to dump my BF for going with a prostitute...

[snailfiddler]

... 24 years ago.

On a lads holiday to Amsterdam.

[GhostShip]

Except they're the ones who would suffer if some people had their way, and it were made illegal altogether.

They aren't a footnote at all, you're making them one because it suits youre argument. Them being happy and not abused doesn't fit in.

[strumpetpumpkin]

it means to me that its not the prostitution that's bad, its the trafficking and coercian. prostitution can and does happen consensually and its ok to all involved.
we don't say sex is bad because some people get raped. we don't say chocolate is evil because of the huge problem of child slave labour in its production. we target the actual problematic bits of it, not generalise.

[jakesmith]

I think this is a really sad situation. If you really find it so abhorrent, or are worried that people will find out & judge him/you, then fine, but not only was it so long ago that he would have been a completely different person, but also there are going to be loads of people that have had moments of indiscresion, such as poorly judged sexual actions, drug use, drink driving etc, everyone has a past.

It's hard to meet the right person, be sure that this is enough of a big deal to not want to be with someone. What would you do if you were blissfully happily married & found out say 5 years in?

[fortyplus]

This is probably a hopelessly naive question... But surely if he went with a prostitute in Amsterdam where brothels are legal and seem to be a fairly well accepted part of everyday life (and I'm not referring to the seedier parts of the red light district but to the fact that every town has a 'Club' just on the main road just outside) why would he have felt that it was tantamount to rape?
As a young man 'going along with the crowd' whay wouldn't he have thought that it was a business transaction between two consenting adults?
We know so much more nowadays, but this man is so clearly ashamed of his past action that I'd forgive him. Or is he somehow 'dirty' because he had sex with someone who only wanted to do it for the money? Has the prostitute sullied him in some way? What are you saying about this woman who 24 years ago may have been only too happy to earn some money in a way that seemed easy. She probably has regrets now too.

[lovebunny]

i can't believe this thread is still running. either accept it or leave him. you've been keeping me hanging on too long, never mind him!

fortyplus, did you name yourself after the magazine of that title? if so, i have a vivid image of you in my head...

[fortyplus]

lovebunny - I'm afraid I daren't Google! But no - I only looked at mn because someone at work told me to (I work in social housing) so I just came up with a boring name, not intending to stick around. I've been here so long that I should really be changing to fiftyplus!

ps I'm a flat chested international athlete if that doesn't burst your bubble too much!

[lovebunny]

forty! i used to work for a wholesale newsagent and saw things in those days that i had never seen before or since! fortyplus was a magazine of generously proportioned older ladies - my did we laugh! we were young at the time...

[fortyplus]

I've led a very sheltered life...

[snailfiddler]

Thanks all for your various perspectives and inputs. We have had a thorough chat about things. BF (note: not XBF) has increased his awareness of the sex industry and he made the point that if women really were "happy hookers" then they would be doing it for the minimum wage instead of working at Adsa etc. Its the unpleasantness that makes it so financially lucrative.

I saw David Attenborough on the telly at the weekend - 30 yrs ago - digging up a turtles nest and eating (yes actually cooking and eating!!) the turtle eggs himself.

If he had researched the subject and accessed all the available info, he may have realised that this was a bad idea for turtle conservation in the future. He ate the eggs without question because in the micro culture where he was, it was acceptable.

24 years ago we were all different people. I can accept and move on.

Thanks again

[strumpetpumpkin]

good luck to you both, sounds like a great outcome x

[lovebunny]

excellent!

[fortyplus]

snailfiddler you both sound incredibly sensible - unlike some on this thread!
We all live and learn - I'm quite sure that I'm a nicer person now than I was 24 years ago.

Good luck for the future

[dreamingbohemian]

Well, if you're happy, that's a good outcome

I'm not really sure what turtles have to do with it though