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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely mortified that I am still a virgin?

222 replies

WantsToBeFree · 20/01/2013 19:21

I will soon be 24 and I am still a virgin. There, I've said it

Do I want to have sex? YES. Do I want to be in a serious relationship? YES.

Unfortunately, life has been very complicated for me so far, and you could say I haven't had the time or opportunity. I have been in a relationship and there was a physical side to it, but we never went all the way.I am not a prude, but I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust.

I am feeling very hopeless and quite embarrassed about my situation. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I a complete freak?

OP posts:

ethelb · 23/01/2013 22:53

plus, not wanting PIV sex is a completely ligitimate option.

BegoniaBampot · 23/01/2013 22:53

No Boomewang, I'd say many folk who are still virgins into their twenties and thirties can feel quite desperate and abnormal and inadequate.

Original poster

WantsToBeFree · 23/01/2013 23:55

"You're still young though! I was 23 before I met my first bf, just busy uni life/travelling/lack of tolerance for bawbags/a kick ass vibrator meant I never wanted to fuck anyone until I met someone I liked and trusted. He was a friend that I had had a crush on and we just started spending more time together and then we had sex and it was really great. Ended up marrying and procreating with him. And the intercourse remains filthy and satisfying."

Made my day.

OP posts:

vienna1981 · 23/09/2014 17:44

I am male. Age 43. Single. Full-time employed. Homeowner. Virgin.

Also, never kissed, dated or even held hands.

This is not a wind-up, I promise.

I suspect I have just been very unlucky.

Latara · 23/09/2014 18:48

vienna1981 as this is a Zombie thread (old thread) maybe you should start a thread of your own. But maybe in Chat as AIBU can be a bit harsh at times..

Bulbasaur · 23/09/2014 18:52

Naw. If you really wanted it, you'd hook up with a guy in a bar.

It's worth it to wait for the right person.

There's a world of a difference between fucking and making love.

ProudAsPunch92 · 23/09/2014 20:01

My partner was a virgin when we got together when he was 24 and I think it's sweet that he waited for the right person. I wish I had waited. I think it's a good thing that you're a virgin, it will make it all the more special when you meet the right person. I think people are far too blasé about sex these days, it should be an act of love :)

MrsBoldon · 23/09/2014 20:13

In no way should you be mortified. I lost my virginity too early really but have gone for loooooong periods in my 20s and 30s without sex (longest just over two years) because I got to the point of recognising I only wanted to have sex with people I really connected with.

Have been seriously emotionally burned by a twunt recently so might not bother again for a long time. I'm comfortable with that. Stand by your approach to sex, you've never done it because it has never seemed 'right'. Don't change that. It will be 'right' at some point and will be great!.

vienna1981 · 23/09/2014 20:14

Just getting it off my chest ladies and gents. I really don't expect my situation to change but I'm grateful for your replies and I enjoy reading them.

whataloadofoldshit · 23/09/2014 20:14

I think you should be rather proud of yourself actually!

vienna1981 · 23/09/2014 20:15

Plus when I first came across this site I didn't have a clue what AIBU meant. Or any of the other acronyms.

whataloadofoldshit · 23/09/2014 20:15

Ah shit it's a zombie thread

Bambambini · 23/09/2014 20:16

I get you. I didn't properly lose it till I was 21. It blows up to be the big elephant in the room in your mind. It's ok for folk saying it's ok etc but I wonder when they lost theirs and I doubt if they understand if they lost theirs in their teens. The longer you leave it, it seems to get worse. I was just glad to get rid of mine in the end. And after all the waiting, wanting it to be special etc - it really was no big deal.

vienna1981 · 23/09/2014 20:48

No worse, no better. Not ashamed, not proud. But there isn't a day goes by when I don't think about what is a very routine rite of passage for so many people. And how this side of life has passed me by thus far.

MrsPiggie · 23/09/2014 20:58

As the others said, nothing to be ashamed of. I lost my virginity at 22 and the only downside was that I fell head over heels for the jerk like a teenager
Anyway, what's the deal with "sexual experience" - unless one plans to make a career out of it how do you think it helps you in life?

goldopals · 24/09/2014 09:13

I am 27 and a virgin. No big deal

slurpling · 24/09/2014 14:07

You know what? Fuck it I'm posting. I'm a virgin and 27. Just came out of a 4 year relationship - he had issues from a previous incident and never wanted to dtd. solidarity fist bump

slurpling · 24/09/2014 14:08

Oh fuck zombie thread.

BsshBosh · 27/09/2014 12:23

Don't be mortified. I was a virgin until 22; my best friend was a virgin until 28. We were both just very fussy about our men! We both went on to have good sex lives, both married, both had kids, both still enjoy sex with our DHs :)

BsshBosh · 27/09/2014 12:25

didn't realise this was a zombie thread!

ByeByeButterfly · 27/09/2014 13:23

I lost my virginity at 17 and wish it was later.

My partner lost his virginity at 21 and I am proud of him for that.

Sex isn't everything .

It will come to you when you aren't thinking about relationships.

PiperRose · 27/09/2014 15:04

Ok. OP, you are not unreasonable. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. Just don't let it become a barrier to finding someone, if someone's what you want.

HOWEVER, all of you lot casting aspersions on women who have had lots of sex and have enjoyed it. Seriously? You feel that it's appropriate to judge? How can we move past the 'women who have lot's of sex are sluts' idea we get from men when it's women perpetrating it?

HouseBaelish · 27/09/2014 15:19

If it helps I'm mortified that I slept with someone who sang MN8's "I've got a little something for you" whilst waggling his willy at me.

Think yourself lucky.

It doesn't matter when/how/with whom you do it. Be happy. It will happen.