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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just have ONE child?

179 replies

FuturePM · 20/12/2010 20:27

Why are some women so unbelievably touchy that a woman may choose to only have one child?

They appear to get huffy as though I am wasting my womb. I am happy with one child, and I don't understand what the problem is?

AIBU to only want and have one child?

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 20/12/2010 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarExpat · 20/12/2010 20:30

YANBU. I have 1. and I don't plan to have more. He will lead a very happy life. Just as happy as his friends who may or may not have siblings :)

Imarriedafrog · 20/12/2010 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairyfairylights · 20/12/2010 20:31

Sod them, they are twats!

DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 20/12/2010 20:32

lol at wasting your womb. Once you become a mother, you will continuallybe intensely annoying people by making different parenting choices to them.

Original poster
FuturePM · 20/12/2010 20:32

I do wonder if it's something to do with jealousy..the fact they chose to have 5 children and are no struggling with their waistline, lack of career, lack of pocket change etc...but you're right it's their insecurity, I just hate being made to feel like I'm be unproductive merely because I'm happy with my husband and one child!!

Yes I've seen women respond to that;
"What no children? You mean at all?" (mock horror).

Really is tragic.

OP posts:
StarExpat · 20/12/2010 20:32

Madamedeathstare:
Some people feel that if you make a different life choice from them it is somehow a criticism of them and their lifestyle.

It must be horrible to be that insecure.

I am going to steal and use this line in RL - it will be so useful in so many situations. Thank you! Xmas Smile

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 20/12/2010 20:32

I have no idea why people seem to care about the choices other people make.

It baffles me, it truly does.

I just want to say to them "But why do you give a crap? What's it to you?"

Original poster
FuturePM · 20/12/2010 20:32

*now struggling

OP posts:
SpringHeeledJack · 20/12/2010 20:33

with one child, you will spend your life threading daisies through one another's hair and laughing tinkly laughs

...any more and it will be mostly shouting

...but don't tell anyone I said so

oh, and YANBU

Bunbaker · 20/12/2010 20:33

Jealousy from frazzled mums sick and tired of the drudgery of looking after a large family?

I don't think family size is anyone else's business unless it impacts on other people.

begonyabampot · 20/12/2010 20:34

YANBU and folk should mind their own business, on the other hand it can be good to weigh up the pros and cons - somethings you might not think about.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 20/12/2010 20:35

YANBU

What Hec said Xmas Grin

StarExpat · 20/12/2010 20:35

Hec that is a much more concise way of saying it. But I don't have it in me to say that out loud.

Imarriedafrog · 20/12/2010 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrimmaTheNome · 20/12/2010 20:36

YANBU of course.

TBH no one has ever explicitly or implicitly questioned me having one child - I'd be very Hmm if anyone did.

NW20 · 20/12/2010 20:36

To be honest, I am an only child and I absolutely hated it when I was younger, and for that reason (god willing) would never just have 1.

Obviously if you can only have 1 for financial reasons then that is sensible and I am not encouraging people should have children that they can't afford, but I think it is quite lonely as an only child, and I always felt that my parents were selfish and didn't think of how it would effect me being the only one. (They didn't have any health or financial reasons for only having me, they just didn't fancy another one.)

earwicga · 20/12/2010 20:37

YABVU says the woman with twins who had no choice Grin

Bingtata · 20/12/2010 20:37

YANBU to choose to have 1 child. However, YABU to do exactly what you are accusing others of and looking down your nose at larger families. Accusing them of being jealous just makes you look insecure actually.

huffythethreadslayer · 20/12/2010 20:37

Bollocks. Having one child can also involve lots of shouting. Ask my only, 9 year old dd :) who, admittedly, got shouted at very little when she was wee. Pre-teens will generally push your buttons though, with or without siblings.

However, your womb has not been wasted if you have the family you wanted. So you are definitely not BU.

Original poster
FuturePM · 20/12/2010 20:38

Well this is it, it's nothing to do with finance whatsoever. It's to do with the fact I'm happy with one child, and the fact I don't want more MUST be something to do with finance/career/small property etc.
I just don't want one! There isn't a reason! No traumatising labour/horrible pregnancy. I just don't want one!

OP posts:
Merlotmonster · 20/12/2010 20:38

you should see how much grief i get for having NO kids!! he he

I would never judge people on this issue...its no-one business but yours! Smile

stropicana · 20/12/2010 20:39

DH and good friend are only children, DH always wanted a sibling and 2/3 DCs. Friend wants more than one so hers isn't an only.

I'm sure other posters will be along with conflicting stories. Grin

Original poster
FuturePM · 20/12/2010 20:40

Well it wasn't so much a "judgement"...women with no children don't bat an eyelid, it's women with 4+ children (normally) that have the issue..and it wasn't a judgement as more of a genuine enquiry..why do they find it so hard to swallow? Could be because of the reasons I listed...it wasn't me saying ha ha you have a terrible figure and no money because you wanted thousands of children, it's a genuine curiousity as to why they appear to have a problem with it. Nothing personal to those who have large families, good for you, you made your choice!

OP posts:
huffythethreadslayer · 20/12/2010 20:40

NW20, thanks for your insight into one childedness. Sadly some people were never given a choice in this respect. I had 4 mcs around dd, so she has to be a one and only. Thanks for reminding me how selfish my dd will find that when she's older!!!