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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely mortified that I am still a virgin?

222 replies

WantsToBeFree · 20/01/2013 19:21

I will soon be 24 and I am still a virgin. There, I've said it Blush

Do I want to have sex? YES. Do I want to be in a serious relationship? YES.

Unfortunately, life has been very complicated for me so far, and you could say I haven't had the time or opportunity. I have been in a relationship and there was a physical side to it, but we never went all the way.I am not a prude, but I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust.

I am feeling very hopeless and quite embarrassed about my situation. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I a complete freak?

OP posts:
Pendeen · 20/01/2013 23:07

Don't be mortified.

When you find the right man you will lose your virginity to him and absolutely, fully, wonderfully LOVE it.

Believe me. xx

paddingtonbear1 · 20/01/2013 23:09

OP, you are definitely not a freak, please don't think that. My dh was a virgin when we met - and he was 28! He was shy and hadn't met the right person - until me :)

Guide26 · 20/01/2013 23:11

I lost my virginity when I was 17, it was a quite 2 minute fumble and ended with a "sorry its been so long and it doesnt normally happen that fast!" lol I was in love at the time and thought it was a compliment stupidly!

Sex isnt a big a deal as what people make it out to be, losing it just to someone just for the sake of not being a virgin any more, it would be nothing like finding someone you really do have that connection with, sex should be between two people who have that connection no matter what age you might be, it'll happen when you're ready and met someone special.

Molehillmountain · 20/01/2013 23:15

I was 24, dh was 26. My only regret-and this is tempered by the fact that I learnt a lot from being with the complete I was with before dh, is that we didn't both have sex for the first time together. I was dh's first. I certainly have no regrets about waiting so long.

Narked · 20/01/2013 23:17

Ok. You joined MN to tell everyone you're a virgin?

BettySuarez · 20/01/2013 23:19

What's wrong with that narked?

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 20/01/2013 23:24

Again, why the need to be so scathing? Is it only because the poor woman posted in AIBU? In Chat she would have been fine? No I don't imagine she did join MN to "tell everyone she was a virgin". I imagine she sometimes feels like the only one, because of the utter drivel people spout about sex, and wanted to know if she was as unusual as she thought she was. And she's been told that no, she isn't and not to worry.

Why is that apparently so offensive/unbelievable?

Clearly I'll feel daft if I'm wrong but never mind.

Narked · 20/01/2013 23:25

Nothing at all wrong with being a virgin. A bit weird to announce it on a parenting website.

Snazzynewyear · 20/01/2013 23:26

Would those people who want to troll-hunt please have the guts to do so openly. This barely-disguised contempt for OPs is not pleasant. Report if you don't believe it, or risk being reported yourself for not following talk guidelines. No-one is forcing anyone to post on the thread - not to share personal stories and certainly not to have a dig.

BettySuarez · 20/01/2013 23:35

She's not 'announcing' it Hmm

She's asking whether it's ok or whether it's something to worry about.

Where else could you ask a question like that, if not anonymously on Mumsnet?

BegoniaBampot · 20/01/2013 23:46

ynbu to feel freaky. horrible being a virgin in your twenties. you can really overthink sex.

ZooAnimals · 20/01/2013 23:55

narked she hasn't joined to announce she is a virgin. She posts in lots of different topics and has been around for a while, this is not her first post. I guess she joined mumsnet to talk about all different things, just like, well....everyone!

Narked · 20/01/2013 23:59

Fair enough. Seems an odd thing to post in AIBU about.

ZooAnimals · 21/01/2013 00:04

Sorry, I missed the guidance on what AIBU can be used for. As far as I can see it's a free for all!

Snazzynewyear · 21/01/2013 00:06

Yes, please point me to the rules about the kind of content/issue that can or can't be posted in AIBU. Or stop not-very-subtly questioning the OP's integrity without any evidence.

qualitytoffee · 21/01/2013 00:22

Last time i looked, it was open to everyone?
So the OP has chosen to post here, because she wanted to know ISBU.
Not in my book, i'm just glad that she can post here without being judged.
Apparently not, from a few of you.

garlicblocks · 21/01/2013 00:36

OP, I first DTD at 21. It was a date rape - I would have waited longer, though I now think I should have shagged my sixth-form boyfriend :)

It's only a matter of not having done something yet! Whether your first time is a majestic crescendo of powerful longing, a low-key friendly shag, a drunken tumble or a precision-planned ceremony, it will be followed by many other shags of many different varieties. Just make sure you feel safe and use condoms :)

happynewmind · 21/01/2013 01:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoelFammau · 21/01/2013 02:23

I was 30 before I even kissed. A background of emotional and physical abuse as a child and teenager was the cause. I didn't understand love and if I'm honest I still don't.

No biggy being a virgin at 24, but I'd check out your emotional side and make sure you feel healthy. If you are, be happy and see what life brings Grin

AdoraBell · 21/01/2013 03:39

I can't see what there is to be mortified about really OP, if you don't want to sleep with just anyone then continue waiting until you meet someone you feel is right for you.

Kafri · 21/01/2013 06:03

Cos it's so much better to be sleeping around with all and sundry and then spending time getting checked for STIs and worrying waiting for the results...

I've been with DH since I was 18 so there has only been him and xBF who I was with for a couple of years before DH.

There is no right or wrong but there is a 'right for you'. I've often thought (when younger, god I feel old saying that and I'm only late 20s) 'I'm not normal' but now I just think that it isn't me to jump into bed with just anyone and I'd feel worse now if I looked back and and had loads of partners. Similarly, there's nothing wrong with people having more partners IF THEY THINK ITS RIGHT FOR THEM

its clearly important to you to wait for mr right so go with that and don't fret.

Timetoask · 21/01/2013 06:19

Good for you!

You should be proud not to have succumbed to the pressures of this society obsessed with sex.

happynewmind · 21/01/2013 06:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AltinkumATEalltheTurkey · 21/01/2013 07:09

I was legally 16, and 11 months withy dh, I knew he was the one!!!

The other time I was 14

DannyUK · 21/01/2013 07:16

I find it odd that so many people on here are virgins or have only had one or two lovers. In this day and age if I knew anyone in their mid twenties or older that was still a virgin I would think that there was something wrong with them. (which I appreciate is not nice but it's honest if nothing else).