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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask genuinely, why people don't get married?

617 replies

Lookandlearn · 05/04/2011 19:38

if they are in a committed, permanent relationship and have children? It's a genuine question and I am happy to be ignored if it's too mosey, but gives an airing to side issues from another thread on here.

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 05/04/2011 19:39

it is faaaar to mosey.

activate · 05/04/2011 19:39

don't wanna
can't be arsed
20-odd years, 4 kids - no big deal is it?
got good wills that's all covered

usualsuspect · 05/04/2011 19:39

Because I don't want to

nethunsreject · 05/04/2011 19:40

Why should they, if they are happy with their status quo?

(I am married, btw, but don't think my relationship is any 'better' than those who have been together for years without marriage)

hardhatdonned · 05/04/2011 19:40

'I want to wear a pretty frock' isn't a good justification for blowing money we don't have when all our friends and family who married at our age divorced within 2 years :o

D0G · 05/04/2011 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunshineOnARainyDay · 05/04/2011 19:42

Because it's too expensive - we have loads of other things we'd rather spend the money on. The biggest commitment we have made to each other is to have children together. No need to get married imo

JarethTheGoblinKing · 05/04/2011 19:42

D0G - you've saved me the effort of writing it all out Grin

louloudia · 05/04/2011 19:42

dont know, dont feel sure enough i suppose

MillsAndDoom · 05/04/2011 19:43

Hardhat you don't have to don a pretty frock and blow money - you can get married in a registry office for around £100. Which is probably less than the cost of a solicitor drawing up all the required paperwork to secure the financial interests of both parties and next of kin etc

smokinaces · 05/04/2011 19:44

I have been married. I doubt I will ever marry again. However I am only 28 - so could well go on to have a relationship of 20+ years with kids and not marraige certificate. I truely dont see the point of marraige anymore - makes it bloody expensive to split up thats all.

hardhatdonned · 05/04/2011 19:44

ahh but if i were to get married i want it done properly in front of my family in a church with my dad walking me down the aisle (yes i am religious!)

Lucyinthepie · 05/04/2011 19:44

The institution of marriage means nothing to me. It's a ceremony and a bit of paper. You're either committed or you're not.

Miaowww · 05/04/2011 19:46

Because we weren't ready to stop having sex?

We bit the bullet in the end after DC2 cos we were too lazy to write wills - easier to dash down the registry office then a pub lunch to celebrate. Still kept my name though so nothing's really changed.

Spero · 05/04/2011 19:46

Agree Mills, the money excuse is a cop out. You don't have to spend £10K to get married.

I didn't get married because he didn't want to marry me. I wanted to get married.

There are loads of reasons why people say they won't, but I often wonder f it is quite rare for both in the couple to wholeheartedly agree that they genuinely don't want to get married.

Changing2011 · 05/04/2011 19:46

I havent decided who I dont like enough to invite and insist they send their kids to Guantanamo Bay so they can come and eat Iceland Mini Toad in the Holes and drink warm Blossom Hill with me for my wanky special day.

hardhatdonned · 05/04/2011 19:47

I don't think it is a cop out at all when you are committed in every other way.

LineRunner · 05/04/2011 19:47

Christ I wish I'd never got married.

So much pressure.

Ever been through a 'No fault divorce' after your husband fucks off with another woman, and you're left with two little kids? I'd rather not have had the divorce to deal with (him, pushing it) on top of everything else to be honest.

I should have stuck to my instincts and stayed unmarried.

Topoff · 05/04/2011 19:48

I think it would be wise to check everything is sorted legally if you aren't married, wills, whose name the house is in etc.

And if you split-up it is a lot different than if you are married.

SunshineOnARainyDay · 05/04/2011 19:48

DP and I have agreed that neither of us see the point in getting married. We have two lovely DC and are committed to each other. Smile

GloriaSmut · 05/04/2011 19:50

I don't much like marriage and it would add nothing at all to our already long-term, committed relationship. Nothing other than unnecessary complications, that is.

CurrySpice · 05/04/2011 19:50

Because we're still married to someone else?

K999 · 05/04/2011 19:50

Here's one good cop out.....cos Im still married to me exH!! Otherwise I would marry DP in a heartbeat... Smile

MillsAndDoom · 05/04/2011 19:51

Yorkiegirl did a thread here about it - sadly she had her posts deleted but from the other posts on the thread, you can see that there are certainly valid reasons for getting married.

Bereavement, serious illness, breakdown of a relationship are all terrible stressful things to go through, however without the legal element of marriage then they all become so much worse.

comixminx · 05/04/2011 19:51

Don't want to be married. We are committed to each other and organized: we have made wills, named each other as next of kin, had a party to celebrate, and made each other rings to wear; and now we have a baby. I simply didn't want to be married, to be a wife; DP had already been married once so he wasn't bothered about the all too imperfect institution of marriage either.

I think it's quite an important freedom in our current society, that you can be not-married.

If there was a civil partnership that you could do if you weren't gay, I might well consider that as a possibility. But I don't want to be married, with the history & tradition that is involved in that.