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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just have ONE child?

179 replies

FuturePM · 20/12/2010 20:27

Why are some women so unbelievably touchy that a woman may choose to only have one child?

They appear to get huffy as though I am wasting my womb. I am happy with one child, and I don't understand what the problem is?

AIBU to only want and have one child?

OP posts:
stropicana · 20/12/2010 20:41

Think you are being very catty about large families future.

Original poster
FuturePM · 20/12/2010 20:41

Huffy, I'm sorry to hear that :( on the plus side, she gets all your attention, no competition from siblings, and you get to ship her out at 18 to university and not have to go back to playing mother goose to 2 more!

OP posts:
NW20 · 20/12/2010 20:42

Well if there is no other reason than you just not wanting one, I think you should consider how it will effect the one child you have now, rather than just concentrating on what you want.
I am not judging you, just speaking from experience as an only child.

cardibach · 20/12/2010 20:42

NW20 why did you hate it? Can you think of anything your parents could have done to make it better?

I have an only and love it. She, however, has 3 sisters at her dad's, so she has the best of both worlds.

YANBU - have as many, or few, children as you want!

Imarriedafrog · 20/12/2010 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

begonyabampot · 20/12/2010 20:44

My first would have been more than enough for me. Having another was as much for him though as it was for us. Sometimes it can be lonely being an only child, especially when the child grows up. Saying that it can be very lonely being a sibling with bad relationships with your other siblings.

Bingtata · 20/12/2010 20:44

I have an only by choice too - she is 4.6, but I haven't encountered what you have in all that time. People have asked me if I am having another, but they don't question me when I say no. The same way I would never dream of saying - 'Another one?! Haven't you got enough already!?'

ModreB · 20/12/2010 20:44

YANBU. I have 3 DC's, and they are happy.

I was an only child, and I was also happy.

If you are content, so will your DC be.

Bunbaker · 20/12/2010 20:44

Like huffy my DD will always be an only one because I couldn't have any more. She is now 10 and always wants someone to play with. School holidays and weekends can be quite lonely for her sometimes. I feel sad for her that I could give her a sibling to play/argue with.

NW20 · 20/12/2010 20:45

Oh huffythethreadslayer get off your high horse I am quite clearly NOT talking about people who for whatever reason could not/cannot have another one. Who knows, I had an extremely difficult labour and worry that I may not be able to have another, but I am saying if you DO have the choice, to think about it in terms of the child you already have, not just you.

Blu · 20/12/2010 20:45

NW20, I'm sorry you had such a sad childhood, however, it's possible that if your parents were actully selfish, in not meeting your needs, then they would have been like that if they had had more too! Many parents of only children make a lot of effort to ensure that thie children are not lonely and miserable. IMO if you are a good parent you adjust your parenting to the family you have and the circumstances you are in to make your children feel happy, lucky, loved and secure!

classydiva · 20/12/2010 20:45

There are five years between my two because I only ever wanted one, but fell with the second and never looked back. The eldest has always looked after him and out for him. They are 22 and 17 now.

huffythethreadslayer · 20/12/2010 20:46

I was one of 6 and loathed it in some ways....loved it in others. I'd have liked 2 0r 3 ideally, but it wasn't to be.

Luckily dd is very mature and understands her mum is rubbish at having babies. She'd love a sister but I often remind her how lucky she is...no sibling rivalry, no pulls on my attention, less financial restraints.

Her friends with siblings do likewise:)

LetThereBeRock · 20/12/2010 20:46

To counter NW20's response. I'm an only child and I loved it,still do.

I never thought that my parents were selfish. I'm as content as I've always been regarding my status as an only child.

You can't know if they'll resent it or not, and I know quite a few people with siblings who dislike their siblings and have little in common with them.

You can't know if they'll like being an only child or not,but to be honest I don't think it matters greatly as the decision has to be yours in the end.

You're the one who'll be most impacted by another addition. You have to raise them.take the financial,emotional and physical impact of that decision, and the wishes and whims of a young child for a sibling, don't really matter in comparison.

RumourOfAHurricane · 20/12/2010 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

huffythethreadslayer · 20/12/2010 20:49

By the way, my high horse is rightly placed when people are bloody insensitive about my inability to have more than one child NW20.

Sad childhoods are not exclusively the domain of only children. I speak as an abused child so I know what sadness really is. And for that reason, my high horse can stay just where the bloody hell it is thank you very much.

GrimmaTheNome · 20/12/2010 20:50

If you really only want one but for some reason were persuaded into having another 'for the sake of the first', that could go seriously awry.

NW20 · 20/12/2010 20:50

I didn't have a sad childhood, I just always wanted a/some brothers and sisters.
I don't think it makes any difference how much of an effort your parents make to do whatever with you, when you are 5/6/7/8 etc, you don't want the company of an adult, you want someone else to play with your own sort of age.
This is particularly noticeable at Christmas when obviously you are less likely to see school friends etc and it would be nice to have siblings.

begonyabampot · 20/12/2010 20:50

it's thinking of the future as well not just when they are children. Might be depressing but when my mum fell ill and was dying - my brother and sister all rallied round and without each others support it would have been a hundred times worse- the thought of having to deal with my parents illnesses/deaths on my own is horrible. My poor friend had to go through the exact same with her mother at the same time but all on her own.

Bingtata · 20/12/2010 20:51

Great posts Blu and LetThereBeRock.

Bingtata · 20/12/2010 20:52

My mum has 5 sisters and had to do what your friend had to begonyabampot - all on her own.

TrillianAstra · 20/12/2010 20:53

This is not an AIBU and you know it.

NW20 · 20/12/2010 20:53

huffythethreadslayer how have I been insensitive????
I think you are being completely oversensitive and reading into something that was never written. This isn't a discussion about people who cannot have another baby it is about someone CHOOSING not to.
The OP asked for an opinion, this is my opinion.

carriedaxmaspudding · 20/12/2010 20:54

yanbu, i've been told my dd NEEDS a sibling, well imo there would be nothing worse than bring a child into the world you didn't want.

not to mention the strain on the planet.

LetThereBeRock · 20/12/2010 20:54

But at the same time,Begonya,some people leave such care entirely to one sibling,and do sod all to help them out.

I'd rather know it was all down to me because I'm an only,and not because my hypothetical siblings were too selfish to help out. That would infuriate me.