to think this should have got, at least a reply.

[PoetryMistress]

Dear Husband

So today is the end of the week and this far it?s been quite tough,
So I decided to peer in the mirror and saw someone looking quite rough,
The weekend is nearly upon us and so tonight after bedtime and bath,
I shall shroud myself in a beauty regime whilst you watch TV and laugh,
Firstly I deal with the smoothness and shave pits, legs and bits,
I lather my body in soapy delight and shout you to look at my tits,
In the buff I?ll defluff, all my lady bits and stuff, and maybe pedicure my toes,
I?ll wash and delight, then cream through the night so my body smells like a rose,
I?ll forgo pyjamas and slip on some lace, silk, see through and slutty,
Then I?ll beckon you into the bedroom whilst you mould my body like putty,
Perhaps you could prepare just a little, it will only take a short while,
You need to practice your accents and plaster your face with a smile.

From PM.

Pending - fuck that was so funny.

best thread ever.
lame OP, notwithstanding.

You ladies of Mumsnet are bad
You have made the OP feel so bad
Instead of waxing her bum
She has reached for the rum
And is burning her poetry pad

Good god. I imagine he's been typing and deleting all day.

Its a sad sight to see
a wife such as thee
depilating to such an extent
in the hope of some nookie
When your husbands still mucky
And very possibly bent!

I'm trying to imagine my dh's reaction if I sent it to him.

I might, just to see.

I wanted to see what my DP would say if I sent something like that to him so I just sent him this

When you come home,
We should spend some time alone,
There's things I want to do
Involving just us two,
Make haste and come home to me,
As I really am feeling rather dirty.

Am waiting for a wtf text back

I'm shaving my hair
You'd better beware.

Would, I think, meet the case.

oh go on. Send the original OP one.

I don't think he'd say anything. I think there'd be a knock at the door and some lovely friendly men with one of those nice jackets with super duper long arms would be there

'while you watch TV and laugh'

• I keep thinking of OP hypnotically waxing and defluffing and creaming to a constant refrain of HO HO HO from the downstairs snug.

eeek.

It's powerful stuff though OP, you should do one for the queen's next birthday.

Yes go on Hully. If I sent my DP the OP's original one he'd know it was a mn thing.

It's times like this that I wish I had a boyfriend.

Dh, I have the horn
I've been watching too much porn
Suggest you get home quick
and poke me with your dick

I bet he'll be FURIOUS if she's used his razor........

Oh my loving adorable hubby
I know that I'm hairy and chubby
But I do do my best
And I count myself blessed
That your willy's so ugly and stubby

If I sent the OP to DH, he would be too frightened to come home

Santa's come early
And he's short and he's curly

Me too, Shirl

mine too, Porto

oh oh OH my SIDES.

Best thread in aeons. Thank you grovel et al. Thank you OP.

Are you in the shower, covering your tits in soapy delights?

I know my hair has saved on the heating
But I dont want to drive you to cheating

So I stocked up razors, veet and foam
And I can't wait for you to get home

All up the stairs there's a furry path
And wait till you see the state of the bath!

I shaved and I've waxed - there's not a hair left
So you can admire my pristine cleft

I've put on silk stocking and knickers with frills
I waited all day to give you some thrills

They say that gillette is the best you can get
But you haven't had the best of me yet

I smooth and I'm gorgeous - I've had my tache lazered
I just hope you dont mind that I've clogged up your razor

"Are you in the shower, covering your tits in soapy delights?"

Sounds a bit like a rude advert for LUSH products.

at catgirl

Darling switch off Top Gear
I've got something up here
You might like to whip out your wanger.
My undies are sheer
As is my brassiere
OI! GET A LOAD OF THESE BANGERS!!