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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
GroupieGirl · 08/09/2013 14:56

He shouldn't have shouted, but for him to get to that point you must have 'not seen' your daughter kicking him for quite a while... Hmm

HugoDarling · 08/09/2013 14:56

If you had been controlling your child, this wouldn't have been a problem. There's not much to look at in a queue, is it?

YABU.

gordyslovesheep · 08/09/2013 14:57

YABU - she shouldn;t have been kicking and you should have been watching her - it would piss me off no end

LaurieFairyCake · 08/09/2013 14:58

Yabu - your only response should have been to apologise profusely.

Nothing wrong with a kid being told off by other adults.

You don't even say if your kid noticed - are you the only one that got upset?

helenthemadex · 08/09/2013 14:59

it would piss me off if a child was kicking me but no way would I shout at a young child

BrokenSunglasses · 08/09/2013 14:59

If someone is being kicked, they have the right to verbally react angrily.

If you don't want your three year old to be told off by a stranger for kicking, then don't allow her to kick strangers.

I disagree that children shouldn't be spoken to by other people and that they are only allowed to be spoken to through you.

Slippydippysoap · 08/09/2013 14:59

YABU, I have no problem with people telling off my child if she is being anti social and I'm not on top of it. This is how the world should work.

ZillionChocolate · 08/09/2013 14:59

I think if you have a child who kicks, you have to accept that people may well get cross. He didn't deal with it as you would have liked but it doesn't sound too terrible. I don't agree that he had to go through you.

SilverApples · 08/09/2013 15:00

Did she stop kicking him?

WhoNickedMyName · 08/09/2013 15:01

YABU.

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/09/2013 15:01

YABU. An apology to him and a telling off for your DD would have been the appropriate response.

NatashaBee · 08/09/2013 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmmaBemma · 08/09/2013 15:02

I've never heard of a three year old just randomly kicking strangers! I'd be mortified if either of my daughters behaved like that.

IAmNotAMindReader · 08/09/2013 15:04

YABU why didn't you intervene until this man being assaulted by your child had had enough?

You clearly hadn't stepped in and dealt with your own childs behaviour, you had to be shamed into it by this man. I would say he was over the top to identify to witnesses that he was not just randomly verbally abusing a young child.

Everything you have said here suggests you allowed the situation to continue without doing anything to stop it. I am meaning the we have a child with special needs comment. What they meant was all children need boundaries even those with additional needs in case this was also the case with your child.

Learn to diffuse situations with your child before they get to this level or be prepared for more people to step in and do it for you. Then you can take the high ground and judge them for overstepping their bounds all you like.
It is fine for you to discipline your child how you see fit and allow them to express themselves however they like. However you also have a responsibility to ensure this does not impact on other people, that is what is meant by boundaries.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 15:04

I don't think.he should have shouted at her,but I don't blame him for telling her not to kick him.

Bunbaker · 08/09/2013 15:06

I'm not surprised he was cross, I would have been as well. I think he was wrong to shout at her, but it was probably an automatic reaction.

Why on earth does your daughter kick random strangers anyway?

solarbright · 08/09/2013 15:06

YANBU. I would never have shouted at a 3-year-old (other than my own, obviously). He would have been well within his rights to snap at you, however.

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 08/09/2013 15:06

YABU. Why on earth didn't you apologise to him and get you DD to do the same?

TobyLerone · 08/09/2013 15:06

Sod that. If a child was kicking me, I'd tell it to stop, too.

YAB so incredibly U.

DropYourSword · 08/09/2013 15:07

I don't think he was unreasonable to say what he did to her.

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 08/09/2013 15:07

your DD. Ugh

IAmNotAMindReader · 08/09/2013 15:07

you must have had your attention elsewhere for a considerable time for it to escalate to this point. If I had been preoccupied and someone had to step in I would be mortified I hadn't identified the problem first and apologetic to the person concerned. If you don't want a repeat, up the amount of times you check on your 3 year old in public.

Oceansurf · 08/09/2013 15:08

YABU.

How do you not see your 3 yr old kicking the man in front? Were you on your mobile or otherwise distracted? Not like there's loads to do/look at in a queue.

Good on that man.

If that had have been be as a child, I'd have had a telling off from the man and from my mother. (though I doubt very much I'd have ever kicked ever more than once)

Viviennemary · 08/09/2013 15:08

You should have apologised to the man for your child's behaviour. Why can't he stand in a queue minding his own business without being kicked by a random child. And then have that child's mother up in arms. I despair!

whois · 08/09/2013 15:08

She's three so no adults can talk to her? Three is old enough to know not to kick people, especially strangers.

Fair enough to turn round and tell her to stop it even in "tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top".

You should have apologised to him not had a go.