Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely mortified that I am still a virgin?

222 replies

WantsToBeFree · 20/01/2013 19:21

I will soon be 24 and I am still a virgin. There, I've said it Blush

Do I want to have sex? YES. Do I want to be in a serious relationship? YES.

Unfortunately, life has been very complicated for me so far, and you could say I haven't had the time or opportunity. I have been in a relationship and there was a physical side to it, but we never went all the way.I am not a prude, but I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust.

I am feeling very hopeless and quite embarrassed about my situation. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I a complete freak?

OP posts:
milkandribena · 20/01/2013 19:49

Don't be.
I was a virgin till I was 22. (and have only had 2 partners - 2 relationships)
I was and still am the same - I'm not the sort to have sex without the feelings.

It's better to still be a virgin and have had sex with people you don't like. Actually it is something to be proud of.

BoffinMum · 20/01/2013 19:50

Also not everyone has shagged loads of people, you know. A couple of my friends only ever slept with each other.

fertilityFTW · 20/01/2013 19:50

When most of my friends were being coerced and pressured into sex in their teens - I refused. Lost a couple of boyfriends over it as well - but just felt confident that the right person wouldn't pressure me and would respect my decision to wait till I felt it right :)
And I wasn't 'ready' in my estimation till my early 20s when I met the love of my life - and it was worth the wait to be in a loving, caring relationship with a gentle and thoughtful initiation. Comparing notes with old friends later I feel most fortunate to have such positive associations and attitudes towards sex.
You're worth the wait OP, let someone earn your trust and love first and let it be a complete experience.

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/01/2013 19:50

YABU to feel inferior or embarrassed about it.

I am the same age as you. Have slept with less than 5 but more than 1 men...could have done without going near 2 with a ten foot barge pole.

It's not a race and there is nothing particularly commendable about putting yourself about,whether one is a woman or a man.(not saying you might be a man,just talking people in general)

You'll know when it's the right person/time.

Callycat · 20/01/2013 19:52

I was 28 when I lost mine, and I'm not embarrassed in the least. My teenage years were too chaotic for relationships (very unstable family environment), and in my twenties I had such low self-esteem that I didn't even consider that anyone would want to sleep with me. If anyone has a problem with my late start, then it's just that - their problem.

YorkshireDeb · 20/01/2013 19:53

I wish I had waited instead of losing my virginity to someone who didn't really care about me at 17. When it does happen you'll be glad it was with someone special. X

cleoowen · 20/01/2013 20:05

Can totally understand where you re coming from. I was,a virgin until I was 22 and was embarrassed by it. I would make out I had had sex and felt a total odd,ball.

However, 10 years,later,I am not embarrassed by it and openly admit it. I am married to the person I first had sex with and I am glad,I didn't give myself to someone who would use and abuse,me.

Hard to do now but,don't worry about it. You will look back and,laugh at how worked,up you got about it.

Forgetfulmog · 20/01/2013 20:11

Don't be mortified! I was a Virgin until your age too! Nothing to be ashamed of. Just make sure the guy you eventually do "it" with is worth it!

Portofino · 20/01/2013 20:12

Sorry if this sounds rude but how many virgins were you expecting to find on Mumsnet ?

youknowIknow · 20/01/2013 20:14

I lost mine just before I was 21, holiday romance and I don't regret it at all, but I'm 26 now and haven't had sex again since. For me it's not a case of not wanting to or waiting for 'the one', just I'm very shy and the opportunity hasn't arisen since (due to the fact that I can't speak to anyone I find even remotely attractive). We're all different, don't worry about it.

Snazzynewyear · 20/01/2013 20:16

"I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust" is a really smart attitude to take. In those circumstances you are absolutely right to wait. Good for you for having standards and healthy self-esteem that you won't just sleep with any old rubbish.

Pontouf · 20/01/2013 20:18

I am married to the person I lost my virginity to. I was lucky in that I met DH when I was 18 and he was 19 and although I was a little bit later than most of my friends, I never felt like I was being left behind or anything. I had opportunities to have sex and "get it over with" before I met DH but I chose not to take them and I am so so glad I had my first sexual experience with someone who I loved, who lived and respected me.

My best friend is 31 and a virgin. He finds it incredibly embarrassing and lies about it a lot. He is also gay and has many confidence and body issues which add to his embarrassment. I also have a good female frond who is 29 and I'm pretty sure she is a virgin, although we've never discussed it. Both these friends are good looking, charismatic, lovely people who haven't found the right person yet.

I agree that the older you are, the harder this issue becomes, but it really is worth waiting for the right person. I know so many people who regret their first times, they were too young, too drunk or it was with completely the wrong person. I think it's great that you have the self respect to know you're worth better than that.

BeaWheesht · 20/01/2013 20:19

Well I'm 31 and have only ever had sex with dh. I wouldn't be mortified in your situation.

Cortana · 20/01/2013 20:28

YABU to be mortified.

"Yes, I've had opportunities, but I just didn't feel ready. And the guys just weren't right for me. "

You have had chances, but they weren't right for you. To me you sound like a confident person who knows their own mind, not a freak.

BarredfromhavingStella · 20/01/2013 20:46

YABVU to be mortified, you have a good attitude-stick with it.

ZooAnimals · 20/01/2013 20:58

Portofino I don't think she's looking to start a club! I'm pretty sure even mums were virgins at one point Shock

I imagine the 'I was like this, but now I'm happily married with a DC and it doesn't matter when you lose your virginity' comments are quite helpful. These comments are likely to come from women older than 24, some of them even mums!!

Fakebook · 20/01/2013 21:01

I'm still a virgin.

degutastic · 20/01/2013 21:26

I'm older than you. And I can't be arsed with mortification...

Original poster
WantsToBeFree · 20/01/2013 21:38

Breathes sigh of relief

So I'm not the only one. YES! Grin

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 20/01/2013 21:57

What, was this your quest to find a fellow virgin? Hmm

Sorry, I'm not getting it. Confused

LesBOFerables · 20/01/2013 22:05

Oh goody, are we all going to swap stories about losing our virginity? Super.

Portofino · 20/01/2013 22:13

Zooanimals, i am sure OP does not want to start a club, but I wonder why people with no children feel the need to ask people to share such experiences, on Mumsnet of all places. So I would be wary of oversharing here....

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 20/01/2013 22:18

Lynette, why are you being so horrible?

Seems a bit odd to me. There are plenty of non-parents on MN. Why would there not be some people who've never had sex?

Callycat · 20/01/2013 22:22

Porto, I suppose it's because MN is a community of (largely) kind and supportive women. I say, largely ...

VitoCorleone · 20/01/2013 22:23

One of my friends is 26 and is still a virgin.

Swipe left for the next trending thread