Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people choose parenting as a hobby?

330 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 08:47

What I mean is those people who seem to make a "thing" about it all....talking about their parenting choices as though they're inventing a new philosophy....such "Baby Wearing" and "Unonditional Parenting" and so on....I mean ifyou wat to use a sling do it...I did...but it''s not a special way of parenting ffs....they seems to grab onto fads and fashions regarding DC and then live it as a religion.

These people will blog about their lives in minute detail...and just....I don't know... really LIVE the choices. I don't know why it irritates me it just does. I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday and still living their lives totally through their kids...no hobbies or interests apart from the kids...so taking little Sophie to ballet, ridng, drama. playdates is the be al and end all of their life.

There's nothing wrong of course with being interested in your DC....of course not....I am consumed by my DC in a normal way....but the way some people "get into it" as if they were a teenager obsessed with a rockstar or something.... I find it odd and detrimental to other relationships...my sister and one of my friends is like this....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/07/2011 08:51

YANBU... some people are obsessive, competitive, bossy types and becoming a parent just brings out the worst in them.

Esta3GG · 30/07/2011 08:51

You sound like all my older rellies who can't understand why people make such a bloody fuss about bringing their kids up these days. I am inclined to agree with you. When women start comparing parenting books I head for the door.
But each to their own.

BulletWithAName · 30/07/2011 08:53

They're living through their children. Those sorts always seem to be terribly dull and therefore have to do these things to make up for their lack of personality.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 08:55

My sister in particular is so judgey about other people....she can't see further than her elbow....God love her she is a lovely person...but unless people do as she does,they're crap parents and the kids are brats.

OP posts:
stupefy · 30/07/2011 09:00

It's the stupid names that make me Hmm

Baby wearing..

Cloth Bums..

And the one that really makes me Confused is 'baby led weaning' and people that claim they did pure BLW.. i don't get it!

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 09:07

Oh yes...BLW. I kept wondering what that was until I realised it was just the way I had dealt with my two...on the advice of my Mum and MIL....we didn't have a special name for it though. Grin

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/07/2011 09:10

"....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives."

I can answer this as I have a mum that never really got over the fact that my DB grew up. Obsessive parenting, control freakery, whatever you want to call it, it's rather suffocating and has led to a lot of contrary rebellion along the way. We're both respectable & middle-aged now and, because she's still treats us like stupid kids, we rather keep our distance. I don't think she's worked out why.

stupefy · 30/07/2011 09:10

it's s shame. No ridiculous special name - no badge of honour !

LaWeasel · 30/07/2011 09:15

It is a bit weird.

I do read books occasionally, because I like to be up to date, and have no clue at all about lots of things (like weaning) and don't really have anyone to ask for advice bar HVs etc.

But just because I did BLW and quite enjoyed being able to eat my food while it was still hot, doesn't mean I give a stuff what anyone else does or don't want to talk about anything else! In fact generally as a SAHP I am generally desperate to not talk about parenting as much as possible.

TrillianAstra · 30/07/2011 09:16

I hear small children get in the way of other hobbies.

EssentialFattyAcid · 30/07/2011 09:21

Some folk are pretty religious and evangelical about their lifestyle philosophy and it can be boring if you don't share their views - but surely this can be so be it about religion, eco living, attachment parenting, politics, veganism etc

Don't waste time worrying about what these parents will do when their children are older, there are plenty of other things they will get into.

Personally I am interested in reading parenting books and happy to discuss them with other interested parents.

I think you are right in saying that some folk choose parenting as a "hobby" but I don't think this is worse than building model railways in your shed tbh and I imagine that the kids get more out of it.

Pushing your kids to achieve for you and not for themselves is different and is clearly very wrong imo.

worraliberty · 30/07/2011 09:23

I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives

They'll become the interfering MILs from hell.....

msbuggywinkle · 30/07/2011 09:27

I'm someone who reads and researched everything. A lot of the time there are very good reasons for it, for me, it was because I knew I couldn't rely on advice from friends (none of them had children when I had DD1) or family (DP's family were neglectful, mine were abusive).

For others it is the way they make every big decision in their lives - and when your first baby is coming up to weaning age it feels like a much bigger decision than it is in hindsight. Some people just enjoy reading about parenting and babies, erm, why not?

It is also possible to do the above and have other hobbies, but perhaps when parents talk to other parents they might want to talk about one thing they know you have in common rather than waffling on about their weekends of birdwatching when they have no idea if you have any interest in birds?

LaWeasel · 30/07/2011 09:27

Admittedly my hobbies are all things I can do at naptime, without leaving the house.

Plus, some evangelical's do end up turning parenting their way into a proifitable hobby: making products, writing books etc. If they do well it's not a bad plan by any means.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 09:31

Good point worra! My MIL has regularly tried to parent my DC...not "grandparent" them but parent them. She admitted to me once "What I really want is a baby of my own."

Confused
OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 09:33

LaWeasel and there's the rub. There's a lot of money to be made from the parenting industry...invent a new "Solution" to some age old parenting problem and you're quids in.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 09:34

mrsbuggy no. I'm talking about people I know intimately. Not parents from school or whatever....my sister and an old friend. They have no other hobbies or interests apart from their kids.

OP posts:
Honeypie80 · 30/07/2011 09:37

"....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives."

You only have to look at my MIL for the answer, cries when we visit and then promtly have to leave cos shes so over bearing, her eldest at 31 has only recently left home, up until then she did everything for him and i mean everything, cooking cleaning, tidying his room, when he brought girls back she would invite them down to breakfast the next day... we visited at xmas for a flying visit and she practically locked us in begging us to stay for the night.

I couldnt ever imagine being so obsessed with my own children, i think it says more about the parents non existent life than the child.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 09:40

Mine is like that Honey! She weeps and stares at my DC....literally....she's so cloying that my elder child who likes her own space, cannot bear it.....MIL sits stroking her arm obsessively.

Poor MIL.

OP posts:
Honeypie80 · 30/07/2011 09:53

I wouldn't even go if someone sat there stroking my arm, how creepy is that?

Ive tried to help her get her own hobbies and stuff, even started going swimming with her to get her out of the house, Its just hard to want to be in the same room with someone who is so interfering. Her husband never really takes her out anywhere, while hes out at the pub every night, so shes left alone to drink the night away which has increasingly got out of control. I feel so sorry for her, but short of moving in and letting her feed us i don't know what else to do! Just pray that i never become her..

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 09:56

I know! I had to tell her not to do it....she's so intense that you get dragged in....I mean how do you say "Stop stroking her arm MIL" without appearing weird yourself?

I just said "I don't think she likes that MIL."...of course she took umbrage.

OP posts:
Honeypie80 · 30/07/2011 10:02

Ha ha i would love to be a fly on the wall in that conversation... "I mean how do you say "Stop stroking her arm MIL" without appearing weird yourself?"

So true!! I'd get your dd to say it herself, she wouldn't probably get upset with her saying it. After my youngest uncle left home my nan started buying those creepy dolls, i remember going round once and she showed me some baby clothes, thinking they were for my cousin who was due at the time i said but you dont even know if shes having a boy, she says there not for her there for my dolls......... Im blood related to that woman !!!

StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2011 10:05

I enjoy reading about parenting and children. It's part of the reason I'm on mn. We're not all here for the bum sex threads

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 10:08

What will you read when the DC are big Stealth?

Honey MIL has 3 dogs and calls them "The kids" Hmm

OP posts:
Honeypie80 · 30/07/2011 10:16

Oh no! I think it may be too late to save her Wink.