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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset that DP won't even consider this name?

189 replies

IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:09

I am pregnant and we've started looking at possible baby names. I've always said I would love my grandmas name to be used as a middle name if the baby was a girl, DP has always hummed a maybe response. Today he has said an outright no and said he doesn't want an "old and crap" name being used on the baby :(

We are not married and have 1 child already. Dc1 has DPs surname as it meant a lot to him, this child will also be getting DPs surname. I am not close with a lot of my family and my grandma practically replaced my rubbish mother in bringing me up, she means a lot to me and if I had a daughter I would want her named after one of loveliest, bravest women I know.

AIBU to think DP is a selfish fucker?

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 29/12/2013 19:28

I don't like Margaret at all. I'm in the thought that middle names should be names a child/adult can use as an alternative if they want when they are older if they choose to do so.
And why in hell shouldn't the child/adult call herself that if she chose? It's a perfectly nice, classical name. I would have been very happy to have been given it.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 19:32

Doris eek.

If you Google "Maggie" the first result is Maggie Smith,with Maggie Gylenhall 4th and no sign of Mrs The.

NewtRipley · 29/12/2013 20:04

Peggy is also lovely.

I'd choose Margaret as a first name. So ner!

pixiepotter · 29/12/2013 20:09

If you Google "Maggie" the first result is Maggie Smith,with Maggie Gylenhall 4th and no sign of Mrs The.

wheras if you google 'margaret' Mrs T comes up first

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 29/12/2013 20:11

So what?

Sunnymeg · 29/12/2013 20:43

As a Margaret myself, though Meg or Maggie to my friends Wink I think it is a name that sits well as a second name and goes with a lot of girls names. I did get teased a bit during the Thatcher years, but love being compared to Maggie Smith. At one time it was calculated that there were more women in Britain with the name Margaret than with any other.

Snatchoo · 29/12/2013 20:51

I genuinely don't understand the problem if it's for a middle name.

As a first name I wouldn't touch it but a middle name, I would like to use my grandmother's name (Joyce).

bellasuewow · 29/12/2013 20:58

Margaret and maggie are lovely names he needs to get a life. I thought you were going to say chrysanthemum or ermentrude.

snowed · 29/12/2013 21:02

YABU. You're choosing the name as a couple. Why would you choose a name one of you doesn't like, when you could spend a bit longer and find something you both like equally?

DooDaa2014 · 29/12/2013 21:11

And why in hell shouldn't the child/adult call herself that if she chose? It's a perfectly nice, classical name. I would have been very happy to have been given it.

Should have put a paragraph between the didn't like and middle name bits.

I just meant that imo middle names as tributes to dead relatives shouldn't be the first consideration. It should be based on names that the child can use when they are older if they wish. The child may want to use Margaret but there are far nicer names out there.

snowed · 29/12/2013 21:14

How would you react if your DP's only suggestion for a middle name was one you didn't like? Wouldn't you expect him to compromise?

TokenGirl1 · 29/12/2013 21:18

My dh wanted a name I hated as a first name. However, as it was a family name then I respected him and it enough to have as a middle name.

YANBU in honouring your grandmother in this way.

anotherrandomusername · 29/12/2013 21:32

Margaret is a lovely name. At least it isn't a boring filler name like mine. Did your Nan have her name shortened, to something like Meg? Maybe you could use that instead, but your DP is being VU about this.

Original poster
IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 21:55

If DP desperately wanted a close relatives name as a middle name then I would consider it and probably go along with it. He's got his surname going to both DCs though.

OP posts:
Leverette · 29/12/2013 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bella411 · 29/12/2013 22:23

had I

bella411 · 29/12/2013 22:26

I had always wanted my grans name as a first name if I had a girl however my partner wasn't keen n with other factor the compromise my partner n I made was to have both grans names as middle names for our lg. I think its nice for children to have middle names after people rather than something that goes woth first name. Think agreeing both on first name is important but middle name can be compromised

JumpingJackSprat · 29/12/2013 22:28

If your gramdma was known as margaret then that was her name. . There's no point choosing a derivative as it is no tribute at all. Wait and see if the baby is a girl. If so just after you have given birth tell him her middle name will be Margaret.

Sallyingforth · 29/12/2013 22:39

The child may want to use Margaret but there are far nicer names out there.
In your opinion.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 22:42

I think once she's born he'll not be bothered it'll be 'shes here, she's perfect, lets have it'

DooDaa2014 · 29/12/2013 22:58

Jeez Sally, you've really got your knickers in a twist. I did say 'IMO' in my post.

HRMumness · 29/12/2013 23:00

Your partner is BU. If it was a first name and he really didn't like it, I would chose another but a middle name is so rarely used.

I named my DD after my grandmother, although I used her actual name rather than the nickname she was mostly known as. I know my grandmother was really touched that I named DD after her. Unfortunately she passed away this year but for me it feels like a link between her and her great grandmother. A way of keeping her memory alive iyswim.

Fwiw I think Margaret is a lovely name, good luck with the birth.

Sallyingforth · 29/12/2013 23:09

DooDaa Oh no you didn't!
You said imo middle names as tributes to dead relatives shouldn't be the first consideration.
Your there are far nicer names out there was your absolute judgement on the name. It certainly isn't the OP's opinion.

The OP wasn't asking for opinions on the name, she was asking for advice about dealing with her DP.

DooDaa2014 · 29/12/2013 23:14

Calm down Sally ffs. Had a bit too much wine tonight have you?

Sallyingforth · 29/12/2013 23:16

I'm very calm thank you DooDaa.
And now that you have been corrected I'm off to bed. Goodnight!