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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 08/09/2013 15:09

Hopefully your dc will remember the man shouting at her for kicking and will not do it again to anyone.

I don't see what is wrong with a child being told or shouted, (but never screamed at) not to kick someone by another person.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 08/09/2013 15:09

yabu. How long was your out of control Child kicking this man before he reacted?

HeySoulSister · 08/09/2013 15:09

How long had you allowed her to kick him?

Yanu

SilverApples · 08/09/2013 15:09

Some people do get tired of parents not seeming to bother with their young children and their behaviour, like on scooters and yelling in the mornings and running round cafes and the like. The response might well be to shout.
Don't want it to happen? Be proactive about your parenting where possible.

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LackingEnergy · 08/09/2013 15:10

If you don't like how he dealt with your childs anti social behaviour then maybe you should have been paying your dc more attention, and you know, stopped her before she got started... Or at the very least after the first kick, then apologise to the poor man instead of criticizing him.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 08/09/2013 15:10

YABU. If you don't keep an eye on your 3 year old you are asking for others to step in. Why would she think it was acceptable to kick someone?Three is old enough to know you don't do that.

I bet he didn't really shout, either.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 15:10

i never saw her do it... it could have been once for all i know. and the que is very packed at chessington. and i did tell her to stop once he said it and i told her it was naughty. she is only 3 years old so to me an adult she does not know should not shout at her in that way. if my child shouted at an adult she would have been wrong but its ok for a grown man to shout at a 3 year old... if he had just said your child is kicking me i could have dealt with it

OP posts:
ShootMeNowPlease · 08/09/2013 15:11

YABVU. I would be mortified if my three-year-old kicked someone. If someone else's child were repeatedly kicking me, I like to think that I'd say something calmly but firmly, but if I'd had a sufficiently horrible day I might go straight to shouting.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 08/09/2013 15:11

Oceansurf I agree, It would not have just been the man who told me off if I was a child my Nanna Mum would have told me off also.

SilverApples · 08/09/2013 15:11

He probably thought you would be ineffectual.

SilverApples · 08/09/2013 15:12

Did she stop kicking him when he shouted?

ZombiesAteMyBigToe · 08/09/2013 15:12

Yabu.

If my three year old had been kicking someone and I hadn't noticed I would be profusely apologetic, embarrassed and ashamed.

IAmNotAMindReader · 08/09/2013 15:13

For all you know considering you didn't see it and had no idea how long it had been going on he could have tried getting your attention but had no response.

BrokenSunglasses · 08/09/2013 15:15

He shouldn't have been put in a position where he needs to tell you what your 3yo child is doing. It's your job to know what she is doing.

If you had been doing your job properly, then you would have had the chance to stop her yourself. Your gave up that chance when you became unaware if what she was doing.

DropYourSword · 08/09/2013 15:16

I think you are extremely soft on her if the only thing you do in this situation is to say it's naughty to her.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 15:17

so my daughter kicked a man we know that's wrong... but its ok that he shouted at her :/ why not just tell me?? the way he shouted even scared me for a second he was rather aggressive. 2 wrongs dont make a right... i never had a go at him. i told my daughter of for kicking and i said to him if he had a problem that he shout have spoken to me

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 08/09/2013 15:18

I think any reasonable person would react the same way he did

Fairdene · 08/09/2013 15:19

Why would your daughter be kicking a stranger anyhow? - that's very odd behaviour. You're being exceptionally unreasonable; of course it was quite right of him to give her a bollocking, she clearly deserved it. You didn't let her go on the ride after that did you?

BrokenSunglasses · 08/09/2013 15:19

if my child shouted at an adult she would have been wrong but its ok for a grown man to shout at a 3 year old...

If someone was hurting your three year old, and that made her shout at them, she would not have been wrong.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 08/09/2013 15:19

She was kicking him, he shouted at her to stop. Seems fair enough to me, it's not like he turned around and kicked her back is it?

I don't think you should have told him that he was wrong either, your dd has now learned that she can kick someone, the person she is kicking will tell her off, then Mummy will jump in and defend her.

gordyslovesheep · 08/09/2013 15:20

why did you not notice?

I suspect he may have been turning round, scowling, looking at you and her and you where too distracted to notice - shouting is OTT but it depends how long it went on for and how frustrated he was that you where ignoring it

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 08/09/2013 15:20

Your behaviour will have a big impact on your child.

In her eyes now she can kick or do whatever she wants to whoever and will not get told off as 'mum' will always be on her side.

If it was my child I would have made them apologise to the man and would have probably removed them from the queue and straight back to the car.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 08/09/2013 15:20

But if you weren't watching what your daughter was doing then he probably thought you didn't care enough to tell her off.

I agree with the previous poster who said that he had probably been trying to get your attention for a while.

You should have told your DD off and taken her out of the queue for being so naughty.

soverylucky · 08/09/2013 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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