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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people choose parenting as a hobby?

330 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 08:47

What I mean is those people who seem to make a "thing" about it all....talking about their parenting choices as though they're inventing a new philosophy....such "Baby Wearing" and "Unonditional Parenting" and so on....I mean ifyou wat to use a sling do it...I did...but it''s not a special way of parenting ffs....they seems to grab onto fads and fashions regarding DC and then live it as a religion.

These people will blog about their lives in minute detail...and just....I don't know... really LIVE the choices. I don't know why it irritates me it just does. I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday and still living their lives totally through their kids...no hobbies or interests apart from the kids...so taking little Sophie to ballet, ridng, drama. playdates is the be al and end all of their life.

There's nothing wrong of course with being interested in your DC....of course not....I am consumed by my DC in a normal way....but the way some people "get into it" as if they were a teenager obsessed with a rockstar or something.... I find it odd and detrimental to other relationships...my sister and one of my friends is like this....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives.

OP posts:

vividgingerchilli · 30/07/2011 14:39

youarekidding, I feel like that as well about the DCs not having read them :)

Original poster

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 15:03

Finally but again there's no need to be defensive....I too love my DC....threads like these are a way to help me understand othr people.

As I said earlier, there's no malice.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 30/07/2011 15:07

I think that anyone can understand that, but why would someone be posting all about the birth on a DCs 15th birthday? Have they no thoughts for the poor DC?

Oblomov · 30/07/2011 15:15

I wish other forums were as much fun as MN. Can we creat one ?
"Un-Mumsnet" ? Then I could go off and talk , with as much glee as I do here, about all the other things that interest me. Without the focus being on parenting and the children.
Being a mum and parenting actually does come quite low on my list of priorities.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2011 15:36

exotic... I have several acquaintances like that, they really do embarrass their chilren. Perhaps they felt that being pregnant/giving birth was the most important and 'womanly' time of their lives and they never felt as needed since as they did then? If so, it's really sad and I think the mothers/MILs who get clingy with grandchildren are perhaps the same.

exoticfruits · 30/07/2011 16:16

The DD in the blog will have to be very self assertive in the future and find a partner who is equally so-her mother has made herself an expert and the chances of her DD saying 'We will give birth our way and let you know when the baby arrives' is nil! There will be the two of them and mother!

Changing2011 · 30/07/2011 17:33

Spareroomsleeper..... If your head wasn't so high up your backside you would probably realise that your "super smart, bright, confident" DD would have probably been just as"super smart, bright and confident" without your assistance or reading material. Look around, there are plenty of "super smart bright confident" kids around whose mothers know they have it ready prepared, born this way in the words of lady gaga. So there.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/07/2011 17:47

Well said changing

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2011 17:49

Applauds Changing... You said exactly what I wanted to and didn't.

exoticfruits · 30/07/2011 17:57

I think that far more then 50% is down to nature and that DCs grow up despite their parents!

Original poster

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 18:34

Agrees with what changing said. I didn't have the guts to say that but I did think it....it was a bit of a dig I thought....at people like me who aren't wrapped up totally in their DC.

Most 2 year old's are super bright in their own ways.

OP posts:

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/07/2011 18:37

"super smart" .

Original poster

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 18:50

It's true what changing says....my sister is a teacher...year one...and there's one child in her class who is amazing apparently. A self taught reader and very, very bright....but she is also completely neglected by her parents. SS are on the case apparently. The cream will rise.

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 30/07/2011 19:32

Bizarre that it's fine to boast about what a great parent you are if you're so laid back your kids raised themselves, but admitting to taking an interest in parenting and being proud of your children is unforgiveable

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2011 19:57

Maybe boasting isn't a great thing, RitaMorgan, posters who do it get ribbed. The post by spareroomsleeper came across as insufferably smug to think that she was being 'shredded' for her parenting. Not at all. There are many routes to raising a child and we all want/try to do what's best for them. Boasting about your child's exceptional abilities, making the presumption that you are responsible for that is just cringeworthy. As MumblingRagDoll says, there are examples of children who thrive in spite of their parents.

