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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this should have got, at least a reply.

197 replies

PoetryMistress · 18/11/2011 14:16

Dear Husband

So today is the end of the week and this far it?s been quite tough,
So I decided to peer in the mirror and saw someone looking quite rough,
The weekend is nearly upon us and so tonight after bedtime and bath,
I shall shroud myself in a beauty regime whilst you watch TV and laugh,
Firstly I deal with the smoothness and shave pits, legs and bits,
I lather my body in soapy delight and shout you to look at my tits,
In the buff I?ll defluff, all my lady bits and stuff, and maybe pedicure my toes,
I?ll wash and delight, then cream through the night so my body smells like a rose,
I?ll forgo pyjamas and slip on some lace, silk, see through and slutty,
Then I?ll beckon you into the bedroom whilst you mould my body like putty,
Perhaps you could prepare just a little, it will only take a short while,
You need to practice your accents and plaster your face with a smile.

From PM.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 18/11/2011 16:43

brilliant garlic!

grovel · 18/11/2011 16:44

This rhyming is all very well
It's funny, it's raunchy - it's swell!
But OP is sick
She just wanted some dick
But hubby's out of his skull at The Bell

garlicbutter · 18/11/2011 16:44

Why Thanks Wink

garlicbutter · 18/11/2011 16:45

But Grovel just got a huge belly laugh! I'm expecting the neighbours to knock and ask if I'm okay Grin

MushroomMagee · 18/11/2011 16:45

Hahahaha...

If I sent that to my DH he'd think I'd lost the plot!

Mum1369 · 18/11/2011 16:52

To share this info would seem
unwise, misguided, extreme
the mention of unseemly hair
before teatime is somewhat unfair
though romancing ones husband seems quaint
a poetry mistress she ain't

grovel · 18/11/2011 16:55

LOL again at Mum

Mum1369 · 18/11/2011 17:05

The notoriety this poem has built
has engendered more internet guilt
to reply to this poem you see
meant my children had pizza for tea
as the pressure to rhyme things with glands
suggests way too much time on my hands

garlicbutter · 18/11/2011 17:05

If I employ my Venus
On my legs and vadge and pits,
Will you employ your penis
On my freshly-shaven bits?

garlicbutter · 18/11/2011 17:06

Mum, I feel your children's sacrifice was worthy.

catgirl1976 · 18/11/2011 17:09

garlic - thats the winner :)

garlicbutter · 18/11/2011 17:11

Cool, catgirl - gimme your badge NOW! Grin

ScarlettIsWalking · 18/11/2011 17:12

Love it love it!

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 18/11/2011 17:12

I just texted DP to ask him why he never felt the need to send me SEXY POMES to incite BEDTIME ACTION.

He replied:

"You seem to forget, it is Fri-iday.
I'd rather have a take-away"

catgirl1976 · 18/11/2011 17:13
deemented · 18/11/2011 17:14

Oh god, come back my pelvic floor....

Am reading these out to manshape and he's looking at me like i'm a little bit er... demented Grin

This tread has got to go into classics...

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/11/2011 17:15

i got a text from DH today. When I first looked it said "fuck a big cock"..i was quite :-0 and thought he was being all caveman..but when i actually opened the message it said "i just got a spam email which just said "fuck a big cock"....

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/11/2011 17:15

i was sitting with my friend at the time too and she wondered why my face was :-0

garlicbutter · 18/11/2011 17:15

Am rather impressed by dickie's H. As much for his sense of priorities as his rhyming skills.

ScarlettIsWalking · 18/11/2011 17:23

If you play your cards right
you'll be on for tonight
we'll cavort we will grind, rut and fiddle
but i think I will sob
if you still won't wash your knob
i would rather just sit here and diddle

Mum1369 · 18/11/2011 17:36

Dear Husband

Your silence speaks volumes, my dear
I have frightened you off now, i fear
my intention excite
you've had such a fright
have you gone down the pub for a beer?

grovel · 18/11/2011 17:40

A child's lament for Mum.

"Pizza,huh?
So Mum's been netting
Writing doggerel
I'd be betting.

Pizza, huh?
Not good enough!
We get fuck all
While Mum shaves muff.

She's in the bathroom
With a razor
Dad won't notice
That'll faze her".

Mum1369 · 18/11/2011 17:45

grovel !!!!!!!! Have we met ;)

Mum1369 · 18/11/2011 17:54

Their appetite was duly sated
and vitamins are overrated
tomato and cheese
designed to appease
the awful long time that they waited
With DH i'll have to recoup
the time I have spent with this group
it's steak he's expecting
but largely detecting
this evenings delight will be soup

grovel · 18/11/2011 18:16

A husband's lament for Mum

Soup again? Oh fucking hell!
Any solace?- well,my kids eat well.

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