To hate being addressed by my husband's name

[StandingLampTassles]

I know I've whinged about weddings before, but as I said, I've been to far too many this summer, and have just received an invite for another today.

The bride is a university friend of mine, I know her parents well enough, they have never met my DH, yet the invite is addressed to Mr and Mrs Jonathan Tassles. I am not Jonathan!!

Yes I took DH's surname (mainly because I was sick of being saddled with a surname that sounds like a rude word for 30 years!) but I didn't become him.

I had a very traditional wedding but refused to address my friends by their husbands names. It's ridiculous, outdated and more than a little insulting. Am I being unreasonable or would y

Yet another reason to support gay marriage.

It's going to shake up ancient, out-dated, misogynistic traditions where women cease to be addressed in favour of their husbands, and turns them on their head. :)

That is a little bit odd, then, yes. I'd still be hoping it wasn't your friend's fault, though.

I would never address a letter in that fashion, but I really never cared about it when I was married. One of those 'don't sweat the small stuff' issues to me.

Sounds like a plan, Kevin.

Kevin? I'm not married to the hamster...

Well while taking names that aren't yours why limit yourself?

Some women like to call themselves after their pets. ANTI-FEMINIST

YANBU

I am married and took my husband's surname, but not his first name.

I have got a beautiful first name and get extremely pissed off when people erase it from existence when addressing correspondence to us as a couple. My first name is much nicer than my husband's blokey name.

I have just managed to train my DM out of doing this, but I have an elderly aunt who does it when posting my birthday card, eg Mrs Harold Madeupname. Do I look like a Harold? Really?? Then shoot me now.

When I got married I kept my own name, so it's Ms Monkey on all correspondence, tax, bank, passport everything. PILs not happy at all with this and refuse to refer to me as Ms Monkey. So when they send anything to the pair of us the envelope is written 'Husband and Reg' (no surnames, thus avoiding it), and if it's something just for me (birthday card for example) they write on the envelope 'Reg' (no surname as they don't believe I'm really RegMonkey and should be Reg Husband's Name. I don't care and neither does husband, so I guess it's just a generational thing with them. (They're in their 80s). A friend, who agrees with the PILs asked me how I thought they SHOULD address an envelope when the situation is so very complex and bewildering (to them). I said, it's simple, they just put 'Husband Surname and RegMonkey, then the address'! How hard can that be?

It's rocket-science, Reg. A pure mystery.

Funnily enough, my PIL sure knew my surname when DS was born, they wanted to make sure he was called his fathers last name. Didn't prove too fucking difficult to remember mine then...

YANBU! I loathe this. For a variety of reasons I chose to take my husband's surname. I did not re-name myself David!

I hate this too. Its so offensive, and its about time it was more generally seen as such, as it suggests that on marriage you not only lose your surname but your whole identity as an individual person as well. When did this particular naming etiquette arise? Is it Victorian?

I didn't take DH's surname on marriage, on the basis that it was ludicrous to change my name, although I did offer him the chance to change to mine if he wished (he declined), and that in Northern Europe, there is a long tradition of women retaining their own surnames on marriage anyway.

Sounds like a plan Kevin

Mixxy I think I love you.

And Bowlersarm not every female is a feminist.

If you choose to be addressed as your husband's name than that is not a feminist choice as far as I am aware.

You are a traditionalist and that is fine, you can believe whatever you want.

But just because you have a vagina that does not mean your beliefs have to be respected as feminist ones.