To hate being addressed by my husband's name

[StandingLampTassles]

I know I've whinged about weddings before, but as I said, I've been to far too many this summer, and have just received an invite for another today.

The bride is a university friend of mine, I know her parents well enough, they have never met my DH, yet the invite is addressed to Mr and Mrs Jonathan Tassles. I am not Jonathan!!

Yes I took DH's surname (mainly because I was sick of being saddled with a surname that sounds like a rude word for 30 years!) but I didn't become him.

I had a very traditional wedding but refused to address my friends by their husbands names. It's ridiculous, outdated and more than a little insulting. Am I being unreasonable or would y

YABU, it's not a big deal.

It's outmoded etiquette.

It is not etiquette!

It is not the done thing anymore, at all.

It is quite rightly viewed as offensive to be seen as an extension of your husband - the same way it used to be expected that you would be given away by your father, and love and obey your husband.

I can't believe people cite etiquette and tradition as an excuse for this unacceptable treatment of an adult female.

YANBU. It'd irk me too. It's as though you're just an appendage. I kept my surname when I married and my title is Dr which is fortunate because the idea of being called Mrs makes my teeth itch. But just occasionally, post turns up from a distant relative of DH addressed to Mr and Mrs Husband. Frankly, there could be the world's most interesting letter and most beautiful card in there but by the time I open it, I don't care.

But it is the done thing, and it is etiquette, whether you agree with it or not.

Yore what the hell is yore? You're obviously.

My last post on the subject.

I like it!

Clearly, as does your friend and her parents.

YANBU!

Tradition my ARSE!

I actually find this quite rude.

If it's so okay to make a married woman an appendage to her husband, then I'm sure men wouldn't mind if it was the other way round... so OPs husband does become Mr Jane Tassles in certain company.

Aaah but some people [men and women unfortunately] say, no that's NOT okay, that would be ridiculous... because it's not TRADITION.

Well that settles it then

Lucky old men, never having to become a non person due to their having decided to take wedding vows.

I think it is lovely, we very rarely recieve letters addressed like that. It reminds me of all the cards we received after our wedding and of the ones my Gran sent on every anniversary until she died.

It was the done thing.

I would never address a woman as Mrs John Smith. My own personal rules of etiquette tell me it's outrageously sexist.

The only time that has happened to me is when my MIL sends me birthday cards Mrs A Fakesurname which does my head in not only because I took DH's surname, not his first name but I'm not even 'mrs' I'm 'dr'. I worked bloody hard for that title and she always refuses to acknowledge it as she doesn't like the fact I have a career (and earn more than DH).

It is not the done thing.

Most people I know, men and women, would go if they received this type of invitation addressed to them or their wife.

It is not etiquette either - because it sure as heck is not polite!

What so lovely as being viewed as nothing but an extension of your husband cocky?

It's not fucking etiquette when it makes people [women] feel small and insignificant because they are married to a man.

Out of interest, I wonder if lesbian couples are also addressed like this? One partner is deemed the 'dominant' partner and formal invitations are thus addressed to Mrs & Mrs Mandy Jones instead of Mrs Mandy Jones & Mrs Sally Jones?

I bet not as that would be ridiculous and RUDE!

So why is it okay, in today's world, when there is a married man and woman with the same surname????

YABU because you chose to get married and even changed name but somehow expect the sexism not to be part of your marriage when it is part of everyone elses...

You can't have it both ways.

IMO, it's an old-fashioned and upper class way of addressing formal correspondence.

But to my mind, it's a bit daft to complain about being addressed as an appendage to your husband if you've taken his surname.

If you've "been to far to many" you might want to consider declining those who don't address you in the manner you'd prefer?

I never really liked the person I was before I met him, I like them person I am now. Mrs Him is a much much nicer person than Miss Me ever was. I feel that by being Mrs Him I take his good nature and make them my own, being an extension of him is no bad thing.

Laquila how interesting, do elaborate please?
Why just because you decide to change your name, it is ok to be viewed as an appendage?

Can't have what both ways slob? Are you suggesting the mere notion of marriage is sexist?

and your excuse for changing your name is embarrassing. If you genuinely hated your name that much then you should have changed it by deed poll. You just caved to convention. Don't make excuses.

The ONLY exception would perhaps be a work do where perhaps the person doing the inviting does not know the first name of their colleague's partner.

Or ditto a wedding where work colleagues are invited.

I still think it would be more acceptable to find out partner's name before doing the invitations or write Mr. Fred Bloggs and guest...

But for a wedding for either friend or family... where partner's first name is known... well it is almost unforgivable in it's rudeness.

So your husband saved you cocky, made you into a better person?

Who's making excuses? Who is that directed at?

I'm Dr and didn't change my name either.