to dump my BF for going with a prostitute...

[snailfiddler]

... 24 years ago.

On a lads holiday to Amsterdam.

How come it's mainly women who make this 'choice'?

Bet you wouldn't think a Thai boy was making a 'free choice' to be fucked and paid for it by Western paedophiles.

I don't know anything about the male side of prostitution and the thread wasn't about that.

Of course you can rape someone unwillingly.

Someone puts a gun to a man's head and tells him to fuck the woman in front of him.

If he does it, she was raped. By him. But is he a rapist? I would argue not.

If a young man in Thailand went for a massage and found himself in a brothel (pretty easy mistake to make. It would be harder to find a non-brothel massage parlour in parts of tourist Thailand) he could well find himself under a lot of pressure from the masseuse to have sex with her.

Why? Because she would be under strict instructions from her pimp to show the Western boy a good time. Often on pain of severe beating or something happening to her family.

That's why I said that going through with it might have been a kindness. It really might have been the best thing he could do at that point.

As fucking grim as that is.

I feel very sorry for a young man in that situation.

when youre talking about other cultures though it gets really difficult. One of the points being is these women do not have a real choice. It is either have sex for money, or starve. Theres not social security to fall back on.

If that was my choice I would have sex for money too. If youre concentrating on the sex bit, then its the wrong priority. Its the fact that the majority of the world have nothing, no way of feeding their families. Thats whats fucked up. Thats the tragedy. Not what they resort to

What do you do about it then AThing? Does the law in Thailand class prostitution as rape? and your scenario of a gun-to-head-forced-sex is highly unlikely to happen, I wouldn't say it never happens but that's nothing like the scenario given up thread.

The law in Thailand doesn't even class child prostitution as rape.

But the men who go there to rape little girls are still scum.

badinage the only male prostitute I knew was actually making money for trans surgery. I don't know if he was making a free choice, but he did it because he could make money more quickly that way.

Of course, nearly all male prostitutes still have male clients, vanishingly few female clients. [I believe I have a statutory obligation to point out that some female prostitutes also have female clients]

I asked how come it's mainly women who make this 'free choice'?

Because that's at the heart of this thread.

Most prostitutes are women and most punters are men. Reason for that is there's hardly any demand from women to pay men for sex. Not because women don't want sex and not because they dislike it.

But because they don't live in a world where some men are regarded as the 'sex class' and if women can't get sex for free, they feel entitled to buy it from the sex class rather than go without.

The reason so many people on this thread think that men using prostitutes isn't a big deal is because deep down, lots of people still think men need sex in a way that women do not - and so they can't be blamed for paying for it.

to be a bit tedious, I remember one young woman of my acquaintance saying many years ago she had no problem getting sex, just decent sex.

I said I'd settle for any sex... she smiled.
There is another possible reason why many women don't pay for sex...

One more chap and there's the difference.

I hate the insinuation that men need sex. What crap. I have a high sex drive and I might say to my partner 'i neeeed sex' but I don't. I can easily live without it, just as a man would.

But lets be hypothetical and put whatever seediness aside, if the woman was there of her own free will and choosing, would that be okay?

If men didn't "need" sex, none of us would be here.

Its not need, it's want.

Two completely different things.

My ex's excuse for cheating on me was 'im sorry I just needed it'.

Laughable :o

hully if you are still reading cheers mate

I am sure you have done this before...pulled someone up for misrepresenting me in my absence

99.9% of women (and men) selling sex do so because they have to not because they want to

Can you cite that?

I thought prostitution was legal in Amsterdam and that prostitutes had workers rights and trade unions.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_the_Netherlands

I do not know if such legelisation applied 20 years ago.

"if the woman was there of her own free will and choosing, would that be okay?"

Not by me, no.

I think buying another person's body for sex is immoral regardless of whether they sell it willingly.

But even for people who think it's OK if the prostitute is happy to sell their consent there must be two conditions to make it moral
1 the prostitute must be willingly selling her consent and not coerced in any way (other than payment)
2 the punter must be able to determine with absolute certainty that no.1 is the case

In a real world situation, no.2 is as good as impossible.

So there is always the question of whether it was rape.

And if you're not sure, and you do it anyway...

Agree with that. How can you be sure they are not forced or even trafficked. If there is even a chance then you should not be having sex with prostitutes as you are then responsible for all those who are forced or trafficked to say nothing of those who are just desperate. I've recently changed my mind on drugs for the same reason. I've never really done drugs but didn't see that recreational use of milder drugs or cannabis was that big a deal. But looking at the business and misery behind the supply of drugs has made me realise it is harmful. Whole communities are under threat and being controlled by the gangs and cartels behind the drug industry. An old friend who lives in Mexico was recently held up in her car with her family by drug gangs with AK47s. They put their foot down and refused to stop and luckily escaped. A few weeks later a young woman, a mayor who stood up to these same gangs was abducted in front of her young child and tortured and killed. Her husband had been killed in the same way a few years earlier. Anyone who takes drugs is helping to cause these communities to be terrorised and controlled. Guess I feel the same way about prostitution. There are victims and if you use drugs or go with prostitutes you are a part of the problem

Sorry for banging on.

oh my lord, seriously, 24 years ago. Get over it and fast. I doubt there is a single persona alive that hasn't regretted something they have done in the past 24 years. He was young, naive, stupid, pissed, whatever. There are people doing this as a regular hobby these days.

He told you about it, which means he has more morals than most because a lot just wouldn't have been honest and wouldn't have told you.

Who cares what somebody did 24 years ago. As long as it was safe sex and he's been tested and you're not at risk then I honestly don't see a problem.

"Get over it, and fast"

Bossy bugger, ain't ya

AFD, hehe sorry to be blunt but also darling, i'm sure that's a similar style of yourself.

Yeah who cares as long as he protected his own health and his girlfriend's health isn't threatened eh? Let's not worry about the poor cow he bought. Get over it woman, if you want a relationship!!

As for Amsterdam, has that poster read what happened after they legalised it?

I wouldn't dump someone for visiting a prostitute in the past before they met me. I might not fully approve but he was a different person back then an at least he was honest. I mean gosh if that's the worst thing that happened on a lad's holiday then you should be relieved!

It was 25 years ago; that's a LONG TIME AGO. People change. Morals change. Many men sleep with prostitutes. It's not great but then mabe he was desperate for a shag. Was it better if he picked up a random in a nightclub?

It would be a deal breaker for me I think. It depends really on why he's embarrassed or sorry - is it because of the effects on him (that it lowers people's opinions of him, that it could lead to the end of your relationship) or is he sorry because of the nature of the sex industry and the effect on women and specifically the impact of his actions on the woman that he paid to use? If the former (which tbh from your other thread is the most likely), it would be the end no question. If the latter it might lead me to give further consideration, but in all honesty for an 8 month relationship with no ties I don't think I'd be interested in compromising something which I find really important.

Either way, YANBU. You can end a relationship for whatever reason you choose and you don't have to justify it to anyone. You don't have to stay together just because the reason isn't "good enough".