To think some people choose parenting as a hobby?

[MumblingRagDoll]

What I mean is those people who seem to make a "thing" about it all....talking about their parenting choices as though they're inventing a new philosophy....such "Baby Wearing" and "Unonditional Parenting" and so on....I mean ifyou wat to use a sling do it...I did...but it''s not a special way of parenting ffs....they seems to grab onto fads and fashions regarding DC and then live it as a religion.

These people will blog about their lives in minute detail...and just....I don't know... really LIVE the choices. I don't know why it irritates me it just does. I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday and still living their lives totally through their kids...no hobbies or interests apart from the kids...so taking little Sophie to ballet, ridng, drama. playdates is the be al and end all of their life.

There's nothing wrong of course with being interested in your DC....of course not....I am consumed by my DC in a normal way....but the way some people "get into it" as if they were a teenager obsessed with a rockstar or something.... I find it odd and detrimental to other relationships...my sister and one of my friends is like this....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives.

That was not specifically aimed at you, but I agree with nethunsreject.

this thread is also competitive. 'i am more than my child, other women are consumed by them, therefore i am more interesting than other women etc'.

btw the idea that this is all new is utter nonsense, despite the fact that people on this type of thread always claim such. parenting manuals have been around pretty much since the printing press, because... guess what... people have always wanted this information and plenty of people have distinctly not wanted to bring up their children the way that their families brought them up. do read Dream Babies by Christina Hardyment for more info. (incidentally, it's the best parenting manual out there, despite being a historical look at them through the ages. i don't know what i'd have done if i hadn't known to strap my screaming babies to boards and hang them up on the wall. )

it also might amuse you to know that people were making satirical swipes at Rousseau-esque mothers (ones who abandoned themselves entirely to the care of their children) back in the 1760s. when he wasn't philosophising on the social contract etc, old Jean-Jacques was quite the childcare guru... [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rousseau-Emile-Everyman-Jean-Jacques/dp/0460873806/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1312020966&sr=1-2 Emile, do have a read]] who thought that nature's way should be followed and children's freedom should not be stifled.

and anyway, I read recipe books, despite having been taught how to cook very well by my mother, i do not consider this a personal failing or expect you all to start threads about how foolish i am to have bought a Nigel Slater book when i can phone my mum instead. so despite the fact that i have seen gazillions of these types of threads on MN, i never really 'get' them...

AitchTwoOh- I've just ordered a copy of that book. It looks like a really interesting read, thanks for the link.

this thread is also competitive. 'i am more than my child, other women are consumed by them, therefore i am more interesting than other women etc'.

Couldn't agree more.

I don't think its the reading of books etc thats the issue here, its taking it to the extent that these people have no other topic of conversation, and think themselves so superior because of it.

I have an acquanitance that no matter what the topic of conversation, within 60 seconds she has turned it back to her and her children. You can be talking about the hadron collider or the fauna of Sarawak (not that you would, but still) and with three easy steps she can turn it into a diatribe of her parenting methods and how unbearably perfect her children are because of them. Dullest woman on the planet, people run away from her in the street.
Nothing new about it though, just more vocal these days as they have more platforms to speak from.

Yes this is exactly the same sort of thread as the ones that make sneering generalisations about the school run mums - the vacant-headed, fashion obsessed lot who talk about nothing more than their children and spend all day after dropping them off watching daytime TV and getting their nails done

Some parents, rightly or wrongly, have no choice about whether all they have in their life is their children. I have very limited finances and I choose to spend what spare money I do have on the activities that my children do instead of myself. Therefore you could say that what I do revolves around my children 100% of the time.
They do clubs - netball, hockey, football, cricket, competitive swimming and so on because they love sport, and they cost money.
I do have my own hobbies and but they take a back seat all of the time - I don't resent that, it's just the necessity.

youarekidding, we got bought a pregnancy manual and it was very useful; it kept the fire going all evening ;)
They are invaluable for some people however.

I may have got it wrong but I don't believe this thread is people saying I'm more than my child.

I don't think it's healthy to live like the op sister and friend are being described.

The BLW thing for me is that people bleat about letting the child lead what foods they eat, when they are ready etc etc. Almost assumes those of us force fed our children.

But I don't believe I am more than my child, I am more for having him in my life, I can't imagine life without him. I believe that me having some interests of my own and sometimes making mistakes makes our life together richer. For example my better career will benefit us both.

I am a LP and have been since DS was 13 months so my situation may be slightly different?

Stealth if you don't want to see sneering generalisations, what are you doing hanging out in AIBU? Surely thats the main topic around here.

vivid I think they have value just caused me more stress as DS hadn't read it.

i tend to ditch people with poor social skillz from my circle, tbh. if you all know women who are really tiresome and boring about parenting/large hadron collider/fauna of Sarawak, just stop seeing them. no need to sneer at them online as if it is some sort of 'movement', i think. it's just boring people being boring people.

