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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset that DP won't even consider this name?

189 replies

IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:09

I am pregnant and we've started looking at possible baby names. I've always said I would love my grandmas name to be used as a middle name if the baby was a girl, DP has always hummed a maybe response. Today he has said an outright no and said he doesn't want an "old and crap" name being used on the baby :(

We are not married and have 1 child already. Dc1 has DPs surname as it meant a lot to him, this child will also be getting DPs surname. I am not close with a lot of my family and my grandma practically replaced my rubbish mother in bringing me up, she means a lot to me and if I had a daughter I would want her named after one of loveliest, bravest women I know.

AIBU to think DP is a selfish fucker?

OP posts:
Stropzilla · 29/12/2013 13:11

U

YouStayClassySanDiego · 29/12/2013 13:11

What's the name?

His description of old and crap is hurtful if he knows how much it means to you.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/12/2013 13:11

How he phrased it was appalling and in sorry he was so mean. However I think it is important that a couple agree on names and it's to both of your tastes.

Is there a chance of a compromise here? Maybe modify/add to the name so he likes it better and you get to honor your grandma?

Bowlersarm · 29/12/2013 13:11

YANBU. I think if it is a middle name, not the first name, and of huge importance for either parent, it should be included.

Stropzilla · 29/12/2013 13:12

Er sorry....

Unless the name is something really really horrid he's being mean. What is the name?

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 13:13

He shouldn't had phrased it that way but seriously if he doesn't like the name, which is a going to be an important word on his tongue for this lifetime, he needs to voice his concerns.

Could it be perhaps her middle name, or could you think of a alternate to it?

It's not selfish to not like a name and not want it for your child, but it's selfish to be so harsh about it.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 29/12/2013 13:14

He's an arse if he cant take a moment and hear why using this name means so much to you.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 13:14

Oh sorry missed the middle name part, he's being daft then. Often middle names are a bit odd! No-one needs to know it anyway

BrianTheMole · 29/12/2013 13:17

Very unpleasant of him. If it meant that much to me I would still use it. Its only a middle name, the miserable bastard. If he gets to use his surname then you at least get the middle name. I wouldn't back down, it will eat away at you.

SantaRedLegs · 29/12/2013 13:19

Names that a few years back people would think of as being "granny" names are fashionable again. But some people (including me) just don't like them.

He's NU to not like the name, but he was unreasonable in calling it "old and crap" especially as it means so much to you.

BohemianGirl · 29/12/2013 13:20

Is it a name that can be modernised?

There are some names that will remain awful for another generation or so, whilst others have come back into fashion.

curiousgeorgie · 29/12/2013 13:21

I don't think YABU at all...

My DD1 has my nans middle name and my DD2 has a first name DH didn't really care for either...

I put my foot down Wink

Meerka · 29/12/2013 13:23

no, not if it's a middle name, you're not being unreasonable.

our children have (or will have, one bun's still in the oven) their father's surname. We decided we had to agree on the first name, but I got to choose the usually-unused middle name since they will be taking DH's surname. Seems a nice compromise.

Original poster
IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:23

I think it's a lovely name but obviously I'm biased. I wouldn't use it as a first name as it is still a bit dated, and would only use it as a middle name if it went well with the first name.
Her name is Margaret. It's not that bad is it?

I thought middle names were meant to be family names anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:24

I have a strong feeling it is a girl and I can't see myself backing down either. Just wanted to see how unreasonable I would be after the fuss he's made!

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 29/12/2013 13:24

Margaret is a lovely name. I would use it.

curiousgeorgie · 29/12/2013 13:25

That's a lovely name!

I'd be tempted to have it as a first and call he Maggie Wink

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 29/12/2013 13:26

He is being really nasty. It's not my favourite name, but you have good reason to do it and it's not a terrible name at all. Is he always so horrible?

Tell him that's fine, you wont use Margaret, but you will use your surname for this baby.

FrysChocolateCream · 29/12/2013 13:26

How can he argue so fervently about a middle name. I think he sounds horrible, the way he spoke to you. Stick to your guns.

justgirl · 29/12/2013 13:27

I think he is BU. However...what about sometime like Maggie as an alternative? X

BrianTheMole · 29/12/2013 13:28

I think its a good first name as well. Theres lots of variations of it: pearl, peggy, greta, mags, maggie. But I like Margaret and wouldn't change it.

GobbySadcase · 29/12/2013 13:29

What the heck is wrong with Margaret?
It doesn't limit you much on the first name, either.

If it helps other forms you could use are Rita or Megan?

MrsWolowitzYouAMerryChristmas · 29/12/2013 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:29

I would think about Maggie but my grandma has been a full name sort of person, so not sure if Maggie would feel the same for me.

OP posts:
BohemianGirl · 29/12/2013 13:30

Margaret has many derivatives

Margot, Daisy, Maisie, Megan, Peggy, Molly, Rita - they are the few that immediately spring to mind.

Personally I like Margaret although I would probably corrupt it to the French Marguerite, but here is a whole wiki list of various Margarets

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_(name)#Nicknames_of_Margaret

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