to think this should have got, at least a reply.

[PoetryMistress]

Dear Husband

So today is the end of the week and this far it?s been quite tough,
So I decided to peer in the mirror and saw someone looking quite rough,
The weekend is nearly upon us and so tonight after bedtime and bath,
I shall shroud myself in a beauty regime whilst you watch TV and laugh,
Firstly I deal with the smoothness and shave pits, legs and bits,
I lather my body in soapy delight and shout you to look at my tits,
In the buff I?ll defluff, all my lady bits and stuff, and maybe pedicure my toes,
I?ll wash and delight, then cream through the night so my body smells like a rose,
I?ll forgo pyjamas and slip on some lace, silk, see through and slutty,
Then I?ll beckon you into the bedroom whilst you mould my body like putty,
Perhaps you could prepare just a little, it will only take a short while,
You need to practice your accents and plaster your face with a smile.

From PM.

Give him a chance - he's probably not managed to forward it to all his friends and colleagues yet.

deconstruction:

shrouding implies death

too many, like, commas

putty like body is a bit unappealing

why would he need to practice accents?

I am however admiring of the correct usage of forgo, easily confused with forego

HTH

Maybe he just needs a bit of time to work out how to ask you to lay off the poetry?

probably thinks you've lost the plot and is hoping that normality will return by the time he gets home.

It's shit.

Are you hoping to get it published in the local paper? I love those pomes

You do concentrate heavily on removing your body hair (are you very furry?) but neglect to remind him to wash his knob. A smile is not enough, oh no.

OK, I've just read it again and this time I'm impressed by the way you've continued the 'putty' simile by using the word 'plaster' in the last line. Are you heavily into DIY?

sorry, but eugh!

You have managed to make yourself look very unappealing! Did you intend to seduce him or repel him?

Of course he will not reply! You have told him about your skanky toenails and your hair removal regime, and he will be too busy thinking about the subtext of that!

arf at it's shit Corlan

Dear PM - Off to the pub, don;t, like, wait up

Your Husband x

Is this a joke? I don't get it.

I think the last couplet needs rewriting to include SuePurblybilt's suggestion

'Perhaps you could prepare just a little, to heighten the pleasure between us
Spray some deodorant over your balls and run a babywipe over your penis'

He probably thinks you've been at the sherry again love

Arf@ corlan

Maybe he prefers his couplets to not be rhyming ones?

proper snort at corlan.

ahahahahaha Corlan

Clean off, like, your forskin cheese
and, don;t ask for doggy style
think of me knees

Perhaps he's trying to work out what metre you were aiming for?

Perhaps he has left you on the twin grounds of bad poetry and killing off romance?

Or has popped out to buy you a strimmer to make all that hair removal easier?

I much prefer..

'Hickory dickory dock, i want to sit on your cock'

Concise and to the point.

Apologies for getting ideas above my station,
But I don't think we need to know about your epilation.

It was probably kinder of him to ignore it, TBH...

IN fact, the OP should text her dh Deementeds suggestion!! grin

You've got to be patient.

The reply will come from a solicitor once your DH has faxed back to him a signed copy of the Engagement Letter.

I Like that Deemented short and to the point ...