Is finishing inside someone without asking normal if no condom was used?

[Sendingpositivehubsprayers]

Date a week ago came inside me without asking. Is this just normal since we weren’t using protection so ‘anything goes’ type thing.

Before anyone has a go at me, it’s my first time doing this (unprotected sex with someone new). Date went well, we booked a last minute hotel after it and he did actually say ‘by the way, I don’t have any condoms’. I shrugged and then he completely dropped the subject of contraception. Didn’t ask me if I was on the pill etc

Had great sex and he finished twice over the evening/morning. Both times inside me.

The first time he didn’t actually say he was about to. The second time it looked like he was about to and I said ‘tell me when you are’ and he told me as he was doing it. Too much info but the second time around was asked from a sensual erm point of view. Not so I could get off him in time

Given that any unprotected sex can cause STI, and pregnancy, why if so would he need to ask or tell me he’s going to finish inside me?

Or is it just a case of you already agreed to the no condom thing?

Really like him. He’s on holiday for two weeks now but seeing each other when back etc

So feel a bit confused as I’ve read something on another thread on a different website that spoke about something similar and views seem to be it’s not okay

@Sendingpositivehubsprayers some STDs are permanent. You need to get some self-respect and don’t let ‘dates’ have unprotected sex with you.

It's a conversation that 2 consenting grown ups should have that conversation before it gets to that stage. Otherwise it's perfectly reasonable for him to assume he would finish inside of you. But ultimately it's your body. It's your responsibility to make sure you don't get pregnant or catch an STI. Leaving it to some bloke you barely know isn't going to work. They don't fucking care do they.

Completely agree with this. It was foolhardy of him to go on a date without condoms if he expected/wanted sex to be on the table anyway. He’ll be getting chased for child support before long with this dating approach, and his assumptions, whether people agree with them or not, will mean nothing then. Both women AND men are responsible for their own contraception and sexual health. Being on the pill is not default.

Why would you have unprotected sex with someone you are not in a committed relationship with? Twice?! Honestly words fail me!

Withdrawing before he comes isnt going to protect from pregnancy or STI. I suppose it might lessen your chances but it shouldnt to be relied upon.

I’d assume thst sex would mean he would come internally unless you told him to do otherwise. As for him assuming you were on contraception, it’s a stupid assumption it’s equally feasible that you are slso someone with a matching lackadaisical approach to contraception. Which is why conversations are necessary before you find yourself astride a man in a hotel room.

Male here.

If a woman consents to sex then I'd assume, absent a clear instruction not to, that ejaculating in her vagina was the normal consequence of the sexual act.

Pulling out and cumming on her abdomen or wherever is, to my mind, a porn film thing.

Maybe I'm out of touch - been in a relationship with the same woman since 1983 and not been with anyone else in all of that time.

Sounds like you both consented to unprotected sex so surely you shouldn't be surprised if a guy finished inside you ?

Before anyone has a go at me, it’s my first time doing this (unprotected sex with someone new).

That's fine then - you don't become pregnant or contract STDs if it's your first time having sex with someone without protection.

Op what will you do if you get pregnant? Do you want a baby?

To answer the immediate question if you're having sex without a condom him finishing inside you is a given. It's sex, why wouldn't he.

As an aside I'm not who's the more stupid, you or him. You say "unprotected " sex which made me wince. Your contraception is your responsibility, you're the one who'd be carrying the baby, but he should have also checked that you were too. You should have had that conversation before you even set foot in the bedroom..

this. My first though was "Are you both crazy" I mean the bloke can't get pregnant obvs but you can give him infections.

Why would you not ask!?!!

I hope for your sake you havent got HIV now or any other STI. You can get pregnant at any point during unprotected sex not just the climax. Sperm can leak out before the end.
I suggest you get the morning after pill right away and get to an STI clinic.

Would also like to point out, since there clearly is a gap in OP’s sex education, some STIs can be transmitted even when a condom IS used for penetrative sex. Gross.

Uh I wouldn’t expect anyone to pull out unless had been told to. You shrugged your shoulders so if I was the guy I’d take that as ‘not an issue’. Pulling out is not default contraception (and it’s pretty unreliable).

Both parties are idiots for not discussing properly.

He's an idiot if he thinks her shrug means crack on and she'll deal with an unplanned pregnancy if it happens.

She's an idiot if she thinks she can have unprotected sex and not risk unplanned pregnancy she's not prepared to deal with on her own.

Both are idiots for risking STIs.

We all think of HIV as the worst STD you can get, and while it is a horrendous disease it can now be managed to such a degree that the effect of it on your future life and sexual partners is almost minimal and many people with managed HIV have normal life expectancy. Can’t say the same thing for the increasingly virulent and drug resistant strains of other STDs or the increase in syphillis, which can remain undiagnosed for many years before appearing with awful consequences.

And then there are crabs. Which don’t really care about condoms of course but are around and happy to be shared.

If I am having sex with someone, I'm assuming he is finishing inside. If I expect him to pull out, I would have to verbalise it. So no, I would not expect him to ask about finishing inside cause that would be the expectation unless otherwise stated.

You'd assume? Why would you not check and be sure?

That's so stupid. You'd assume she was on contraception and not consider that she might be reckless about you getting her pregnant? Is that because you wouldn't give a shit if you did get her pregnant because it wouldn't be your problem?

If you’d not said the hotel bit I’d ask if you were teenagers….. as in pre 14/15

It’s because we live in a culture that teaches men they don’t have to and that their assumption alone is enough to make them the victim if it turns out not to be accurate. Both people are mad as shithouse rats in this scenario, obviously, but men who don’t use condoms should assume they’re having unprotected sex unless they have explicit confirmation otherwise. Even then, an intelligent man will still use a condom with a woman he’s just met. As a feminist I am under no delusion that women are incapable of lying.

The fact my DM would have said this 60 years ago rather kicks against any suggestion things have in anyway changed. Let alone improved.

I’ve I’d agreed to sex without a condom I wouldn’t expect the person to check if they could finish inside me.

you KNOW this is really risky behaviour OP? You should get yourself checked out for HIV and other STIs, as well as considering pregnant risks.

So are you on some form of contraception?