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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset that DP won't even consider this name?

189 replies

IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:09

I am pregnant and we've started looking at possible baby names. I've always said I would love my grandmas name to be used as a middle name if the baby was a girl, DP has always hummed a maybe response. Today he has said an outright no and said he doesn't want an "old and crap" name being used on the baby :(

We are not married and have 1 child already. Dc1 has DPs surname as it meant a lot to him, this child will also be getting DPs surname. I am not close with a lot of my family and my grandma practically replaced my rubbish mother in bringing me up, she means a lot to me and if I had a daughter I would want her named after one of loveliest, bravest women I know.

AIBU to think DP is a selfish fucker?

OP posts:
DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 23:16

sallying everything we say on here are opinions. doodaa thinks that there are nicer names. She's entitled to. It probably wasn't of much use to the OP but she can say what she likes.

DooDaa2014 · 29/12/2013 23:20

Good idea Sally, sleep it off Xmas Grin

nooka · 29/12/2013 23:20

My dd is named after two great grandparents, one on each side. However both dh and I liked the names. If we hadn't then we would have chosen something else. If your DP really doesn't like the name (the previous hmmed maybes seem to me to be a pretty obvious clue that he really wasn't at all keen) then I personally wouldn't see it as an option. It doesn't really matter why he doesn't like it, although I can totally see why the OP wants to use it too.

It's a bit extreme to label him a selfish fucker, he is allowed not to like a name. I'm sure all of us have perfectly ordinary names that we'd not use for our children for a whole host of reasons, some of which may well be trivial.

2468Motorway · 29/12/2013 23:35

We chose first names we both liked though there was some horse trading. Like you I allowed my children to have their dads surname in line with UK convention.

Like you I felt it gave me final middle name choice. I would be bloody annoyed if my partner couldn't see that I was already sacrificing my heritage in addition to doing the lions share of the effort with the baby up to the point of birth. You are not being hormonal, he is being grossly unfair.

TheCraicDealer · 29/12/2013 23:50

If my DP had a GP who raised them with the kind of back story you describe and wanted to use a middle name to honour them I'd go along with it. It's only a middle name for god's sake, rarely used, but important to you. I can't believe how unempathetic he's being. What would be rather have, a random filler name that sounds nice with little or no meaning?

Frig compromising, I'd tell him that he got to pass on his last name, first name is up for discussion, middle name ain't. Sorry mate.

Tinuviel · 30/12/2013 01:17

Margaret is a lovely name, if somewhat old-fashioned. It is one of my DD's middle names; it's one of my middle names, it was my DM's name (after her grandmother!) and my MIL's mother's name. I think it's lovely to honour family members by keeping their name going. It has, in the past, been very popular and may well be popular again.

And as it has so many derivatives, if your DD wanted to use it later in life, she could always use one of those!!

Your DP is being extremely unreasonable and rude.

magwitch · 30/12/2013 03:49

Margaret is a lovely name. It was my mum's name, though that isn't why I like it.

I loathed Margaret Thatcher with a passion, but it's never crossed my mind as an association either whether with my DM or two other lovely Margarets I have known.

It is old-fashioned, but so what? Your DP is rude and needs a reminder that he's bloody lucky the first DC has his surname.

My DD has an old-fashioned name that has, thank God, never trended and she's very pleased to be different. having said that, DH and I chose for its euphony with my surname.

AlaskaNebraska · 30/12/2013 04:15

I'm generally against naming kids after dead people
I like Maggie though

magwitch · 30/12/2013 04:28

What??? Alaska

Mohamed?

Jesus?

AlaskaNebraska · 30/12/2013 04:29

Lol. Grin No I mean dead folk you knew.

magwitch · 30/12/2013 04:41

Point taken, Alaska.

It can look some amazing homage to a dead auntie, not relevant to the child in any way.

