2014 10:40

Just wear a wedding dress! I was invited to one of these in the summer (they had a cash-begging poem too...) I didn't go in the end but my friend went dressed in what was basically borrowed cricket whites
Seriously though, if I was invited to one again I'd have to just say to the couple that I either wore a dress I already had (ie not white) or I didn't go, as currently I can't possibly afford a new outfit as well as a gift, travel etc.

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