To hate being addressed by my husband's name

[StandingLampTassles]

I know I've whinged about weddings before, but as I said, I've been to far too many this summer, and have just received an invite for another today.

The bride is a university friend of mine, I know her parents well enough, they have never met my DH, yet the invite is addressed to Mr and Mrs Jonathan Tassles. I am not Jonathan!!

Yes I took DH's surname (mainly because I was sick of being saddled with a surname that sounds like a rude word for 30 years!) but I didn't become him.

I had a very traditional wedding but refused to address my friends by their husbands names. It's ridiculous, outdated and more than a little insulting. Am I being unreasonable or would y

I bet it was Cockburn.

LRD I agree! I don't care if medics use it, it's not my place to, but I was directly responding to Captains post on the matter, with regards to etiquette since I believe that the information provided is incorrect.

Why do want people to know your married every time you fill out a form?

And I am not 'defined' my marital status, but by using Mrs it shows that I am or have been married and I see no problem in that.

Anyway, like I said the OP can be offended if she wants, but not every woman is offended by this, some even like it.

I don't know. Why do people want to know you're married when you fill out a from?

Forgive me, but the concept of 'correct' etiquette is very silly.

Etiquette is the term given to the rules that help us not to upset other people. It's really that simple.

It's just a matter of being polite.

Just for the record, it is bad form to use

Dr CCCC CCCCCCCC, PhD

as this implies you are a Dr with a PhD.

Not that you do captain but many do.

I'm surprised in a hospital, they let you use the title Dr, if you have a phd but aren't a medical doctor.

I have several friends who are dieticians with PhDs but they arent' allowed to use the title Dr in an NHS setting.

Are you backroom staff, never to be patient facing?

Once again re the OP - it is not correct etiquette!

YANBU- I hate this, convention or not.

They ask for your title bowler - they clearly want to know... why it matters is anybody's guess.

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Mon 26-Aug-13 21:24:13
Forgive me, but the concept of 'correct' etiquette is very silly.

Etiquette is the term given to the rules that help us not to upset other people. It's really that simple.

It's just a matter of being polite."

When filling in forms the marital status section needs to be filled out for men too so I find that a bizarre statement to make. Title however is something you are known or wish to be known as and it just so happens that with titles for women there's a distinction and choice.

Forgive me, but the concept of 'correct' etiquette is very silly.

Etiquette is the term given to the rules that help us not to upset other people. It's really that simple.

It's just a matter of being polite.

^

This!

damn But the fact they ask for it is irrelevant. A married woman could fill out a form as Mrs Dr Ms or Miss if she wanted to. I don't understand the point you are trying to make.

Stop being so obtuse captain

All men are Mr, irrespective of marriage or not.

Women are titled by marriage, it makes no sense! The title is changed to tell society you are married, to take on your husbands identity.. there is no good reason for it!

Unless you are applying for something directly relating to marriage, why does anybody need to know if you are a Mrs or a Ms

Not all forms, ask if you're married...... most ask for title, thereby automatically providing information that is irrelevant in most cases, yet has been historically done to indicate your status in society.

Why is this so hard to grasp.

We are all allowed to use the title Dr (or Prof, if we are one, even) if we have a PhD in every NHS trust I have ever worked in and when I was in training. Why would they not allow it? I don't see patients I work in a lab, patients won't get confused and I won't suddenly forget I'm a PhD and not a medic and try to treat someone. I know 2 nurses who have PhDs both known as Dr! Although I'm pretty sure one was recently made a Prof?

Anyway this really wasn't what the OP was asking.

...because any female can chose from a range of titles.

Exactly bowler a woman has choice. They could put whatever the hell they want in the title, keep Miss and their maiden name. Ms and any surname they like or Mrs and their husband's surname. Or Dr or Rev or whatever.

It would really annoy me! Either use both persons first name, or just Mr and Mrs Smith for example. I find it a very strange tradition.

I don't see patients I work in a lab

That's why I suppose you can use it. In the trusts I've worked in, they discourage it if you are patient facing because it confuses patients. I have no strong opinion on it, myself, just saying that's the way it's done. it is not to suggest that you will suddenly think you are a medical doctor, not sure where you got that idea from.

Bowler not really. Girls are born automatically Miss.

To change it to Mrs officially you have to either marry or go through deed poll.

Men are from the start Mr.

Why?

Sexism. Simples.

It is correct to address a married woman as Mrs [Husband's name] Surname.

Mrs [her first name] Husband's Surname is for divorced women who have retained the ex's surname.

If you don't like it, don't take your husband's name!

I was being sarcastic

So pointless having this discussion.

Maybe someone from feminism will pop over and enlighten captain and bowler I just don't have patience or energy.

captain, men do have the same choices, it is just harder (ridiculously so!) to implement them. It really annoys me that it is harder.