To think some people choose parenting as a hobby?

[MumblingRagDoll]

What I mean is those people who seem to make a "thing" about it all....talking about their parenting choices as though they're inventing a new philosophy....such "Baby Wearing" and "Unonditional Parenting" and so on....I mean ifyou wat to use a sling do it...I did...but it''s not a special way of parenting ffs....they seems to grab onto fads and fashions regarding DC and then live it as a religion.

These people will blog about their lives in minute detail...and just....I don't know... really LIVE the choices. I don't know why it irritates me it just does. I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday and still living their lives totally through their kids...no hobbies or interests apart from the kids...so taking little Sophie to ballet, ridng, drama. playdates is the be al and end all of their life.

There's nothing wrong of course with being interested in your DC....of course not....I am consumed by my DC in a normal way....but the way some people "get into it" as if they were a teenager obsessed with a rockstar or something.... I find it odd and detrimental to other relationships...my sister and one of my friends is like this....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives.

I made a nice sling out of a Farmfoods carrier bag. It has changed my life.

Erm, Lady in the Radiator - her words were "why are you being such a cow to SRS" - stop re-writing other peoples posts! I am just responding to what has been written.

*MrsBloomingTroll" after the 50s we had a sort of revolt against the old patriarchal figure didn't we....so maybe in the next 10-20 years or so there'll be a resurgence of children being seen and not heard? I think we need to find a happy medium.

It's entirely unbritish to praise our children in public and we generally think it's smug, but I'm guessing we all think our 2yr olds are super smart, well unless they're not at all,... It's human nature, I think it's called love.

I do my best. I don't follow any code, just attempt to make my dcs kind, considerate and hard working...most days I succeed with most of my dcs although DS1 has my lazy gene but not the academic aptitude so far to get away with it.

And guess what? Wherever they go I'm told that they are kind, polite and considerate. Not just 'fine' or 'okay' but proper compliments accompanied with surprise as noone seems to expect it anymore. And it's all down to ME!!

In which case, Im not clear on why I have been called a cow. Sorry.

Fastweb - try a sling. When times get rough

He weights 36 kilos !!!! Not picking that heffalump up ....unless there is a fire.

I did use a sling at the start when he was a newborn, Milan buses and metro are staircase infested. But my dicky shoulder soon took that option off the table.

And he fell asleep every time he went in it. Which only encouraged the extreme insomnia he practiced from birth. I wanted him asleep only when it gave me a chance to collapse in a heap on the nearest bit of floor in gratitude.

Six years old before he slept through the night.

I called it torture.

My parents called it nemesis.

And I loved his pushchair. I really miss it. You could fit a tonne of stuff in the basket underneath. I have to carry it all now. Trick shoulder likes that even less than a sling.

fastweb - SRS was jumped on for hoping that her parenting has "helped in some small way to make her [dd] the way she is" - a fairly modest hope and not one that sounds like overestimating her impact to me.

Can I just be honest and may regret it

I was the mum who lived through her child. I read the manual baby books before my pfb DS was born. I then bought him home and realised very quickly that he didn't conform to the books. It actually stressed me out. That's when I realised I needed to stop trying to make him a baby that 'followed the rules' and therefore was considered perfect and try to find what worked for us. I did obsess to a point though that we weren't doing it the way we should.

He cluster fed all day everyday, but slept for 5-6 hours a night from birth. I stopped thinking I should wake to feed every 4 hours. I had viral hepatitis when he was 7 weeks and my milk stopped. I felt guilty as I felt and wanted to EBF until 6 months then wean. He needed 'extra' from 4 months. I soon realised why when at 5 months he sat up and at 9 months was walking.

No, he didn't follow the milestones but he did some early and quite a few late (talking/ teeth etc).

I don't think I'm a better parent for it but realised when DS was about 2yo that I needed to do things for me, which made both our lives happier.

Therefore I am now doing my degree to get a better career and better lifestyle for both of us.

So my thoughts are coming from experience.

Having said all the above I expect most of us live through our DC's in some form - we have too, they are our responsibility.

I have learnt to ignore all the 'we do it this way, aren't we great' as perhaps (and I think some here are making the same point) it's done to reassure the parent not to dis my parenting methods. I have found a simple 'I'm glad that works for you' without commenting on what I do works. But I do find it annoying I can't help it .

Of course they SHOULD to some extent...they must come first in many things...but there's a tendency to be precious to the point of weird about not upsetting the DC.

Yes. That is a perfect sum of of some parents of pretty poorly behaved children I know.

tbh the only person i know that treats her kid like a little emperor is a mother who works v v hard out of the home and finds it near-impossible to say no to him in the precious time they get together. i can understand that, really.

other than that, i don't recognise the stereotype. i do have mothers (even some MNers!) on my google + now who seem to post a lot about how darling their children are, and how many slings they've bought etc. honestly? i just think 'how LOVELY for them' and quickly skip to the next thing. i don't really understand why other people's happiness would make someone feel so negative, tbh.

social networking is an interesting insight into what drives people, i think. didn't know so many of my friends were such foodies until i saw post after post after post and photo after photo after photo of their dinners... who knew? so i think 'how LOVELY for them' and quickly skip to the next thing. the fact that it bores me to tears in fact is none of their business.

her parenting has "helped in some small way to make her [dd] the way she is" - a fairly modest hope and not one that sounds like overestimating her impact to me.

