To hate stupid wedding dress codes

[Lambzig]

Can I just have a quick moan about wedding dress themes imposed on guests?

DH and I have a wedding to go to in June where just had the invitation and the women are asked to wear white (the men black tie).

I look hideous and washed out in white and never buy it. I now have to try and find a flattering white dress. My DD4's dress will be white for ten seconds. I bet the bride is wearing a red dress and thinks she is being oh so original.

It makes me feel like I am photo shoot backdrop rather than a guest.

Before you say don't go if you don't like it, it is a good college friend of DH, I have known the groom for ten years, we don't live close, but see them about four times a year and it was looking forward to it.

If you turn up in whatever evening dress you've got in your wardrobe with a breezy "Sorry, I don't have any white dresses, no-one's looking at me anyway hun" she might be miffed but I don't see how she can reasonably go round saying that she actually expected all her guests to shell out for such an impractical dress.

YANBU OP, who has a white evening dress just hanging in the wardrobe? They are asking you to buy an outfit specially which many people won't like or wear again. Which is quite rude IMO. If you don't feel comfortable just turning up in a nice dress you already own, I would suggest contacting them and saying I have nothing white, I don't wear white and can't afford to spend on something I won't wear. Would you like me to stay away or come in something else?

I've never been to a wedding where wearing a specific colour or any sort of dress code was specified! I find it very controlling. I have accidentally gone in the wedding colours a few times though when it is the wedding of close friends, put that down to "great minds".

I think if white didn't suit me, OP, I would be tempted to try cream or ivory as I couldn't believe the difference it made when I tried on wedding dresses.

I wore a cream linen trouser suit to a wedding once with black accessories and shoes.

If the men are in black tie wear a black dress. It won't stand out as being the wrong colour. Should be able to get a cheapish white sundress for your did.

Do you have a lbd?

Is the reception in a marque OP?

I can understand why everyone thinks it's a pain, and expensive to shell out for a white dress when lots of people really want to wear something they already have.

But I can understand why the bride wants it. I think it will make an amazing spectacle and look exceptionally glamorous with everyone dressed like this.

I am fairly certain I haven't been to a wedding where I've been told what to wear. Is this new? Or don't I mix in the right circles

Can you imagine if this wedding were at that hotel with a "one bride policy" who wouldn't let a MNer eat in one of their restaurants in a white day dress? Their little heads would explode at the sight of dozens of women in long white dresses...

Bowlersarm, I can understand why the bride wants it. I want a big house, mortgage-free, and a couple of foreign holidays a year, and a full-time cleaner. But that doesn't mean I'm going to get them or that it's reasonable to expect them. This kind of diktat is marginally acceptable if you are mega-rich and either (a) all your guests are also mega-rich or (b) you are paying to outfit them all so that they look nice in the photos, but not when you are expecting your guests to shell out for an evening dress in a very specific colour so that you can have the photographs you want.

Any wedding which requires any type of "performance" from the guests, other than simply turning up to help the couple celebrate is offensively tacky (and arrogant).
It would burn my hide to go along with this, tbh.

I'd wear a pale coloured dress I already owned and nod to it with a white jacket or something

Weddings are just turning into circus's these days. What a massive pain for everyone, the men will probably all have to go and hire a tux, i mean, who actually has a tux in their wardrobe? Is the wedding far away too? New outfits/travel/staying over/gift/hen&stag doos, it just ends up costing guests so much money. It's horrible.

I think it's rude to demand a dress code. Guests are paying enough to attend your wedding, with a gift, accommodation, transport etc. Without having to spend extra on an outfit they wouldn't have otherwise bought.

I have a floor length white formal gown, but only because it was the brides choice for us as bridesmaids (and I am not bitter at all about not having any say in the style/colour of the dress but still being handed a £300 bill for said dress...noooooo not at all). So I can pretend to be you if you like Id love to get another wear out of it feel like Ive had my moneys worth

Floggingmolly

Any wedding which requires any type of "performance" from the guests, other than simply turning up to help the couple celebrate is offensively tacky (and arrogant). It would burn my hide to go along with this, tbh

^This

YANBU.
I am helping to organise a wedding, and we are trying to make it as guest friendly as possible.

Are they confused?
This sounds like the dress code for the Royal Caledonian Ball!!!!

Or are they social climbers and wish all their friends were more posh and glamorous?

I am helping to organise a wedding, and we are trying to make it as guest friendly as possible.

Same here- my first thought was always for the guests. How they would get there, would any bits be boring for them, making sure they were fed, watered, looked after and entertained. And very mindful to how much they were spending to just be there on the day.

I'm a big busty fat girl and if I wore a formal white evening dress, I would look like a marquee...
This alone would be enough to make me refuse the invite.

How much is it goung to cost attending this wedding?

New outfits and tux hire on top of everything else.

Unfair of the b&g to specify colours/themes imo.

Sorry, had to go out, lots of good suggestions here.

I have two evening dresses, a black one I hate and a gold one which would stand out.

I love the idea of a tux, hadn't thought of that, but things like that can come up very wrong on me. My Aunt has a YSL le smoking from the 70s, I wonder if I could go have a try on.

They did ask for cash, but as the groom is in his forties and this is his first marriage, I can't imagine they need silver grape scissors, or whatever. They didn't have a poem though which is a huge disappointment.

I don't begrudge the cost of going at all and DH has a suit already. I just think its rude to tell your guests what to wear, no doubt just for the photos.

They do have a bit of an 'arty' self portrait habit from what I remember of their house last visit, so may run to the camera laughing, or lie on the grass with their heads in opposite directions or any number of things. Oh god, the photos are going to take hours, aren't they. There had better be drinks.

take a hip flask

and a very large multi-coloured scarf to cover up a cheap white dress.

i am large busted, short with dark hair and pale freckly skin. I would look hideous in whit.e

Hmm, been googling white evening dresses and they all look like wedding dresses unless they are overtly sexy and not suitable for a religious ceremony.

I am not sure she has thought this through, we are all going to look like brides. I wonder what her bridesmaids are wearing.

A quick google leaves me thinking this is impossible.

The only wedding I've been to where there was a dress code was a mixed Indian/English wedding. The Indian mother wasn't at all happy about it being a mixed marriage, so the couple tried to make it as traditional as possible to attempt to appease her (didn't really work on the day but she's come around) - so we were all asked to dress in saris or men's Indian style clothes. Luckily for me and our group of friends, we had a friend who was also Indian who lent out several saris and helped us all dress. I don't think half of us would have bothered otherwise! As it was, probably about 30% of guests did not dress Indian-style, and tbh, it was fine.

If you don't like the idea of a white dress (and I can't say I blame you) then to avoid sticking out, I'd wear a black one instead, or black and white as has already been suggested.

I suspect you won't be the only one who doesn't conform exactly to the demand; but if the bridal couple are being very snotty about it, they may leave you out of the photos!

"If you don't feel comfortable just turning up in a nice dress you already own, I would suggest contacting them and saying I have nothing white, I don't wear white and can't afford to spend on something I won't wear. Would you like me to stay away or come in something else?"

I agree with EEatingSoup, this is the approach I would take.

What about something like this black and white one?