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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset that DP won't even consider this name?

189 replies

IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:09

I am pregnant and we've started looking at possible baby names. I've always said I would love my grandmas name to be used as a middle name if the baby was a girl, DP has always hummed a maybe response. Today he has said an outright no and said he doesn't want an "old and crap" name being used on the baby :(

We are not married and have 1 child already. Dc1 has DPs surname as it meant a lot to him, this child will also be getting DPs surname. I am not close with a lot of my family and my grandma practically replaced my rubbish mother in bringing me up, she means a lot to me and if I had a daughter I would want her named after one of loveliest, bravest women I know.

AIBU to think DP is a selfish fucker?

OP posts:
NanettaStocker · 29/12/2013 13:31

I'd veto that name I'm afraid. Too emotive for some people.

Onesleeptillwembley · 29/12/2013 13:33

It's not selfish to dislike a d not want to use a name at all, though he could definitely have worded it better, unless he was feeling you were trying to force him. Use a name you both like.

Original poster
IAmTheOneWhoKnocks · 29/12/2013 13:34

He's not in to politics much if that's what you mean, Nanetta. He obviously has his own opinion on each party but he's never voiced a strong feeling on Thatcher.

I think he's just being a douchebag tbh. I may have to have a hormonal rage!

OP posts:
BohemianGirl · 29/12/2013 13:34

I was a name worthy of a Princess. Several European princesses. Noipe, I've decided I like it.

DameFanny · 29/12/2013 13:36

Look at it this way - you're not married so he can't register the name without you anyway. Call her whatever you like... Xmas Grin

Trooperslane · 29/12/2013 13:36

I have a first name Margaret last name. She's a few months and the M is for her two grannies, one of which unlikely to make it to next Xmas.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/12/2013 13:38

How about having two middle names. He can pick the second one?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 29/12/2013 13:38

Ok - well legal position first. You are not married so technically you can call the baby Margaret Yoursurname and there is nothing your dp can do about it. Not that I am advocating that but it is important to know what would happen if you really didn't agree.

Have you pointed out to your dp that you agreed to his surname as it mattered to him so now you are asking for a middle name that matters to you.

I do like Bohemian's options of other names. Megan, in particular, is gorgeous!

RalphRecklessCardew · 29/12/2013 13:41

Margaret's rather chic. Does he hate it because of the Thatcher connection? If so it might be cute to have two middle names and make the other a left-wing one. Margaret Rosa (Parks) Margaret Eleanor (Roosevelt) Margaret Hillary (Clinton) etc...

ClutchingPearls · 29/12/2013 13:42

I know a Maggie it's lovely and really suits her. I would wait and name her when she's born and looks like a Maggie

YouStayClassySanDiego · 29/12/2013 13:42

It's a lovely name.

Stick to your guns.

RalphRecklessCardew · 29/12/2013 13:42

Sorry, missed your update OP. In that case he's being daft.

JassyRadlett · 29/12/2013 13:43

Here's a compromise: tell your DP that he can choose the middle name but that the baby will have your surname.

BellsaRinging · 29/12/2013 13:47

That's my favourite name for a girl! And if it's a middle name I don't see the problem...if it was a first name and he hated it I would say dont use it but a middle name should be fine.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 29/12/2013 13:49

Even if he were Arthur Scargill he'd be an arse to veto using Margaret (a perfectly nice, normal name, used by thousands of grannies everywhere) as a MIDDLE name.

IMO while couples should always compromise on first names, I think both should be free to choose whatever middle name they like and the child can have two middles if they don't agree.

Birdsgottafly · 29/12/2013 13:49

I hated Thatcher, but met a 4 year old just before Christmas called Maggie, she was a wonderful little girl who suited her name and I didn't even connect the name to the afore mentioned.

Megan is common in Liverpool, so it depends in where you live, tbh.

I like Margaret, I thought it might be Myra or similar.

I didn't give my eldest (28) a variation of our (me/GM/DGM) middle name and have always regretted it, it is on her list of potential baby names, she is ttc. My other DD's have family connected middle names.

Stick to your guns, he is being unreasonable.

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 13:51

What the heck is wrong with Margaret for a first name let alone a middle name? I was expecting something like Euphemia or Myra or Augusta or Gertrude (apologies to any Effies, Myras, Gussies and Gerties who might be reading)

And of course as you're not married what goes on the certificate is ultimately up to you alone.

BuntyPenfold · 29/12/2013 13:52

Margaret is a sweet name IMO, I can't see how it is possibly offensive to anyone.
Marguerite even prettier.

TravellingToad · 29/12/2013 13:54

Why not say that you think his surname is shit and baby will be having yours.

My DH felt strongly about his surname being used so we used his surname and I picked middle names from my side of the family. Then we were both happy (I didnt change my name when we got married)

TalkativeJim · 29/12/2013 13:57

Um, you're not married.

And you're offering to let his surname be used for both children...

...despite the fact that legally you could register them as anything you like, while he can't do a damn thing without your say-so...

...and he thinks he's somehow in a position to call the shots plus expecting his wishes to be honoured while he shits on yours?

Well the first thing I'd be doing is telling him that his surname is off the cards. Of course you wouldn't want her to have a name that he hated, so you'll be happy to compromise by honouring your side of the family by using your surname for this baby instead :)

Even though you actually don't have to compromise at all. Just in case he's forgotten that wee fact...

Caitlin17 · 29/12/2013 13:57

Actually for a middle name the only one I'd ever consider unusable is Myra.

Bowlersarm · 29/12/2013 13:58

Margaret is a perfectly fine name. I'd put my foot down if I were you.

trashcanjunkie · 29/12/2013 13:59

Sorry - I hate that name. Whilst I agree your oh has been tactless in the telling, he's obviously not been dead keen with his 'maybe's'

Apologies, I don't know why it is, but I really find that name boring and ugly Blush I'm not trying to be horrid, just honest.

ImperialBlether · 29/12/2013 14:00

Sorry, but it's an awful name. Middle names are rarely used so it's not the most effective way of remembering her. Keep her alive in your heart and your memories; you don't need to use a name that was given to her.

Your husband sounds rude.

trashcanjunkie · 29/12/2013 14:01

Grin imperialblether