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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset that DP won't even consider this name?

189 replies

IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:09

I am pregnant and we've started looking at possible baby names. I've always said I would love my grandmas name to be used as a middle name if the baby was a girl, DP has always hummed a maybe response. Today he has said an outright no and said he doesn't want an "old and crap" name being used on the baby :(

We are not married and have 1 child already. Dc1 has DPs surname as it meant a lot to him, this child will also be getting DPs surname. I am not close with a lot of my family and my grandma practically replaced my rubbish mother in bringing me up, she means a lot to me and if I had a daughter I would want her named after one of loveliest, bravest women I know.

AIBU to think DP is a selfish fucker?

OP posts:
persimmon · 29/12/2013 16:34

Margaret doesn't seem old to me; just classy and elegant. YADNBU.

AndWhenYouGetThere · 29/12/2013 16:37

Greta, Megan or Daisy perhaps, or what about one of Margaret's own middle names.

I think if you explain your reasons to him, you could both try and find a compromise.

NewtRipley · 29/12/2013 16:41

I love MEargaret, but even if it was Ermintrude, it's a middle name and therEfore largely symbolic. So I'd find his rejection of it rather insensitive and rude.

NewtRipley · 29/12/2013 16:41

Margaret

Asheth · 29/12/2013 17:06

I hated Margaret Thatcher, but if I'd had a girl then it is very likely that her middle name would have been Margaret, as it's my GM's name and DH's GM's name! All my DC have first names that we picked because we liked them and middle names that we picked to pay tribute to someone in the family. I hope your DP changes his mind - there's nothing wrong with using a name you feel sentimental about.

SnakeyMcBadass · 29/12/2013 17:10

If you feel that strongly, then it's time to make that plain. My youngest has my deceased FIL's name as his middle name. I don't like the name, but it meant a lot to DH to have it, and I got my way with the first name . It seems a bit off to me for your partner to pay so little respect to your feelings and reasons for wanting to use Margaret.

justmyview · 29/12/2013 17:16

IMO, dismissing the name as "old and crap" is almost worse than declining the name. I think the name should be a name that you both like.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 29/12/2013 17:18

My dd has the middle name Margaret - after a special aunt and my gran!!

Writerwannabe83 · 29/12/2013 17:21

I'm expecting mine and DH's first baby, a little boy, and he has said from the start that it is "Family Tradition" to have the paternal grandfather's first name as the baby's middle name. I really, really don't particularly like my DH's dad's name so am not thrilled at all about the idea but no amount of gentle arguing has made my husband relent.

I've accepted it now but inside I'm gutted that my son's going to have an old and boring middle name that I don't want or like.

It's a very difficult situation. My annoyance has been eased somewhat though due to a compromised of us now giving our son two middle names, and I will be choosing the other!!!

Could this be an option for you and your husband could pick a name?

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2013 17:44

Why not have two middle names? One you choose and one he chooses?

I'm going to concede middle names with my dp when we have children. They'll have two. He wants to honour his parents (deceased), I intensely dislike these names but it seems spiteful to refuse given the reason behind wanting to use them. One is quite well liked on Mn as it goes, the other is appalling and it'll be that parents middle name we use as middle for the child.

Although your partner does not have legal rights re name I do assume you intend on staying with him? Throwing "no legal rights" in his face is not a healthy thing to do, I would ignore that piece of advice.

DooDaa2014 · 29/12/2013 17:48

I don't like Margaret at all. I'm in the thought that middle names should be names a child/adult can use as an alternative if they want when they are older if they choose to do so.

If you have to have Margaret in there then give her two middle names.

FraidyCat · 29/12/2013 17:55

There are thousands of potential names to choose from, no-one should have to put up with a name they don't like.

There's a government web-site listing all the names registered and how popular they are, I suggest sort them in order of popularity, chuck out the most popular 50 for being too common, then shorten the list to the top few hundred names, then take turns vetoing names until one is left, then use that!

FraidyCat · 29/12/2013 17:57

(If you had a shortlist of 201 names, and you've each vetoed 100, neither of you can dislike the 201st name much!)

ThePinkOcelot · 29/12/2013 18:03

I think my sister, whose name is Margaret, would agree with him. Unfortunately for her, it's her first name though.

FraidyCat · 29/12/2013 18:03

(Or to put it another way, since there will be some names you both dislike that the other person has vetoed, the 201st name must be well-above average for likeability.)

BuilderofDuplo · 29/12/2013 18:06

YANBU it's just a middle name and there is no need for him to have been so hurtful about the name of someone you love. I don't think Margaret is a particularly awful name anyway.

Weegiemum · 29/12/2013 18:07

My middle name is Margaret. My best friends is Maggie. It's a great name!

raisah · 29/12/2013 18:08

He is being nasty & you should go ahead and use it. Margaret is a lovely, classic name and he is mad if he thinks it is a crap name. How would he like it if you said that his gran's name was crap? Very rude and disrespectful, given the close relationship that you have with your gran.

Daisy is a variation of Margaret if he is really against it.

TheGinLushMinion · 29/12/2013 18:08

Sorry but I have to agree that Margaret does sound old IMO-Maggie I could just about live with.

The way your DP objected though is twattish.

FoxyRoxy · 29/12/2013 18:11

I think if he's not arsed about her middle name and you have a name in mind that means a lot then yes he's being a twat. Ds2 doesn't have a middle name as dh didn't want him to have one and I couldn't think of a good enough reason for him to have one. With dd I wanted her to have a middle name so I waited until I was in labour and said she's having this name. He went along with it ;)

FoxyRoxy · 29/12/2013 18:13

Oh and mil is Margaret, Maggie was on our shortlist for dd first name but I didn't want my mum to feel sidelined. It's a perfectly nice name.

NoComet · 29/12/2013 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tolittletoolate · 29/12/2013 18:25

a woman I know has given her little girl the middle name Doris. Now that is old and crap!

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 29/12/2013 18:32

My sister is Margaret, always called Maggie, after two aunts. She hated it during the eighties but, actually, now she likes having a name that isn't ever lengthened to Maggie Who, or Which Maggie? Go for it...

RedToothBrush · 29/12/2013 18:49

Marguerite or Margaretta as alternatives?

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