I think perhaps the weight given to high octane parenting in conjunction with the sharp contrast with the self deprecating hoped for outcome, is what is causing the raised hackles myself.

I have been very irritated in the past with people who have an attitude that if a massive, overwhelming, gut busting maternal effort makes just a teeny decimal point degree of improved outcomes for a child, then any mother worth her salt, would do it in a heartbeat.

I've found the subtext of the message communicated is that even if a questionable, tiny measurable positive difference if offered, this high octane version parenting is the litmus test of love. And sorts the sheep from the goats.

Perhaps the poster in question is reminding people of a "type", and they are reacting to that ?

I think personally the poster's use of "desperate" was more telling than anything else she wrote. Which makes me think she is a different kettle of fish from the kind of parent I was talking about above.

Rightly or wrongly my impression was that she was putting a VERY intense pressure on herself, as a way to ward off history repeating itself.

This thread is absolutely ridiculous.

People just do what they do. Whatever you do, someone will say "meh" and someone else will want to condemn you to hell in a handbag for it. It's human nature.

I've read some parenting books because I've felt totally out of control with some aspects of bringing up my son. I've done quite a bit of arsing around and not knowing what I am doing and feeling fine with it, too. I don't think where you place your child on your list of priorities is really any cause for self-congratulation either way, whether it's number one or way down low. It probably changes from day to day for most of us.

Most people are just muddling along, whether they are studying the latest fad, taking their children to every developmental class going. lolling about on the sofa in their pyjamas or pursuing a blazing trail of glory at work.

"Rightly or wrongly my impression was that she was putting a VERY intense pressure on herself, as a way to ward off history repeating itself."

so if you are right, and there is every reason to think that you are... why is everyone being such a bitch to her? i genuinely don't understand.

she hasn't repeated history, she should be proud of that, shouldn't she? and if reading all the books etc helped her not to repeat history, that suggests that they are a force for good for some people? i find the responses to poor SRS's post completely baffling, tbh. you're all sounding a bit mad, imo.

amen, working9while5.

I have to admit to cringing when I hear about mums 'babywearing' as a whole sort of philosophy, it has an air of superiority and exclusivity about it and it's how they define themselves- babywearers. A friend goes to a sling support group! What would happen if you turned up with a push chair I don't know!
I had ds in one of those slings made up from 10m fabric for about 2 weeks. It pissed us both off- he got too hot and I felt like I was caught up in a straightjacket. Back of the class for me!

I have come across the uber competetive parents .I was friends with one once and had to end the friendship.She was a funny ,companiable person but soooooo competetive and would really get up the noses of everyone else .Her DC had to be the best,the quickest to walk,the cleverest,the tallest, etc

It was quite draining being around her but I came to realise she was suffering with low self esteem .
Im not talking about someone who thinks their DC are clever ,happy and brilliant -I thought that about mine and yes I worked bloody hard at not repeating the EA I suffered as a child and read a few books as a result and at times I did question my own parenting.
There are competitive people in all walks of life -some of them happen to be parents.

A friend goes to a sling support group!

Oh FFS, I've heard it all now. I have some advice for her.. If you don't like wearing the sling or you can't manage it, DON'T FUCKING WEAR IT. Jesus Christ....

but they really enjoy it, the slingers, and they have coffees and swap ideas for tying them and generally-speaking they will have other things in common (a lot of the slingerettes i know are right into eco stuff and making clothes etc) so what i don't understand is... why does that annoy you? what is the problem with other people liking to do stuff that you don't?

Because it's ludicrous. Why the hell do you need support to wear a sling? Why? If it's that stressful then why not just stop? It's not like breastfeeding is it, it's not beneficial to your baby. It's a mode of transportation. Maybe I should start up a buggy support group?

I think it's the exclusivity that pisses me off, the fact they'd look down on you if you put a disposable nappy on or ff or whatever and have made a little club based on it. Any sort of oooh we're the same sort annoys me though, I've never been a joiner, I'll find common ground with anyone, even a 'slingerette'! But I will cringe inwardly if they start spouting evangelically about their fabulous parenting!

The term 'babywearing' makes me cringe-as if the poor DC is an accessory.
You do have to respond to the baby you have -some like their own space and they want to be put down in it!

Well it is in my eyes, sorry, I don't get the whole big thing about wearing slings, so to me, it is just a mode of transportation.

It is beneficial for some babies some of the time-it isn't beneficial for all babies all of the time!

This is the whole problem of making the DCs your hobby-there is the weird idea that there is the way and if you follow it your DC will grow up to be the ideal DC.