to dump my BF for going with a prostitute...

[snailfiddler]

... 24 years ago.

On a lads holiday to Amsterdam.

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

It seems entirely a matter for you. If knowing this makes him repulsive to you then no amount of people telling you you're being unfair or unreasonable is going to alter that. you can't rationalise your way out of visceral disgust.

[meditrina]

How did you find out?

[Mu1berries]

I'll be murdered here but I just deducted 24 from my age. i WAS shagging a married man 24 years ago. I would never, EVER do that now and I am ashamed of it.

[Mu1berries]

actually my maths! it was 14 years ago but it still feels a lifetime ago.

[snailfiddler]

AnyFuckingDude he told me. We were chatting about our sexual pasts.

[LineRunner]

I don't really understand why and how he told you, but ...

It bothers you. A lot.

You have only been going out with him for 8 months.

I'd call it a day tbh, because you are pretty unlikely to move on from this. You won't change what happened. And you seem dissatisfied with his stance on it now. It will likely always be an issue for you.

[snailfiddler]

He told me because he wanted to be honest and we were discussing our sexual pasts.

[BOFingTheDude]

Ohhhh, I was getting the wrong end of the stick.

I thought he'd been your boyfriend for 24 years.

Hmm. I'm not sure that I'd be invested enough then to overlook it, not unless he was extremely clear that it is something he now feels is wrong. If he just 'seems' ashamed, ie he wants you to shut up about it, then that wouldn't make me feel confident enough in his character.

[BupcakesAndCunting]

I would dump.

I was a different person as a youngster but I still had lines that I wouldn't cross.

[LineRunner]

OP, being honest is a way of testing the waters with someone new.

This one's not for you.

[AnyFuckingDude]

I am all for honesty in a relationship but some things just can't be unlearned, can they ?

[BupcakesAndCunting]

What AF just said ^

[suburbophobe]

I live in Amsterdam.

So I have to get to work,

I go through the red light district.

I wouldn't want any man who goes to prostitutes basically.

[snailfiddler]

True AFD, true

[DinosaursOnAnAdventCalender]

I would end the relationship. Which probably seems harsh but it would change the way I looked at him. I wouldn't want a relationship with the type of man that though paying to abuse a woman's body was an ok thing to do. And I'm sure he could have changed etc, but I couldn't unknow what I now knew so it would be over for me.

[AnyFuckingDude]

Put it this way, OP. If I learned my husband of 19 years and father of my two dc had slept with a prostitute before I met him, I would leave him.

There is a range of answers you are going to get here. Some women wouldn't dump a bloke if he slept with a prostitute yesterday.

It's what you can live with, not us.

[YerMaw1989]

Might he have been lonely and was desperate for some companionship?.

[snailfiddler]

The thing is, if I dump him because of this, it could make him conceal this fact from future partners. I know I'm over thinking but maybe I should find a different reason...for the sake of sisterhood...

[Cozy9]

Breaking up a family over something that happened before you even met is a ridiculous thing. How do you justify that to your kids?

[snailfiddler]

AFD, would you be upset that he had concealed that fact for 19yrs?

[BupcakesAndCunting]

If you're lonely and desperate for companionship, you can do any number of things. Get a hobby, search lonely hearts for a likeminded being, get a hamster, pick up a random in a bar for a quick 1-2 if you must.

Shagging a prostitute is the action of a man who wants sex with someone who will be completely under their control because they're getting paid for it and someone who wants sex but doesn't want any emotion to come into it. This speaks volumes about a person's character, IMO.

[snailfiddler]

YerMaw - I doubt he was desperate for company, he was on a holiday with his mates

[LineRunner]

Even having to think, Is he HIV-negative? Can I ever have a baby with this man? will wear you down.

OTOH You might part with him whilst offering the very useful sound advice that he needs to guarantee his sexual health and that of potential future partners, and then learn to understand that this is not like mentioning a quick shag when young at a party.

[bradywasmyfavouriteking]

God I don't know.

the logical part of my mind says it was 24 years ago and he sounds ashamed of what he did. I am 30 and am ashamed of mistakes i have made in the last few years and would hate to be judged on who I used to be.

Then I think its a line that shouldn't be crossed.

then I think that 24 years ago it was more 'acceptable'. well not acceptable but there is a distinct change in opinion towards sex worker in the last 20 years.

Then if he was really young did he give into peer pressure.

I really don't know.

What I would say is that its a bit unfair to ask for total honesty then dump hm because you don't like it. How would you felt if you told him you deepest, darkest secret and he dumped you? would you understand and accept it?

[BupcakesAndCunting]

"Breaking up a family over something that happened before you even met is a ridiculous thing. How do you justify that to your kids?"

That's a daft statement.

They've been together 8 months so they don't have kids together and in any case, if DH said to me "Oh I meant to say, in 1997 I beat up a pakistani bloke because I hate those people" it would totally taint my opinion of him.

I would justify this to my child by saying "Daddy isn't the person that mummy thought he was"