Back to the start...

[pinkclouds26]

I have been on and off alcohol for the past couple of years. It has got to a point where I drink too often and at times too much. It is not worth the anxiety, broken sleep, the money, the arguments with dp...

I have learned the hard way the moderation doesn't work for me, the longest I went off alcohol was 6 months and I actually felt amazing. The minute I decided to have a few, I was back to square one, I have had numerous false starts since then, but always found an excuse to have a drink again, a holiday, a party etc. It wasn't easy being alcohol free, but it was so worth it. It is time to start again. I really wish I wasn't back to the start but I suppose I do have a lot more knowledge behind me this time

Anyone any tips for getting through the first few days?

Day 23 here too! I woke up this morning and didn’t head straight for the coffee so think there is a bit more energy in me!

1 month!

I went back to work yesterday, so this week will be a challenge... Especially Friday!

But I'm hoping with a month under my belt it will motivate me to resit!

well done on your month! and also day 23, day 24 here, had a bit of a health anxiety wobble, but if anything it has encore me to keep going. Goodluck with work, I actually find myself coping better in general and less anxious in work, so hopefully you will too.

Finally joining a thread. I am on day 12. I don't drink a lot more than I do drink, but when I do, I really binge. Never at home, always in the pub.

But, it is not healthy, I prefer to drink alone and have a real proper binge-I associate it with 'freedom', 'time off' 'processing time' etc etc, but after previously having several years no drink, and several periods of weeks and months consciously not drinking over last 3 years, I definitely know that my mental health is badly affected for a couple of weeks after every binge. Just feelings of general anxiety, low mood and shame.
As someone has said, I can stop drinking pretty easily-but I can't stay stopped.

I need to admit and accept that it doesn't serve me in any way, it has become a very poor coping mechanism and it is time to let it go at last.

@painttheworld welcome to the thread. I, like you, have stopped a numerous times, but in my case moderation doesn't work. I think when I started this time my mindset was different, I know I can't go back to drinking, there is no such thing as a few social drinks and back to abstaining for me. I think a weight has actually lifted since I have admitted that to myself.

Best of luck in your journey, I have found this thread very helpful and supportive so far ❤️

Hi @painttheworldwell done on Day 12. I’ve reached double digits today, Day 10! I have definitely been much more productive than usual the past 10 days, trying to spend some of the time I have gained slowly decluttering, just taking it a drawer or two at a time so as not to get overwhelmed.

I’m eating my body weight in chocolate and biscuits but I guess I’ll try and address that another time! I found a box of chocolates that were out of date when I was decluttering the kitchen and decided I couldn’t leave them there in case someone offered them to a guest, then all of a sudden the box was empty and I had polished them all off myself 🙈

I am with you with the eating! I am currently sat in bed with the cat and the sweat is pouring out of me after eating so many biscuits 🤢sorry for the image lol

I cannot remember the last time I ate so much I felt physically sick... makes a change from the wine!

I am letting myself get to a month and have all the treats and I plan on watching things more then. I have gained 5 pounds!

ive been there with the eating. In fact, it’s the one reason I’ve never taken drugs. Over the years I’ve binged on alcohol, food (regularly) shopping, social media. Why don’t I have an off button that other people seem to have?!

You’re not the only one - I could have written your list!

oh same with the shopping too, the last time I stopped drinking the amount of clothes I bought was crazy!

Day 26 here, have to go to the Dr soon, I am a bit nervous, besides that I feel like the novelty might be wearing off a bit. I am still committed, but I feel I have to start putting in a bit more work, maybe reading more books about sobriety or podcasts.

I know I do not want to drink, I know I can't drink, but I have been feeling sorry for myself a bit the past few days.

The GP went better than I thought, she has referred me for scans, I imagine there will be a long wait, but she has done bloods in the meantime. She said she will let me know the results as soon as she can as I told her how anxious I was. But like a few of yiu said, whether they are good or bad, it won't tell the full picture, it might just be an indication of whats going on.

We discussed next steps and I said I didn't really want to go down the road of therapy/counselling YET. I think I need to get more time behind me and a bit stronger before I open any cans of worms. She did ask me to make another appointment if I do relapse, to see if there may be other options, she didn't really go into them though. I forgot to ask about the night wakings.

Sorry for all the posts, just in case anyone else was worried.

That sounds like a really supportive GP. Can you plan on a few nice things to treat yourself with if you are a bit down? A new tv show? massage? Dog walk?

I am off work tomorrow so I have text a friend to see if she wants to meet for lunch, I might try to rope the dc and dp into doing something at the weekend to cheer me up, I spent a lot of time in the waiting room scrolling sober posts on tiktok and it has actually given me a it of a boost again. Thank you xx

Hope everyone else here is doing good? xx

Just catching up with the thread and hope everyone is doing well. @pinkclouds26hope you don’t feel too anxious waiting for your tests etc, what scans are you being referred for?

I’ve taken on a few evening shifts a month doing a new role, similar to my own job but quite different too and I’ve got here a bit early for my first shift so am sitting in my car at the moment. Feeling totally nervous about it and a bit out of my depth if I’m honest, but I will see how I get on tonight, not much else I can do!

Also feeling nervous about the weekend, last weekend was easy as I wasn’t feeling great so just had a few early nights. Need to try and distract myself somehow this weekend, I’ve been working on slowly decluttering the house so will see if I can make some more progress with that.

@confusedlots how did your shifts go.

I find Friday nights so hard - I totally have been using alcohol as a wind down method without realised. I have to really focus to not drink it’s such an automatic habit. The good news is I got all my ironing out of the way!!

@WhitegreeNcandlei found last night hard too, DH was out and my old self would have stopped on the way home from work and picked up 2 bottles of wine, and I did have a little wobble on the way home in the car, but I drove straight home, had dinner with the kids and we watched a movie and I feel great this morning.

When the kids went to bed I watched a programme about 9/11. Brought back awful memories of where I was that day, the horror that unfolded as that day went on, the harrowing images I saw that day as a 21 year old, and the personal stories we all heard in subsequent days that will live with us all forever. I guess it puts everything into perspective.

My shift the other night went much better than expected! I still have lots to learn but I loved the challenge of it and I came home buzzing! And isn’t it so much better to spend an evening doing something new, meeting new people, challenging yourself and earning a bit of extra cash, instead of falling asleep on the sofa with a glass of wine and feeling rotten the next day!

I hope everyone is doing ok and keep strong for the weekend, I know how hard it can be. I’m starting to develop some little tools for help me for those tougher times and it’s helping so far. Can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks for me now!

Keep on keeping on everyone. Day 16 here and so far so good, not really been tempted but had some pangs when passing 'pretty' pubs. But I must remember that pubs are not my treat/rest/respite etc, for me they become a sink hole and just set me backwards.