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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
littlemisswise · 08/09/2013 15:20

YABU.

You should have apologised to the man. I would have been mortified if my children had kicked another person in a queue for no reason. I would have been pissed off if they had thought they had reason to, as well mind, and they would have got a ticking off!

MinesAPintOfTea · 08/09/2013 15:21

Your DD has to learn that the strangers around her are people and that they have feelings and will be angry if kicked. I'd say he taught her that quite well actually, more so than if he had a polite word with you.

insancerre · 08/09/2013 15:22

yabu
if a child was kicking me then i would have no hesistation in telling them to stop
some men are quite 'shouty' normally and they did say that that was how they spoke to their child, so probably quite a normal tone of voice for him , maybe?
I expect she may have been kicking him for a while
at 3 she is old enough to know that kicking is not acceptable
I really hope you made her apologise
but I expect all she gets from this is that she is entitled to behave any way she likes- it' all the nasty man's fault

ihearsounds · 08/09/2013 15:23

Did she still go on the ride?

Sirzy · 08/09/2013 15:23

You seem to be looking to blame someone else for your lax parenting/your childs behaviour.

If someone raandomly kicked you would you respond in a polite way? I certainly wouldn't.

How packed the queue was is completely irrelevant.

LargeLatte · 08/09/2013 15:24

Is shouting at someone kicking you the only response an adult could manage? How about a cheery 'excuse me young lady is my leg in the way of your foot?' by way of striking up a conversation - which would provide an opportunity to raw the parent's attention to what was happening. Humour makes for a much nicer atmosphere than aggression.

If it happened just once, then he shouldn't have shouted.

If it happened repeatedly, I am sure there are other things he could have done before it got to the point that his rage bubbled over.

I'm a bit baffled at the general consensus on this thread that the 3 year old child should show some self control while waiting in a boring queue, but it's OK for a fully grown man to lose his cool.

SHarri13 · 08/09/2013 15:24

I'm on the fence here. I think the man could have told her without shouting. For me a shout is loosing control! I'd never shout at someone else's three year old, I firmly ask but more than likely I'd speak to the parent.

Dropyoursword, what should OP have done? Kicked her child to teach her a lesson. For god sake this is a three year old child, in a theme park, of course there will be some issues. Or do/ did you lot have angel 3 years olds who you parented perfectly. How judgemental.

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/09/2013 15:24

OP, your DD would be right to shout at any adult who was kicking her.Shock

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 15:25

Firdene... yes i did let her ride... i had other children with me who are not old enough to go on a ride on their own so if i stop her that means they cant go either.. it may not have been on purpose she may have just swong her leg and got him.

it seems alot of people on here have never taken their eyes of their child for a second....

im not saying kicking is ok. im just saying shouting at my child is not ok either.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/09/2013 15:25

I can't believe you were paying so little attention to your child you don't even know how many times she kicked a stranger.

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 15:26

How could you fail to notice your child kicking someone in such a packed environment?

Unless of course you were more engaged with your phone or something. Hmm

For him to be cross, she'd probably kicked him a few times.

And I'm sorry but just telling your child you shouldn't kick it's naughty is not a telling off at all. You should have made her apologise.

Lilacroses · 08/09/2013 15:26

I agree he had every right to tell her off but not to shout "don't you dare kick me"! That is well over the top. I saw a woman tell of someone else's child for the very same reason recently. She said "Ouch! That really hurt". He was very small but said sorry to which she replied "That's fine, you've said sorry and I appreciate it".

LackingEnergy · 08/09/2013 15:27

The 'shouting':

Got your attention
Presumably stopped your child kicking
Far more effectual than 'it's naughty' for the shock factor alone and for all he knew you probably knew she was kicking and didn't care
Hopefully forced you to pay more attention to your child for the rest of the time you were queuing

Yes, how very dare someone tell your child not to do something when you fail to even notice.... YAB incredibly U

EnlightenedOwl · 08/09/2013 15:27

it seems unfair to punish the others but she would not have gone on that ride for me after behaving badly - no point in rewarding poor behaviour. What lesson has she learned?
if she'd just caught him accidentally I don't think he would have reacted that way. i think she'd been deliberately doing it, he probably waited for you to do something and when you didn't he did.
You say shouting is not okay - well, how does she learn then what is acceptable and not acceptable? She still got her go on the ride, so where's the punishment for her?

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppyAmex · 08/09/2013 15:28

"it may not have been on purpose she may have just swong her leg and got him."

Come on, OP.

ihearsounds · 08/09/2013 15:28

Well he hasn't got eyes in the back of his head. He doesn't know that you are day dreaming and not paying attention to your dd. For all he knows you are letting her kick him without saying a word. He obviously doesn't want to be kicked, and saying stop kicking me, implies that she kicked more than once. If you don't want people to tell your child off, then you need to pay attention to her, and when people do tell her off because she is naughty, then you apologise and deal with her.

Now the lesson she has learned is she can do whatever she wants, becuase you will argue back and she will get rewards.

Runningchick123 · 08/09/2013 15:28

YABVVU. Your three year old kicked a man (repeatedly for all we know) and you think he is being unreasonable for telling her to stop?
I don't really care how angry his tone of voice was as he had every right to be angry and tell your child to stop.
If I was in the mans position then I would have said something to you rather than your child, but the fact that you had failed to notice your child kicking him in first place is probably why he spoke directly to your child (he probably thinks you were not bothered).
If you had come on here ranting about the man kicking your three year old in retaliation then I would say that he had no right, but what he did was totally understandable given that you were not monitoring your child poperly and that your child would be kicking somebody in the first place. How does it even get to the point where a three year old kicks a strange adult just because they are bored standing in a queue? I think you need to look at boundaries and appropriate punishment techniques as telling her that kicking is naughty is not enough to prevent a repeat next time she is bored.

DropYourSword · 08/09/2013 15:29

Sharii13 I think she should have apologised to the man for her child kicking him. I think she should have firmly told her child No, you do NOT kick. And I think she should have removed the treat of going on the ride as a punishment.

I'm not sure why you'd even suggest I would think it would be OK to kick the child?!

SHarri13 · 08/09/2013 15:29

Without being there it is hard to say but I have three children and funnily enough, with two eyes I don't manage to watch EVERYTHING my children do ALL of the time unlike some of you perfect parents. It must be amazing being so good at it.

IsabelleRinging · 08/09/2013 15:29

I have never come across a three year old that kicks strangers. If one kicked me, especially if it was more than once, then I would be inclined to speak crossly to them too. Why does being three mean that she can't be spoken to directly? I also didn't realize three year olds needed to be spoken to through their parents.

TobyLerone · 08/09/2013 15:29

Or do/ did you lot have angel 3 years olds who you parented perfectly.

I can categorically say that neither of my children has ever kicked an adult. It seems strange that 'never kicking someone' is the criterion for being an angelic child or a perfect parent, but if so I'll take it!

CoffeeTea103 · 08/09/2013 15:30

YABU he might have reacted angrily to being kicked and you don't even know how many times she kicked him. 3 years old is old enough to understand not to kick

TobyLerone · 08/09/2013 15:30

I've also never felt the need to watch my children constantly in case they kick someone Hmm

poorbuthappy · 08/09/2013 15:31

I would ask the child politely to not kick me.
If they persisted, I would ask the adult with the child to stop the child from kicking me.
If they persisted, I would shout at the adult, not the child.