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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely mortified that I am still a virgin?

222 replies

WantsToBeFree · 20/01/2013 19:21

I will soon be 24 and I am still a virgin. There, I've said it Blush

Do I want to have sex? YES. Do I want to be in a serious relationship? YES.

Unfortunately, life has been very complicated for me so far, and you could say I haven't had the time or opportunity. I have been in a relationship and there was a physical side to it, but we never went all the way.I am not a prude, but I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust.

I am feeling very hopeless and quite embarrassed about my situation. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I a complete freak?

OP posts:
ThreeBeeOneGee · 20/01/2013 19:23

Why should you be mortified? Most people are much more embarrassed about misguided sexual encounters they have had than those they haven't.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 20/01/2013 19:25

DH was a virgin until he was 22. It certainly hasn't detracted from his later sex life! Grin

BinkyWinky · 20/01/2013 19:25

Why on earth should you be mortified? It's not that big a deal. Just relax and enjoy being young. It'll happen when it happens.

Original poster
WantsToBeFree · 20/01/2013 19:25

I guess I am feeling mortified because most people my age have had several sexual partners, and are much more experienced. Some are even married or have children! I OTOH, have never even had sex.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 20/01/2013 19:26

Nothing to be embarrassed about

If you haven't met anyone you like enough, why should you settle for second rate

Get out there and meet people and don't let this hold you back or become an issue for you

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 20/01/2013 19:27

No you are not a freak.

Waiting until you are with someone you love and trust is the most sensible thing.

Don't worry about it.

McNewPants2013 · 20/01/2013 19:28

My DH is the only person I have had sex with, be proud of the fact you are a virgin

mrsstewpot · 20/01/2013 19:28

You're not a freak! Just incredibly honest!

I think that there are more people than we realise have their first sexual experiences in their 20s but don't admit to it!

I also think there are many, like myself, who had sex once in their teens (17 for me) and then didn't try it again for around 5 years. Looking back this was when I was truly ready.

Everyone is different. By the sounds of it you've had the opportunity but were not ready.

Don't beat yourself up - you are still a young virgin!

ApocalypseThen · 20/01/2013 19:29

Yes, you are being unreasonable - but only to yourself. Honestly, it ain't no thang, and once you've done it your only regret will be that you weren't kinder to yourself and happier today.

Unlurked · 20/01/2013 19:30

Don't worry about it, you will meet someone at some point that you want to have sex with. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin! I have a friend who is 28 and still a virgin, I think it used to bother her but I don't think she particularly cares anymore.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 20/01/2013 19:33

Don't settle for second best just for the sake of it. You have no reason to be mortified.

Original poster
WantsToBeFree · 20/01/2013 19:33

Yes, I've had opportunities, but I just didn't feel ready. And the guys just weren't right for me.

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling a teensy bit better now. :)

OP posts:
ElvisJesusAndCocaCola · 20/01/2013 19:33

Have pm'd you.

hopeful92 · 20/01/2013 19:34

My DP was a virgin when I first got with him, he was 23 so it's nothing to be ashamed of! (He is now also an amazing lover teehee tmi Grin). He was slightly embarrassed too because he said he wanted to wait for the right person as he didn't want to have sex with some random person, but I was just really touched that he thought that person was me :) nearly 5 years later and we are still together and expecting out first baby :) Don't worry about it, I think it's brilliant that you are waiting for someone you trust!

CwtchesAndCuddles · 20/01/2013 19:34

I'm 45 and have only had two partners - my ex husband and dh. I was older than most of my peers loosing my virginity - so what?

Don't put pressure on yourself - when it's the right time you will know, until then don't worry about it!

JustFabulous · 20/01/2013 19:35

Having lots of sexual partners is not all it is cracked up to be.

YABU to be mortified. Nothing wrong in the situation you have found yourself in.

Rejoice in the fact you have enough self confidence to not do anything you don't want to do.

LynetteScavo · 20/01/2013 19:35

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phantomnamechanger · 20/01/2013 19:36

You should feel proud of yourself!

Many of your friedns will, or already do, regret a number of their partners. They will regret one night stands. they will regret being coerced into things they were not really comfortable doing. They will wonder what they ever saw in some of them! The vulnerability of young women out clubbing and going off with strangers really worries me. As does the increase in STIs among the young. Many of those who marry young also divorce.

It is absolutely wonderful to wait for the right person and the right time - DH and I were BOTH virgins when we married (age 25 and 28) and have been togetehr 16 years now (and its great learning with someone you know loves you and is not just after a quick shag)

gimmecakeandcandy · 20/01/2013 19:36

Please don't feel like that. So many people regret their early sexual encounters - and you should be proud of yourself for not just doing it for doing its sake! There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age or older! Wait for the right time and the right reasons. It's a shame more people don't take your stance - far better to have sex when ready and with the right person than just doing it.

Latara · 20/01/2013 19:37

Don't worry about it; it seems like a big deal now but it really isn't... sooner or later you'll meet the right man for you.

Lueji · 20/01/2013 19:38

Much better to do it with a person who is right.

You should be happy.

No pregnancy scares.
No unwanted pregnancies.
Less STDs.
Less risk of cervical cancer.

Although what you seem to say is that you haven't had penetrative sex.

kinkyfuckery · 20/01/2013 19:38

Nothing to be mortified about.

Elvis please tell me your PM wasn't an offer? Wink

abigboydidit · 20/01/2013 19:42

Seriously not something to be embarrassed about. Ex-boyfriend when I was at Uni was a virgin when I met him and he was 23. He was probably one of the best shags I've had Blush but I will deny ever saying that if DH asks

BoffinMum · 20/01/2013 19:44

Crikey, it's only sex. There's no achievement league table, no consequences other than you've avoided all the disadvantages, and not having had sex makes little if any difference to your being able to get down to it enjoyably when the moment arises in the future.

joanofarchitrave · 20/01/2013 19:47

I'm sure I read somewhere that if you're in your twenties or older when you lose your virginity, you're much more likely to actually enjoy it. Makes sense.

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