to dump my BF for going with a prostitute...

[snailfiddler]

... 24 years ago.

On a lads holiday to Amsterdam.

The only reason it doesn't cross some women's minds to dump a man who's used a prostitute is because it's never occurred to them that this is a particularly bad thing for men to do. It's treated on a par with having sex with a consenting partner and not the abuse that it is.

I don't see it as sex with a consenting partner, but I don't see it as abuse, that's done by those who push girls into the sex trade against their will.

Dreaming Yes marriage is different. However this man is at all family events, he has been made a part of our family. As much as if he married into the family.

You misunderstand about the embarrassment. He is ashamed that he did it. But not embarrassed to tell people. Because something that happened has not dictated who he is and his, now, values. If someone wants to judge him on 45 years ago, he would prefer to know straight away.

He is actually an inspiration. And he shouldn't hide away.

Oh and putting conditions on anyone is wrong.

I don't see it as abuse, that's done by those who push girls into the sex trade against their will.

And they wouldn't be able to do that if men stopped being punters and didn't fuel the demand.

badinage actually you are wrong.

I feel using prostitutes and going to strip clubs is very very wrong.

However i also accept people do shit stuff and that doesn't always define who they are 24 years later.

Ah, that's different isn't it. I know what you mean.

Again, I did say I wouldn't put any conditions on anyone. If I felt we were incompatible I would just leave.

If you don't give a crap what I think, why did you specifically ask me what I thought?

And I didn't call your husband a rapist. I said he probably raped that woman, although it seems he was not a willing participant in her rape.

But this bloke doesn't think it WAS 'shit stuff'!

He thought it was a fair transaction until he realised he'd fucked up by admitting that and then quickly brought out the 'dumb and stupid' card.

AThing, now you are saying he is probably a rapist. I suppose that's marginally better!

I am sorry but I actuallu laughed out loud at 'i said he was probably a rapist'

There you go rhubarb, all better. Athing is only saying he is probably a rapist.

Really lovely people that think a woman's probable rape is a reason for mirth.

I guess she was foreign and it was long ago, so that makes it a laughing matter now.

AThing it's obvious from this thread that people don't think it is a laughing matter.

It is also obvious that your black and white view about what constitutes being or probably being a rapist is very very extreme and in the minority.

AThingInYourLife how is it a probable rape? You're making a massive assumption there. A lot of women chose to sell their bodies.

Must be tough having the weight of the world's ills on your shoulders whilst all us shallow folk just skip merrily through the bluebells. I know, I know we just don't understand.

And to be absolutely crystal fucking clear - if a man participated unwillingly in the rape of a woman, he is not a rapist.

I thought that would have been obvious.

So no, I didn't call TheRhubarb's husband a rapist.

It sounds like he felt coerced. He was certainly in a very difficult position.

If you knew even the first fucking thing about the sex trade in Thailand you would know that it is very unlikely the woman was not making a free choice to sell her body.

Double negative - unlikely she was selling her body as a free choice

You can't 'possibly rape someone unwillingly'!

I don't know about Thailands sex industry ( I assume you do AThing)- please do share your experience. I do know about the UK sex Industry

define 'choice' - women make a 'choice' between selling her body for sex or starvation - is it STILL a choice? Really?

99.9% of women (and men) selling sex do so because they have to not because they want to

i wouldnt dump someone for that 24 years ago, unless it really icked me out, which it doesnt. Youre well within your rights to dump anyone at any time for anything i guess. For some people this would be a major issue, but i personally think that would be pretty harsh and stupid if everything else was great.

It probably isnt though, or you wouldnt even be considering it.

AThing - right just calm down for one, I'm not going to get into this debate with you if you're going to swear at me.

Gordy - They do it as a job, I'm not saying its right but they chose to do it. Just as we chose to work - not many would work unless they had to. It's still a choice, albeit not much of one.

I know about 6 prostitutes, I would consider them my friends, 1 of which originates from Thailand. They would most definetley tell you it's their choice to do what they do. And they'd be disgusted, especially the Thai girl, if she thought people were thinking she had been raped. That takes away their choice, that takes away their power - which I will add they feel they have. They feel they have power over these men.

I'm not going to be naive and claim every example is the same, but comments like 'hes a rapist' are stupid and misinformed.

athing do you even read peoples posts and take them at what they have said, or only read them to twist them?

I did not laugh at the woman in thailand. let me make it clear I was laughing at you and you 'actually i didn't say you husband was a rapist, I said he was probably a rapist'.

Because its the most laughable thing I have heard on here for a while. As though saying he is probably a rapist is any better. We have what rhubarbs dh has said and from that he is not a rapist as you have later agreed.

But you can't have that as it doesn't fit your black and white view.

Which is athing is rhubarbs husband a probable rapist or not.

because you seem to be all over the place.

Ive known several prostitutes too. Most were the happy hooker type. Did it because they were/ are already pretty promiscuous and just thought why the hell not, or were offered money for it and just thought why the hell not. Its not as uncommon as people think. I reckon most people know someone who does it but just doesnt talk about it.

Saying that, its obviously not the same everywhere. My dp went to malaysia on a business trip with his old company, and they were provided with prostitutes, which i found obviously hideous hideous hideous. The two people he went with were totally up for it, but my dp did not want to at all. They got him one anyway!! He spent the time in her room talking to her and she was beside herself upset at first that dp didnt want to have sex with her as she would have got in real trouble :'(
He was really upset by it and so was I. What a horrible culture and those poor women. I was disgusted by his then "friend" who spoke to his one and she told him what a shit life she had had, and how she had basically had no other choice. He had sex with her anyway.
Some men are such cunts.