For goodness sakes, I don't think there is a parent on MN who doesn't take an interest in their parenting or delight in being proud of their child(ren).

BulletWithAName · 30/07/2011 19:59

There's taking an interest, and there's being an idiosyncratic bore about it all.

AitchTwoOh · 30/07/2011 21:16

an extraordinary response to spareroom's post. absolutely extraordinary. i take it you all made a point of missing where she said that she didn't wish to repeat her own childhood? that's a pretty brave admission, imo, and completely explains why she has every right in the world to feel proud of having a happy, smart kid.

why someone describing her child as super-smart makes you people feel awkward, enraged or boaky is utterly beyond me. it's got nothing to do with you... in fact perhaps this is the point here... perhaps you feel judged by this type of parent when in fact they really are only talking about themselves and you aren't part of the picture?

youarekiddingme, absolutely no offence taken here. hope you have a brilliant holiday and that the packing wasn't too hellacious.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/07/2011 21:17

Nope aitch not judged at all.

AitchTwoOh · 30/07/2011 21:26

why on earth then does a woman describing her child as super-smart make you sick, then? is it the super? pretty much synonymous with very these days, i'd have thought.

saladsandwich · 30/07/2011 21:48

i must admit i probably seem alittle dc obsessed, not in a "my child is the best" kinda way though, i use to read the parenting books for guidance when he was little because it's pretty much just me and ds, only person i have for advice is the health visitor. i'm also a nursery nurse so the books where already in the house.

i don't understand the blw, ebf, ebm, bf, ff no one gives a stuff really what other people do, makes me laugh when you see people mention they fed a bottles of ebm, why state it, no one cares x

RubyFakeNails · 30/07/2011 23:56

I absolutely fucking hate all this over-parenting bullshit! It's something I only encountered in the past few years as I had first 2 DCs young and just sort of got on with it, at the time had no money, lived in a shit area and was considered a good parent for simply not being drug/alcohol dependent. Some of the things I did then would be probably considered sins by the BLW types.

THEN I had DD2 and what a rude awakening, living in a much more affluent area and its all awfully middle class. I'm constantly being told little Clementine/Florence/Beatrice is so bla bla now because we did some certain type of parenting. Yeah it's all great when it goes just like the book says but these are kids not science experiments what happens when they have a shit fit in M&S or kick another child (obviously then it couldn't possibly be your influence its that devil tv or the dreadful neighbour who, heaven forbid, smokes!). The only thing I'm grateful those irritating ott bitches did is made me aware of mn.

People really need to stop being so self-indulgent and and obsessing and documenting the minutiae of their lives and just live. The time spent reading all those blogs, books and other baby bullshit could have been spent actually having fun with your child, creating lovely memories. As far as I'm concerned I haven't killed, maimed or abused my children and they're not particularly badly behaved, happy enough and I doubt they'll grow up to be killers, me fussing about which way I wiped their bum would have been of no benefit to anybody.

RubyFakeNails · 30/07/2011 23:57

God sorry for that essay but this really gets on my tits. I don;t know whats going on on half the mn forums there are so many baby related abbreviations.

Original poster

MumblingRagDoll · 31/07/2011 00:19

I don't think it's very healthy. Nor for anyone.

OP posts:

SpareRoomSleeper · 31/07/2011 00:36

changing..If your head wasn't so high up your backside, you'd probably read my post with a little more understanding and sensitivity - and you might have responded differently. Nowhere in my post did I claim my DD was bright because of my parenting - I said IF my parenting had helped in any small way, then I was happy with that. And I am.
And whats wrong with using the word "super"? Super super super super SUPER smart. so there.

And to all those who applauded changing for that little tantrum, you come across as quite insecure, and abit jealous.

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 07:34

The best thing that you can do for them is benign neglect. (not all the time obviously)

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