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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 15:33

LargeLatte SHarri13 thank you for understanding that was my point there could have been a better way to manage it and at 3 they are still learning

OP posts:
Fairdene · 08/09/2013 15:33

Agree with Runningchick: how does it get to the point where a three year old kicks a strange adult just because she's bored standing in a queue? OP are you aware of just how out of order that is? Because you do seem to be minimising it. Is she generally violent, with friends or siblings for instance?

littlemisswise · 08/09/2013 15:33

I doubt very much she kicked him the once. It's like when you are on a plane and a kid behind you kicks your seat. Once or twice you ignore because you think they are moving, getting comfy or something. It's when it's repeatedly that it pusses you off.

What were you doing OP while she was kicking the man?

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 15:34

its not about being a perfect parents. Its about being one who actually cares what their child is doing and how that behaviour effects others.

If you have a lapse of attention and they hurt someone else, deliberately then i would expect that person to tell them off and I would be apologising profusely and removing the child not getting angry at the man for daring to be less than 100% polite to the child who had just hurt him.

PoppyAmex · 08/09/2013 15:34

"there could have been a better way to manage it and at 3 they are still learning"

Dude, I know it takes a village but asking random people to accept being kicked as part of a learning opportunity might be a stretch.

Bunbaker · 08/09/2013 15:35

I don't believe that all parents never take their eyes off their children for one second. The OP had other children to look after as well, so I think some of you are being a little harsh.

However, being kicked by a child is not on and because of the high irritant factor I can see why someone might snap without thinking "oh wait a moment I must make a polite request to the mother".

mrsjay · 08/09/2013 15:35

yabu she was kicking him you didnt notice he told her off, she wont do it again, are you sure he didnt just raise his voice because he was pissed off and didnt exactly shout, I would have been mortified and taken my child outof the queue or at least made her apologise you didnt make her apologise

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coffeeinbed · 08/09/2013 15:36

I would not shout at a child.
I would ask the parent to talk to the child, but I would not shout.

It's not right for you not to have noticed, but two wrongs don't make a right.

MurderOfGoths · 08/09/2013 15:36

"I know it takes a village but asking random people to accept being kicked as part of a learning opportunity might be a stretch"

Quite.

TokenGirl1 · 08/09/2013 15:37

In my experience, it's the parents that say "don't tell my child off, tell me instead" and "he/she is only 3/4/5 etc" are usually the parents that don't watch their kids closely enough or discipline them properly.

YABVU

Good on that man for showing your child that kicking is wrong.

mrsjay · 08/09/2013 15:38

Grin poppy

well she has learned not to kick people lesson learned

DropYourSword · 08/09/2013 15:38

Sharii and Ghost, yes it's unreasonable of everyone on here to expect you to catch every single thing your child is doing, especially if you have 3 to simultaneously manage . BUT you are excusing her extremely bad behavior. I bet he taught her more of a lesson in those two sentences than a week's worth of feeble "it's naughty" responses your seem to favor.

Topseyt · 08/09/2013 15:38

She was KICKING him, and possibly for some time too.

You weren't in control of your child, which forced him to react. Yes, it is fine that he shouted at her. I would have done the same if I thought the parent was being to wishy washy.

He reacted. You didn't like it. Tough.

I am a mum of three. I would have been horrified if any of mine had behaved in this sort of way when younger. Profuse apologies should have been the order of the day for you, but instead you got defensive with him and that was really rather silly.

littlemisswise · 08/09/2013 15:38

I've taken my 2 places, I've added in my nieces and nephews and I've taken friends kids. Never ever have any of them kicked a stranger in a queue or anywhere else. I am not a perfect parent.

insancerre · 08/09/2013 15:39

you don't have to watch them constantly to make sure they behave themselves
I work with 3 yr olds, I spend all day with them. The point is I dont have to watch them constantly-They know the boundaries and can normally control their behaviour.

VitoCorleone · 08/09/2013 15:39

Fucking hell YABU.

Runningchick123 · 08/09/2013 15:41

^you don't have to watch them constantly to make sure they behave themselves
I work with 3 yr olds, I spend all day with them. The point is I dont have to watch them constantly-They know the boundaries and can normally control their behaviour.^

I totally agree with this - children who have been taught boundaries and understand that their are consequences to bad behaviour don't need constant monitoring as they don't go about hitting and kicking random strangers for no apparent reason.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 15:42

i have 4 children and only the one has kicked. its impossible to watch a child every second of the day... and children are different to each other. maybe she is old enough to know not to kick. maybe he is old enough to know not to shout at small children, but to talk to the parent instead. I'm sorry that im not able to stand and watch my childrens feet whilst in a que that is pretty packed

OP posts:
AnneTwacky · 08/09/2013 15:43

The truth is, you never know how any stranger is going to react, which is another good reason why you need to teach your children respect for other people.

While you keep on making excuses for her, you're not doing this.

SlobAtHome · 08/09/2013 15:43

Everyone is gonna tell you YABU.

You asked. You've been told. Accept it.

You weren't parenting her enough, so the repercussions for her very very poor behaviour (even for a three year old kicking a stranger is odd) came from someone else.

What makes your naughty child so precious that a man she has physically been hurting can't tell her off? She's in the real world, not your fairy land parenting world where precious three year old only gets dealt with by excusing mummy.

Pagwatch · 08/09/2013 15:44

Your child kicked a man
He shouted

And you berated him for shouting?

What he did may not have sat well with you or me. But the problem in this situation was your child kicking people.

Deal with that before you start lecturing other people about behaviour because it sounds utterly ridiculous.

ZeroTolerance · 08/09/2013 15:45

Yabu. If a child is kicking me, damn right I'm going to tell then to stop. I couldn't give a monkeys what the parent thinks. It's my body that's being abused.

Will you be like this at school? Will the teachers have up run any tellings-off past you first?

The man your daughter kicked should not have had to bring his SN child into it. He didn't need to justify himself. You should have been furious with your child and apologised to him.

mrsjay · 08/09/2013 15:46

you are making excuses it was busy i didnt see her the man should have spoken to me maybe he should have but perhaps he was trying to catch your attention and your eyes were elsewhere,. at 3 a child kicking isn't just aww naughty girl it is bad behaviour and imo you are being a bit feeble about the whole situation, maybe take it onboard that yes she was very naughty you will make sure if she does it again you will make her apologise