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AIBU?

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
timidviper · 09/09/2013 18:10

You are just refusing to listen to any point of view but your own.

We are all agreed this man should not have shouted aggressively at your child (if he was aggressive) but we are also agreed that you need to watch her more closely and intervene before a total stranger feels they have to.
Every agrees it is your responsibility to discipline her when she misbehaves. Sometimes that will inconvenience you or her siblings, that does not mean she should be let off.

It seems to me that nothing short of saying "Nasty man, how dare he, your poor darling child! He should have held his leg out and offered her another go... oh and given her the bag to play with afterwards!" There, is that better?!

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 18:13

viper agree with what your saying. apart from the we all agreed part.

my daughter kicked him. he shouted at her. i said sorry. i told my daughter off. i then said to him you should have spoken to me though no her.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/09/2013 18:18

The OP makes Groundhog Day come to mind.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/09/2013 18:23

Oblomov The OP is dyslexic, back the hell of her about her posting style. No, it's not perfect but it's perfectly understandable. Also, what's with the patronising "are you new?", people on this thread are acting like they're better parents and human beings than the OP.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/09/2013 18:24

*off

timidviper · 09/09/2013 18:24

Which is fine ghost but you don't seem to acknowledge that you should probably have had a closer eye on her to stop it from getting to that point where he felt he needed to shout. Maybe there were "danger signs" that you could have spotted and averted the whole thing

Others have made a valid point too that she has probably not been adequately punished to learn from this, this has upset and embarrassed you more than her (seems likely if she was touching his bag afterwards)

I'm sure you know, as you have older children, that establishing discipline at this early age saves you a hell of a lot of problems when they are older.

I understand this has not been a nice experience for you but think you need to take this on board that, where possible, you should step in and discipline your own children before others feel compelled to do it for you.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 18:28

im getting dizzy.

he should have approached me simple

OP posts:
prissyenglisharriviste · 09/09/2013 18:30

No, he shouldn't. You had been ignoring her kicking him. He was quite right in telling her off, as you weren't bothering to.

Simples. No dizziness required. It's quite straightforward.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 18:33

so i was ignoring her kicking.. so that must have mean i was standing there watching her kick and ignored it..... oh dear you have caught me out.

OP posts:
Runningchick123 · 09/09/2013 18:36

the mum was taking care of the child with sn. and she seemed rather nice was talking to my daughter. whilst the guy stood there with the grump

The mum wasn't being kicked so she had no reason to have a grump, unless she had noticed that your child was being a nuisance and kicking her husband which she might not have noticed seeing as you hadn't either.

timidviper · 09/09/2013 18:37

You are being deliberately obtuse OP. A 3yr old in your care should not be able to kick an adult, possibly repeatedly, without you noticing. If they do, you are clearly not fulfilling your role as responsible adult. Does that help?

YouTheCat · 09/09/2013 18:39

Oh stop twisting the very valid points (and made in a pleasant manner too) that people have made.

You are responsible for watching your child and for disciplining her.

You have embellished and twisted and avoided very pertinent questions all through this thread.

Primafacie · 09/09/2013 18:40

But Ghost, that is precisely what a lot of people are saying: that YABU to expect, request or demand that all contact or reprimand directed at your daughter, should go through you first.

This is a society. Your DD will be exposed to other human beings, without you having a say. Get over it.

ThunderbumsMum · 09/09/2013 18:41

Oh come on. The problem with 3 year olds is that they are irrational and unpredictable - you can never tell what they are going to do and sometimes they kick. Op's dc probably hardly ever does it, which is why she was not on high alert for it. There is no way you can watch your child the whole time and I would put money on the likelihood of everyone's dcs having hit/kicked/bitten at some stage. The OP is not saying her dd's behaviour was ok,she is saying that regardless of her dd's behaviour the man should not have shouted at her. IMO the op is completely right.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 18:42

and shouting at a small child is filling a role in being a good parent... and yes i was filling my role by saying sorry to him and telling my daughter off.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 18:47

thank you thuderbummum. i dont know how many times i have to say my daughter was told off

OP posts:
timidviper · 09/09/2013 18:53

You clearly are not going to see any point of view but your own.

