Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset that DP won't even consider this name?

189 replies

IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:09

I am pregnant and we've started looking at possible baby names. I've always said I would love my grandmas name to be used as a middle name if the baby was a girl, DP has always hummed a maybe response. Today he has said an outright no and said he doesn't want an "old and crap" name being used on the baby :(

We are not married and have 1 child already. Dc1 has DPs surname as it meant a lot to him, this child will also be getting DPs surname. I am not close with a lot of my family and my grandma practically replaced my rubbish mother in bringing me up, she means a lot to me and if I had a daughter I would want her named after one of loveliest, bravest women I know.

AIBU to think DP is a selfish fucker?

OP posts:
Backinthering · 29/12/2013 14:46

Hinder your chances? Legally you can call the baby what you like, and he is neither your boss or your parent.

Original poster
IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 14:52

I know I can do what I like legally but I'd obviously rather sort it without having to threaten that!

OP posts:
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/12/2013 14:55

How awful that people are suggesting that the OP isn't married to her partner so he has no rights! Sad
What a truly unpleasant way to think!

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 15:01

Clunch I completely agree about giving a first name which is not "for anyone"(although even then our not "for anyone" name reminded my grandfather of his eldest brother who died in WW1) but the middle name surely can be something to play about with?

If my son had been a girl there was every possibility middle names would have been Rhiannon (my choice, after the song) and Amelia(his choice after a Joni Mitchell song)

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 29/12/2013 15:03

But it's not really about "chances". You're not married, so legally you as the mother get a 100% say in what your baby is named, first middle and last names, and there isn't a thing he can do about it. I'm not advocating that you strike out on your own but I do think he maybe needs to wake up and smell the coffee; you could name your daughter Margaret Even-More-Margaret Margaretson if you wanted.

Our DCs got DH's last name and middle names (two each) from my side of the family. That way we both got our families represented in there but I got more artistic control ;) . Unless you make up a completely new last name your children are going to be called after someone with personal associations to you anyway; putting in family middle names just lets you broaden the range of associations that are included.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/12/2013 15:03

i think it is a lovely thing to do in memory of your nan

many people dont even know other peoples middle names, i have one and bet half my friends dont know what it is even tho the initial is part of my emal addy

if dp really hates it then have as a 3rd name so xxx xxx margaret mrsknocks(or dp name)

complexnumber · 29/12/2013 15:04

You always knew he wasn't keen on the name. He was probably hoping you would pick up on his hints.

I imagine your determination to use Margaret (nothing wrong with the name at all) may have forced him into his own dogmatic stance and hence his unreasonable response.

IMO all names need to be agreed upon by both parents, compromise is everything.

kelda · 29/12/2013 15:05

'you could name your daughter Margaret Even-More-Margaret Margaretson if you wanted. '
Grin

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 15:05

Saggythat is not what people are saying. OP is happy to compromise on the surname, which frankly is a far bigger compromise than a middle name. Her partner isn't willing to compromise at all.

Factually and legally however he does not have any rights to impose a name but OP has.

themaltesefalcon · 29/12/2013 15:06

How awful that people are suggesting that the OP isn't married to her partner so he has no rights!

Yes, how awful to remind a woman of her legal rights and to reassure her that neither morally nor legally is she obliged to kowtow to her boyfriend's rudely-expressed demands.

kelda · 29/12/2013 15:07

I think the problem is that the OP has previously allowed her dp to have his way regarding names, and maybe that even reflects their relationship - the dp makes the decisions?

So when something like this happens, which is really important to IAmTheOneWhoKnocks, he still expects to get his own way.

Lweji · 29/12/2013 15:08

Just veto any other name he suggests.

It worked with my DS. Wink

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 29/12/2013 15:09

He doesn't have any rights in naming the child, Saggy. That's a matter of legal fact. No one (I think) is saying for one moment that the OP should just strike out and name her baby without his input -- but at the moment he gets to be truly unpleasant and dismissively tell the OP that the name of the woman who raised her, which is of huge emotional significance to her, is "old and crap". Even if the name Margaret made him vomit uncontrollably every time he heard it there would be better ways to handle the discussion than that. And he still assumes that the baby will have his last name.

MostWicked · 29/12/2013 15:10

I think that both parents should have the right to veto any name for any reason.

A child is the product of 2 parents. Both should be happy with every name.
There is no way I would have accepted name the my DH wanted but I hated, and anything I liked that he hated, was immediately ruled out.

Sallyingforth · 29/12/2013 15:12

A couple of people above have said that Margaret is an awful name, but haven't attempted to explain why. To me it's a lovely name.
If they or the partner are trying to connect it with Thatcher they are just fucking stupid - she destroyed a lot of things, but the name should not be allowed to be contaminated by her memory.
I think the name is lovely, and I suspect the partner's objection is more about about controlling than the name itself.
Stick to your guns OP and give your baby the middle name you want.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/12/2013 15:30

However the DP is behaving, he is currently her DP and that sort of crap is just lowering herself to his level.
This is a minor issue and he worded it badly. Pulling legal rank is not part of a healthy relationship.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 15:34

Saggy not sure what your point is? She should just give in because he is her partner?

Original poster
IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 15:38

Thank you everyone for your advice, I do appreciate it. If I still feel as strongly about it nearer the time then I will definitely put my foot down. I'd just rather he could agree to it than me having to use my legal rights iykwim.

And Margaret Even-More-Margaret Margaretson is really growing on me Grin

OP posts:
almapudden · 29/12/2013 16:08

It's a nice, traditional name - a bit old fashioned but inoffensive. I actually quite like it. And anyway, middle names don't need to be exciting! Mine is Jane, which is as dull as anything, but there's nothing wrong with it and I rarely use it. Your DP is an arse.

kinkychristmas · 29/12/2013 16:11

My grandmother is a Margaret. I have a DC with a nickname for Margaret. It wasn't because of her, but she thinks it is, and I'm not going to break her heart by correcting her Wink

goodtimesinbontemps · 29/12/2013 16:16

While Margaret wouldn't be a name I particularly like I think your dh is bu because of the reason you want the name . My dds middle name is Catherine, I don't love the name itself but chose it to remember my grandmother and dh was fine with that. It's not like a middle name is used in every day life anyway?

pixiepotter · 29/12/2013 16:23

I don't think it is fair on a child to call it a name one of its parent hates.Do you think it is good for a child to see her father cringe everytime it is said?
I think the hatred of Margaret Thatcher would outweigh any sentimental attachments.Did your grandmother not have any other names?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/12/2013 16:25

Well isn't exactly the opposite what the rank pullers are saying? Hmm

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/12/2013 16:26

And that's not what I'm saying. I think they need to keep looking at alternatives or derivatives until they are both happy.

Ohfuckeryitsmarzipan · 29/12/2013 16:32

Dd is a middle name Margaret-Dh's mum and my ds middle name. I wouldn't use it for first name though.But he is still displaying twattishness.