Happy to read them, challenge them where I feel appropriate

after all it is A IBU, not IANBU agree with me or don't post

"The BLW thing for me is that people bleat about letting the child lead what foods they eat, when they are ready etc etc. Almost assumes those of us force fed our children'.

the name blw is a bit shonky in this regard, imo. if it was 'self-feeding', which is really a better description i think, there wouldn't be that problem.

although i think 'bleat' is a barely-disguised sneer.

after all, if you did let your child eat the food they wanted, and they ate when they were ready, what is the problem exactly, regardless of whether it was puree or not?

We're all boring, in our own ways, to many people. I imagine I am deathly dull to most!

Yes...we probably are all boring in our own ways....I don't mean to sneer...I just can't understand how maternity issues are an interest after the birth is done with...but that's short sighted....I mean I am not a historian but I am still interested in history....just as someone who is not a childbirth professional can be interested in the subject.

I do think some people get too involved in the lives of their DC and that can and does cause trouble later.

I don't get fishing, or people who are interested in in aeroplanes

But I do love public health and public health and statistics...well... :o

I do think people who lineup all their cloth nappies and take photographs of them to post on facebook are really very silly.

I also think people who think they are better parents and better people because they use cloth nappies (babywear/blw/AP/breastfeed/overschedule their kids lives delete as appropriate) are quite silly too.

I think I'm one of those mums that is being shredded on here: Ive read all the books, I know all the technical terms/names, and I always discuss these things with other like-minded mums.

I dont know whether its the fact that I'm a researcher by nature, or whether I was a young(ish) first time mum at 25, or whether I grew up feeling strongly that I desperately wanted to parent differently to the examples I saw, and sometimes even experienced. Whatever the reason, I'm not about to apologise for it; I have a gorgeous, happy, healthy, bubbly, intelligent and super smart 2 year old DD that anyone who comes into contact with always comment on her brightness and confidence , and I am proud proud proud of her, and if my obsession with parenting has helped in some small way to make her the way she is, then I am content with that label

I strongly believe being a parent and bringing up my little girl will be the most important thing I will ever do in my entire life. Not the only important thing, but the most important thing.

I love talking to other mums about parenting, reading parenting threads on here and even discussing parenting books/articles I've read.

On the other hand, I also enjoy reading non-baby related books, watching movies, going out with my girlfriends for coffee/shopping, and will return to University to study in september. There is a large part of me that is very career-oriented and also quite self-focused, and it co-exists very happily with the 'obssessed' parent in me. The result is a happy me, and a happy DD.

Hmmm. DS isn't my hobby. MN has become a bit of a hobby though, which isn't too good!
I did have to give up most of my other hobbies when DS was born but they are there for the picking up again whenever - but my biggest one is and always has been reading, and I've never stopped that. I couldn't.

OP - YANBU. My sis is a little like this, it does worry me for her a little as well - but I think she'll be ok in the end.

But even worse than people who make their children their hobbies, IMO, are the people who make their pets their children and also their hobby. That's even weirder.

Sorry aitch 'bleat' wasn't meant to be a sneer.

Just had used the term with DS a few times once or twice this morning as I'm trying to pack for holiday and he kept adding to my list and unpacking and it spilt over into my coffee and MN break. Its just something I say sorry if it offended you.

And yes I agree 'self feeding' is a better term when the concept involves not spoon feeding. I guess it's a bit of a sore point for me as DS needed solids fairly early but had teeth late (ie after he walked!) so he was given food from a spoon but offered never forced. All he could do was suck toast etc but milk wasn't enough for him when he was so active.

I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday

YANBU. I was reading a blog where it was the DD's 15th birthday and the mother wrote all about the birth in great detail-so embarassing for the poor DD when anyone and everyone has access to it. After 15yrs why would anyone want to know?-unless they are about to give birth and asked.
She then went on to say what she would do differently if she were to do it again, the youngest was 13yrs and she wasn't mentioning having another, so whatever was it all about......?

Needless to say it is a woman who takes it all very seriously-I'm not sure how she will ever let go.

Completely agree with aitchtwooh I find the 'I'm just so laid back and have everything in sensible proportion' competitive too. And though this attitude comes across as no nonsense there's loads of judgement involved eg. frequent deciding that other women are 'too' or 'over' involved. It's great for you if you feel so relaxed and confident about being a parent that you can do it unselfconsciously; but many people can't.

I was one of those awful 'overinvolved' parents when my DDS were little and I guess you could have said they were my hobby. I was totally in love with them; just like when you first get together with your partner. I supppose somebody who didn't like me very much would have called me obsessed. But a less judgmental person would have seen someone in love with my babies, incredibly relieved and proud that I had managed to have a family life, and really trying hard to get things right. In common with many women; I was worried that my unhappy upbringing might be repeated.

Anyway, as my children have got older I have gradually resumed some of my previous life and now I am definitely not obssessed by the tiny detail. I have an active social life and a career. But I would not condemn another woman for living 'through' their children.

I would also like to defend the (usually older) women who are being criticised on this thread for being 'too' clingy. That is entirely your own judgement of how people 'should' love other people. My mum strokes my DDs arms and can't take her eyes off them. Some people love like that.