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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:

SlobAtHome · 08/09/2013 15:47

I am a mum of three. I would have been horrified if any of mine had behaved in this sort of way when younger. Profuse apologies should have been the order of the day for you, but instead you got defensive with him and that was really rather silly.

This. This. This.

You're being defensive for no good reason. She is a human, so is he, if she hurts him why shouldn't he tell her off? If it was me I wouldn't be convinced enough by your parenting to bother saying anything to you as (as you have proved on here) I would guess you'd be too defensive. Saying it directly to her will make more of an impact.

Runningchick123 · 08/09/2013 15:47

i have 4 children and only the one has kicked. its impossible to watch a child every second of the day... and children are different to each other. maybe she is old enough to know not to kick. maybe he is old enough to know not to shout at small children, but to talk to the parent instead. I'm sorry that im not able to stand and watch my childrens feet whilst in a que that is pretty packed

Just be thankful that all the man did was shout at your dd for kicking him, next time she might kick a 5 year Old lad who retaliates by kicking her back 10 times harder.

SilverApples · 08/09/2013 15:47

Only one has kicked?
Don't be naive, what you mean is only one has been shouted at for kicking and you have been made aware of it.
The rest could have been attacking quiet, sweet-tempered people who merely moved away with a sigh. You wouldn't have known.

PoppyAmex · 08/09/2013 15:48

"maybe he is old enough to know not to shout at small children,"

Maybe he used to shout at people when he was 3 and his mother never taught him it was wrong. Wouldn't that be sad?

NeedaWee · 08/09/2013 15:48

Jeez I cant stand brats and worse I cant stand parents who stand by andlet the kid be brattish. He was probably waiting some considerable time for you to do something and when you proved to be a completely ineffectual parent, he stepped in. Bravo that man.

Retropear · 08/09/2013 15:48

Blimey if I had a 3 year old doing that I'd be glad he did that.

You want her to learn a lesson don't you,she'll be less inclined to kick total strangers next time won't she.

Yabu

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlemisswise · 08/09/2013 15:49

Please tell us what you were doing when she was kicking the man, ghost.

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 15:49

If somebody kicked you would you be cheery and very nicely ask them to stop?

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 15:49

Can I lay bets that the OP was glued to her phone?

Johnny5needsinput · 08/09/2013 15:50

I would have shouted at her. I might have sworn too.

If you can't control your kids then you need to consider where you're taking them and maybe draft in others to help.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 08/09/2013 15:51

Hell, yes! I'd have shouted at her too!!

Where does a 3 year old get the idea to randomly kick someone?

I'd be mortified if that was my child (who wasn't perfect but never assaulted strangers).

3 is old enough to know that Hurting People = Bad.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 15:52

i give up!!!

OP posts:

fabergeegg · 08/09/2013 15:52

I would hope that my DD provoked that response when she kicked. It is very bad behaviour and would really worry me. She doesn't sound as if she's being well disciplined at all. Why would a child kick a stranger?

I think you're worrying about the wrong part of all this. Your DD will not be damaged by the man's response. To be fair, I would feel upset if I was standing in front of a three year old who was kicking me repeatedly. He probably felt deeply embarrassed and confused. There is not a shred of shame or apology in your post...which probably says a lot about why your 3 year old thinks it's acceptable to kick.

Have you thought of parenting classes? They can be quite good for this sort of thing. I also recommend 'How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk'. It's available cheaply on amazon.

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 15:53

i give up!!!

Are people not giving you the answers you want?

Misspixietrix · 08/09/2013 15:53

Zero I was just going to ask the same to the OP about the School etc. OP I think YA being rather a bit U but I think you know that. She Is still learning. I have a v.naughty 4yo who Is also still learning and If he kicked a stranger they would probably get the same response and hes also more likely to listen to them! :) Did I read your OP correctly the Man in front had SN's ~

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/09/2013 15:54

I wouldn't have shouted at a 3 year old but the man was obviously pushed to the end of his tether. I'm surprised that you seem completely unapologetic about your child's behaviour though.

SlobAtHome · 08/09/2013 15:54

So you come on a thread and ask people for their honest opinions. Have people give you an honest opinion, it is totally unanimous and you 'give up'

God, you really are one of these defensive parents or their bratty children aren't you. You may get a lot more of this man's behaviour from other people simply because you clearly don't parent your kids enough.

A three year old kicking a stranger... ffs.

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 15:54

I still want to know if OP was on her phone.

I see a whole lot of behaviour completely ignored by parents texting/facebooking and not paying any attention to their child.

Famzilla · 08/09/2013 15:55

You need to accept that people will get annoyed when your precious little darlings kick them repeatedly.

I have no doubt that it wasn't just a one off either. You're focusing on entirely the wrong problem here OP.

mrsjay · 08/09/2013 15:55

you give up fair enough I am not sure what kind of support you were expecting most parents would be deeply shocked and annoyed at their 3 year old kicking people, and even more annoyed that they didnt notce it

TobyLerone · 08/09/2013 15:55

So you admit YABU then, OP?

Were you honestly expecting people to say you weren't BU? Really?

usualsuspect · 08/09/2013 15:55

I think he was wrong to shout.

I don't think he was wrong to tell her to stop kicking.

Fairdene · 08/09/2013 15:55

OP I'd be taking a look at where this violence is coming from, seriously. Several people now have used the word 'odd' to describe the behaviour because that's what it is. Unless it's learned behaviour of course, in which case it's natural, but wrong.

SilverApples · 08/09/2013 15:55

You wait until she's got them all on scooters and heading through town.

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