Do keep the same name please OP, never namechange then we can all look forward to years of Nursery assitant shouted at my child, Dinner lady shouted at my child, Teacher shouted at my child, etc!

By the way, Is this one of your DDs baby pics?

prissyenglisharriviste · 09/09/2013 18:56

Sorry, thunder. The dcs here have certainly kicked out occasionally whilst wriggling away from a nappy change, or in a tantrum, or very occasionally whilst swinging their legs in the pushchair and caught someone accidentally, but by three, I wouldn't expect any child to kick an adult stranger in a queue. The child in question wasn't in a pushchair (I'm a bit confused - I thought she was originally, so had thought it might have been an accident, but later the op said that plus chairs weren't allowed in the queues, (in amongst the laborious 'we use the pushchair as a punishment' routine) so I'm guessing she was just kicking.

Bitten? One of them did once. He didn't ever do it again. (He bit his sister). The other two, nah. Some kids are biters, but again, it isn't all kids.

Hit, kick or bite a stranger in a queue? Um, no. And I have two with sn. To say you can't keep an eye on a kid in a queue is nonsense. Parents of kids with sn are hyper-vigilant, have to be. Because you know that something unexpected can happen. Eyes in the back of your head, and all that.

We are all human though, and we do get distracted occasionally - but if a child lashes out, kicks, prods, (bites?!) or is otherwise doing antisocial stuff that is affecting other people, I fully expect them to be told off for it. Loudly. By other people. And then I assume the mortified role and apologise profusely, and remove my child from the scene.

Why are adults not allowed to tell children off for hurting them? I'm completely baffled. I quite like it when other people make my job as a parent easier, by disciplining my kids for me. Grin it makes my job much easier. It IS embarrassing... As it reminds me that I'm not managing to fulfil my parental responsibilities and my kids have upset someone, and I should have been able to prevent it, but I blame myself for that, not the poor passer by who was offended by my unruly mob. I self-flagellate for days, but I get over it. And it makes me more attentive in the future Wink

I'm betting the op will keep a closer eye on the dd from now on, however much bluster she can muster and try to make light of the fact she wasn't paying attention...

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 18:58

yes viper my 3 year old has that tattoo... and yes you will get loads of treads everytime the is a problem at school. its my new thing. because my other 3 children have never ever been told of by a teacher Hmm

OP posts:
prissyenglisharriviste · 09/09/2013 19:01

Ah, but you weren't there to feel the scorch of public humiliation, were you? Being called out in public by a stranger because of the behavior of your child is way worse than them being invisibility told off in school. Grin

G'wan, fess up. You were mortified and channelled it inappropriately. We've all been there. The dude was right, and you were wrong.

prissyenglisharriviste · 09/09/2013 19:02

Invisibility? Grin my turn for the grammer police

ThunderbumsMum · 09/09/2013 19:02

But you don't know that the dd kicked on purpose, that is the point. My 5 yr old would never, ever kick a stranger but he is a daydreamer and might be messing about and do it accidentally because he has completely forgotten where he is and that there are people standing nearby.

ThunderbumsMum · 09/09/2013 19:03

Anyway, you are completely missing the point. Te dd kicking is irrelevant because unless someone was in danger that man just should not have been shouting.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 19:04

thunderbummum. apprently it cant be an accident because she was not in her pushchair

OP posts:
prissyenglisharriviste · 09/09/2013 19:07

Nope, I don't. But for it to happen with enough longevity for the dude in front to actually turn and shout, instead of that terribly British thing we all do, glance round the first couple of times, then a bit of a glare, then the full on Paddington Bear hard stare, rub your leg, harrumph a bit, and STILL NOT Have the parent notice anything is amiss in such close proximity as a Chessington queue... And to get the point of shouting? I'm guessing it wasn't a single accidental bump by an innattentive tot. Grin

Could've been though. I still wouldn't have minded him telling her off. It would teach her to mind where she flailed her arms and legs in future. Grin even accidental kicks hurt... Especially repeated ones...

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