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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate being addressed by my husband's name

188 replies

StandingLampTassles · 26/08/2013 20:04

I know I've whinged about weddings before, but as I said, I've been to far too many this summer, and have just received an invite for another today.

The bride is a university friend of mine, I know her parents well enough, they have never met my DH, yet the invite is addressed to Mr and Mrs Jonathan Tassles. I am not Jonathan!!

Yes I took DH's surname (mainly because I was sick of being saddled with a surname that sounds like a rude word for 30 years!) but I didn't become him.

I had a very traditional wedding but refused to address my friends by their husbands names. It's ridiculous, outdated and more than a little insulting. Am I being unreasonable or would y

OP posts:
Original poster
StandingLampTassles · 26/08/2013 20:04

...ou be similarly annoyed?

OP posts:
SigmundFraude · 26/08/2013 20:05

YABU. People don't really think you're called Jonathan.

dexter73 · 26/08/2013 20:06

It doesn't bother me but it is an outdated convention. Mr & Mrs X is perfectly adequate for a married couple with the same surname.

HugoDarling · 26/08/2013 20:06

If you took his name, you really can't complain!

PurpleGirly · 26/08/2013 20:07

YABABU it's only an invite and it is their choice - if it upsets you that they are old fashioned then don't go - or just ignore it and put it down to tradition (could be their parents that wrote it??)

Original poster
StandingLampTassles · 26/08/2013 20:08

I took his surname, that bit became part of me

I didn't cease to exist as a person in my own right. Mr and mrs Tassles would have been fine

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 26/08/2013 20:08

I would be annoyed, but they are simply observing traditional custom, as outdated and stupid as I think it is.

Chances are even if you'd kept your name the invite would have arrived this way!

mummy1973 · 26/08/2013 20:09

YABU it's convention. Yes many break with it but don't read anything into it. You have an invite to a wedding...be happy.

QuietNinjaTardis · 26/08/2013 20:11

But Hugo she didn't take his first name only his surname. Yanbu, I know it's the correct etiquette blah blah but this winds me up too! I did not take on my husbands first name. If you are inviting me to something then bloody well get my name right.

Bowlersarm · 26/08/2013 20:11

YABU. It's traditional, for a traditional wedding.

MrsWembley · 26/08/2013 20:13

YANBU. When I'm addressing letters to friends and their husbands/wives I use both initials. It's to two people so why wouldn't you use both names?

On the odd occasion where I'm sending something to people who aren't married or where the wife kept her surname, I either address it to both people in full or just to the person I know the best. It's modern manners, eh!

Tradition has to start somewhere so people can bugger off with the 'but it's traditional' bollocks.Hmm

TheVermiciousKnid · 26/08/2013 20:13

YANBU. It may be convention, but some conventions should be scrapped!

Therealamandaclarke · 26/08/2013 20:15

It wouldn't bother me personally.
They're just using formal convention for their invites.
But feel free to grumble here.

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi · 26/08/2013 20:17

YANBU, and the convention is ridiculous.

However, before you get too angry with your mate - is it possible her parents have done the invitations? That is also traditional wedding stuff, and though obviously lots of people that generation would be as cross as you at this form of address, it's not personal because of course her parents won't know how you like to be addressed.

HugoDarling · 26/08/2013 20:17

You haven't ceased to become a person in your own right because your initial wasn't printed on a piece of paper. Why on earth get so annoyed? It's just an invitation.

Unicornsarenotriddenbygrownups · 26/08/2013 20:18

I get birthday cards like this!! So it's not even addressed to DH:

Mrs husbandsname surname

Fuck off!!!

Original poster
StandingLampTassles · 26/08/2013 20:26

Yes it's possible parents sent it- but she would have ok'd it

I've just sent back the reply:

Dear mr and mrs jones
We would be delighted to accept your kind invitation and look forward to seeing you in November.
We would both like the fish main course, please, and do not require a seat on the coach to the reception.
With best wishes,
Mr and mrs Jane Tassles

Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
StandingLampTassles · 26/08/2013 20:27

Apologies, a lot of that is irrelevant, just adding 'texture'

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 26/08/2013 20:28

That's fine then.

You have put them firmly in their place.

Original poster
StandingLampTassles · 26/08/2013 20:29

Yes I bet that told them!

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 26/08/2013 20:33

YANBU at all!

It is utterly ridiculous that people effectively say 'it's convention, suck it up etc.'

FFS, convention was that women didn't vote or go to university, or have the right to use birth control etc.. should we have just shrugged and accepted that too?

squoosh · 26/08/2013 20:37

YANBU

Outdated, ridiculous conventions. Bollocks to it quite frankly.

But people do seem to get very observant of traditional social etiquette when it comes to weddings.

Original poster
StandingLampTassles · 26/08/2013 20:39

Drip drip but they also have a money poem - ker-ching!!

OP posts:
MickeyMouseHasGrownUpACow · 26/08/2013 20:42

YANBU! I got a letter re a wedding I was going to alone addressed to Mrs Bob Cow.

To me, traditional or not, calling me Bob instead of my own (female) name is just plain weird

CaptainJamesTKirk · 26/08/2013 20:43

People know yore not called Jonathan... It's simply etiquette!

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