Having said that, I am named after the parent of a major religious figure, so bear the burden of hagiography. Bless you, my child.:o

2rebecca · 30/12/2013 08:03

Having a name one of you hates isn't going to work if the relationship is going to last. His opinion of the name should be more important to you than the name itself. if it isn't then it shows him his opinion isn't valued.
He was thoughtless in how he gave his opinion but if I had said I hated a name and my husband still used it I would consider the relationship over.
Most children's names are compromises. Mine were. When naming our kids if one of us suggested a name and the other hated it it was ditched instantly.

EatriskierDrinkAndBeMerry · 30/12/2013 10:14

Margaret wouldn't have been a name I'd have given DD as her first name, however its not one I have any issue with and as its her Granny's name she has it as a middle name. I'd have no issue with her wanting to be known by that name when she was older either if that's what she wished. My DH wanted to name our kids for their GPs, and have his surname (as we weren't married at the time). I have a middle name that runs through the family that I wanted, so we gave the DCs two middle names. Would that be a compromise your DH would be willing to make?

SapphireMoon · 30/12/2013 10:29

Margaret goes with lots of names.
I like Mary Margaret but I would guess your DP won't like that!

limitedperiodonly · 30/12/2013 10:44

My middle name is of the same era as Margaret and I absolutely hated it as a child and teenager.

I'd sometimes get teased about it too because everyone else had '60s names like Karen and Louise not my granny name.

I would try to hide it but your middle name comes up a lot - it's in the school register, you have to give it on official forms, it's on my certificates.

Now it doesn't bother me at all. But I'd bear the child's reaction in mind.

Your DP is being childish though - old and crap? He sounds about 15.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/12/2013 11:02

In isolation I actually think Margaret is good name with a interesting choice of nicknames. However, especially at the moment, I do think people will think you are celebrating Thatcher I'm afraid.

monkeynuts123 · 30/12/2013 11:12

Do what I did. I said that is her name and that's that. He had 9 months to come to terms with it. I had made other compromises but that I stuck to and never wavered.

MostWicked · 30/12/2013 12:22

Do what I did. I said that is her name and that's that. He had 9 months to come to terms with it. I had made other compromises but that I stuck to and never wavered.

I just don't get how a child's name, can be dictated by one parent.
I think it is incredibly disrespectful of the other parent's feelings and opinions.

limitedperiodonly · 30/12/2013 12:55

My friend was given a really '60s name that was very modern but has dated quite badly.

Her grandmother died shortly after she was registered so they just started using the gran's name for the baby.

It's quite unusual. I'm not going say what it is, because she might be reading, but say it's something like Clara. It's actually more beautiful than that.

She got terrible stick growing up but by the time I met her in my 20s it was really distinctive and now everyone admires it. If they knew her original name they'd think it was a bit naff.

Setup1 · 04/09/2014 01:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PedlarsSpanner · 04/09/2014 08:28

ZOMBIE THREAD

Writerwannabe83 · 04/09/2014 08:35

When I was pregnant with DS my DH was adamant he wanted the baby to have his own father's name as the middle name and I was not keen at all. I thought it was 'old and crap' and really didn't want it. I kept trying to talk him out if it but I relented in the end in the proviso that if he got to choose a middle name then so did I and he wouldn't be allowed to have any input Smile As a result DH has two middle names and I still really hate the fact my FIL's name is one of the middle names Grin

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 04/09/2014 09:58

He's entitled to not like it, but should not be so rude and disrespectful.

I was given my DGM's old lady name as a middle name, I was teased about it at school and into early adulthood and as a result detest it and never use it.

AnathemaIsANiceNameForAGirl · 04/09/2014 10:17

I think it is fine!

I have an ugly / dated middle name after my dad's mum. It's never bothered me, I just don't use it except on forms that demand it. I think my mum knew it was awful, as I have a second middle name too that is extremely normal Grin

Mim78 · 04/09/2014 10:25

Margaret is fine.