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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely mortified that I am still a virgin?

222 replies

WantsToBeFree · 20/01/2013 19:21

I will soon be 24 and I am still a virgin. There, I've said it Blush

Do I want to have sex? YES. Do I want to be in a serious relationship? YES.

Unfortunately, life has been very complicated for me so far, and you could say I haven't had the time or opportunity. I have been in a relationship and there was a physical side to it, but we never went all the way.I am not a prude, but I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust.

I am feeling very hopeless and quite embarrassed about my situation. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I a complete freak?

OP posts:
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 21/01/2013 08:12

Perhaps that statement is more a reflection of you and the people you know (which I appreciate is not nice, but hey, at least it's honest.)

snowybrrr · 21/01/2013 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 21/01/2013 08:35

Another very intelligent comment.

Newsflash: not everyone on MN has had a man's willy up her foof. Some if them....gosh..... don't have children!!! Imagine that!

I find some people's compulsion to be obnoxious just because it's AIBU quite odd actually.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/01/2013 08:55

It's Quality not Quantity that counts in my book so no, being a virgin at 24 is neither weird nor repressed.

Fwiw plenty of people who have had sex think they're experts at it, some of them aren't.

Nancy66 · 21/01/2013 09:07

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin - although since you seem so hung up about it, I don't now why you don't just go out there and get laid.

And to those that are saying that it's better than sleeping around - speak for yourself.

I had a lot of partners in my 20s and i don't regret one minute of it.

MrsWolowitz · 21/01/2013 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Forgetfulmog · 21/01/2013 09:34

Nice Danny - I bet you think comments like that are really clever. Well I reiterate what I said before; I was 23 when I lost my virginity - to the man that would eventually become my husband. I waited until I had found a man that I loved & by whom I felt respected. I now have a baby dd & I hope she has the self respect to wait until she is 100% ready - be that when she is 16 or 26. OP there is NOTHING wrong or weird about you & don't you let anyone (Danny) tell you otherwise

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 21/01/2013 09:38

If you were just two years younger, I'd wonder if you were my sisters best friend......?

YABU to worry about it, but YANBU to be a virgin while you choose to be

GalaxyDefender · 21/01/2013 09:57

I'm just a bit older than you, OP. If anything, I have more respect for you as a person for not having sex just to lose your virginity than I would for a lot of other people.

Sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. Wait until you find someone you really love, and it will be special for you.

Noren · 21/01/2013 10:33

Very common! Not unusual at all, people just don't talk about it much. I won't tell you how old my husband was because he wouldn't thank you, but older than you and he was awesome right off the bat. I know lots of people who were a bit older than people seem to expect - yes a lot of people lose in in their teens but plenty don't. The sex I had in my teens was rubbish - coercive and shit communiciation. Sometimes I'm really envious of my husband because he had sex for the first time as an emotionally mature person with an emotionally mature person.

Captain Awkward's had a few posts about this: captainawkward.com/2011/05/17/reader-question-50-im-a-27-year-old-virgin-and-im-mostly-okay-with-that-but-sometimes-i-feel-like-a-loser/ if you want to read about other people's experiences.

marriedinwhite · 21/01/2013 10:42

I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust

That's one of the nicest things I've read on mumsnet. That's exactly as it should be and one day I'm sure you will be very happy indeed and have lots and lots of lovely sex with the right man in a loving relationship exactly as it should be.

FairPhyllis · 21/01/2013 11:14

I expect the OP posted here because this is a community of supportive and usually intelligent women. Where else do you think she should post if she is a regular member here?

I mean, I'm not a parent, but I hang out here because MN is an eclectic place and I usually find interesting stuff here. I don't necessarily want to read all the threads about BLW etc., but people talk about all kinds of stuff here that is not strictly parenting related. I didn't realise that not having a proven fertile uterus meant I should piss off somewhere else.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/01/2013 11:22

WantsToBeFree just wondering, do you have much scope for meeting new people? Are you in a bit of a rut, socially? Sometimes it's a matter of not meeting the 'right' person, sometimes it's just not socialising or working with anyone unattached or fanciable or in the age range you'd be interested in.

Anyway, you're not a freak, many think it's better to get to know someone as a friend first, see if anything further develops. The idea that oh anyone will do, get the first time over with and it becomes less of a big deal, doesn't always work out, so don't feel you have to get it over with.

valiumredhead · 21/01/2013 11:29

If I had my time over again, I would've have waited much much longer than I did OP.

Narked · 21/01/2013 11:46

I just did a little searching. From your other threads you have strong reasons behind your decision to avoid penetrative sex. I'm sorry for suggesting you were less than genuine.

BettySuarez · 21/01/2013 11:53

Whilst its admirable of you to apologise and admit that you were wrong Narked, I can't help feeling that 'researching' other posters is more than just a bit 'wrong'

If the thread was not of interest to you, or you struggled to 'get it' then you should have simply just walked away.

Calling the OP's motives for posting, into question is just weird. Going off to reasearch a poster in order to try and trash them further, is just plain unpleasant.

steppemum · 21/01/2013 12:31

my dh was a virgin when we got married. For him it was a faith choice (I came to faith a bit late to be a virgin, but had been celebate for years before we met)

Our wedding night was very special and he has never regretted it. There is something great about waiting for someone you love and trust.

Forgetfulmog · 21/01/2013 12:43

Well said Betty - that sort of thing is just snooping IMO

tjah04 · 21/01/2013 13:18

It is better to protect it than to give it away freely ....

Narked · 21/01/2013 13:20

'Going off to reasearch a poster in order to try and trash them further'

Did I?

valiumredhead · 21/01/2013 13:23

What is the search option there for if not to search posters other threads? Confused

AKissIsNotAContract · 21/01/2013 13:26

This thread is pissing me right off now. I have no problem with people being virgins but some of the attitudes towards women who choose to have more than a few partners are just nasty. Have your views and live your life the way you want but there's no need to trash other women's choices. I've got plenty of self respect and had a great time fucking around when I was younger.

I remember the OPs other threads and there probably is a link between other things she's posted about and this issue. I don't think narked was being nasty at all.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/01/2013 13:28

It is considered bad form to let on you have gone to search for other posts by one particular poster. .

Fwiw had there not been an innocent intent, surely there wouldn't have a subsequent apology?

garlicblocks · 21/01/2013 13:31

Well said, AK.

valiumredhead · 21/01/2013 13:32

I don't think narked was being nasty at all either.

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