Is finishing inside someone without asking normal if no condom was used?

[Sendingpositivehubsprayers]

Date a week ago came inside me without asking. Is this just normal since we weren’t using protection so ‘anything goes’ type thing.

Before anyone has a go at me, it’s my first time doing this (unprotected sex with someone new). Date went well, we booked a last minute hotel after it and he did actually say ‘by the way, I don’t have any condoms’. I shrugged and then he completely dropped the subject of contraception. Didn’t ask me if I was on the pill etc

Had great sex and he finished twice over the evening/morning. Both times inside me.

The first time he didn’t actually say he was about to. The second time it looked like he was about to and I said ‘tell me when you are’ and he told me as he was doing it. Too much info but the second time around was asked from a sensual erm point of view. Not so I could get off him in time

Given that any unprotected sex can cause STI, and pregnancy, why if so would he need to ask or tell me he’s going to finish inside me?

Or is it just a case of you already agreed to the no condom thing?

Really like him. He’s on holiday for two weeks now but seeing each other when back etc

So feel a bit confused as I’ve read something on another thread on a different website that spoke about something similar and views seem to be it’s not okay

He probably is unaware of this yet. As adults you need to discuss this beforehand.

Plot twist your both twats.
Growup.

Honestly, if I was ok with the risk of unprotected sex and didn't say 'don't come inside me' then I am taking full responsibility for the events that occured. Both of you were equally irresponsible and immature for not discussing it prior but he's not somehow more responsible than you because he's the man.

To be honest, as a bloke, I'd have assumed you saying it's OK not to use condoms = safe to finish inside as you're on contraception. I'd probably be quite miffed if I found out afterwards that you weren't on some form of contraception.

Of course, I wouldn't be in that situation in the first place because condoms were always a non negotiable with a new partner. You're both bloody idiots in my view.

(And even then, contraception isn't foolproof. DD turned up despite both condoms and the pill. Nothings 100% effective aside from not having sex)

Well you had the opportunity to tell him that without a condom you were unprotected from both STIs and pregnancy, and you didn't.

So on that basis, I'd say he thought he was in the clear. and I'd say your silence and your shrug was enough of a misleading signal to indicate that. He should have insisted on knowing your BC situation before going ahead with sex, not that that would have stopped you lying about, or stopped a genuine, legitimate failure of female BC happening (which is hardly ever, by the way) but at least he'd have asked the question.

You were pretty stupid to expect him to pull out without telling him first that he needed to. And even if you had told him, you were still pretty stupid to trust that he'd pull out effectively and in time, even if he'd said he would.

So that makes two of you who've been pretty stupid, doesn't it? Did you take the morning after pill or are you one of those who secretly hopes to get 'accidentally' pregnant even if it's by some randomer?

The first time he didn’t actually say he was about to. The second time it looked like he was about to and I said ‘tell me when you are’ and he told me as he was doing it. Too much info but the second time around was asked from a sensual erm point of view. Not so I could get off him in time

You seem to be focusing on withdrawal as a means of contraception.

a) It doesn't work
b) He doesn't have to ejaculate to transmit an STI. That can happen with seconds of skin to skin contact even prior to penetration.

Are you unclear on this?

Well I’m judging! Get to the clinic before you start oozing. This is crazy.

Why the hell are you not before the deed sorting out protection...why are so many having unprotected sex?
Get some self respect and get protected.
Hiv, sti infection is not a lifestyle choice anyone wants or needs.
Hiv positive is a shame that I live with daily.

No, it's still 100% his responsibility to know where his sperm is going and his responsibility to check rather than assuming. All you can do is take responsibility for your own decisions, not his.

You both agreed to having sex, you both knew there was no condom so you both agreed to risk STIs. You knew there was no contraception so you agreed to risk pregnancy. Whether he assumed you’re on the pill or not was wrong if he didn’t want to risk getting you pregnant he should have asked if you were on it. You could equally of said I’m not on the pill. You both took the risks and both agreed to it.
I wouldn’t do that in your situation but that’s my choice to make same as it’s your choice to make your decision

You sound very naive. Why are you not using birth control? Do you actually believe the pullout method works? What about the pre-cum? The STI's? OP, unless you want to end up a single mum...buy your own condoms and say no, next time.

You shrugged and didn't have a mature conversation with this person, which says a lot regarding the lack of maturity.

I'd probably be quite miffed if I found out afterwards that you weren't on some form of contraception.

Well you'd have no right to be.

You're a grown man and a pregnancy could be potentially lifechanging.

You need to ask this question, not ignore it and become butt hurt afterwards.

Would it have been different if he had pulled out? It’s not a form of contraception though, even if he pulled out

I have the feeling the OP thinks STIs only occur with ejaculation or penetration.

Some sex education wouldn't go amiss.

You should have told him you weren’t on contraception.

Yes he has a responsibility to himself to use condoms but I doubt he would have had sex with you if he knew there was no contraception in place at all.

@EmpressStormYou don’t know what it means to shrug? It’s a gesture to mean your raise and Lower your shoulders fo show you don’t care.

I think Mosaic means... what does a shrug convey, not literally what IS a shrug.

To me, a shrug would be perceived as "meh, whatever" "so what" "I don't care"... it's not an enthusiastic "No way, no sex til we have condoms", is it.

I feel like the Male in this scenario tried to be more responsible, indicated his lack of preparation, OP SHRUGGED like she didn't care either way about catching kids or diseases...the Male was then swayed. Both careless. And this is why there's so many diseases about, because people are blase about where they put their bodyparts!

Yes, I'd expect you to have made that clear. Ejaculation isn't necessary for pregnancy to occur with unprotected sex. He must have assumed you were on the pill. Get the morning after pill?

Keep condoms in your bag.SORTED.

Finishing inside is the default I would say unless the participants have agreed otherwise. (Withdrawal is not suitable for contraception etc but sometimes the woman doesn't want the soggy feeling after or if one or both like to see the climax ... tmi, sorry. )

He raised condoms, you shrugged which indicated you were ok for contraception and not fussy about STI risks. So he proceeded by default.

If you were uncomfortable about that prospect, you should have responded accordingly when he raised the condom issue instead of shrugging.

Why so passive?

If you e decided on no condom then I think it’s assumed you’re both accepting the risks so him cumming inside me I think would be assumed

Its possible to get pregnant with withdrawal anyway

No condom means no protection from STId

No one mislead anyone here. You both know what unprotected sex can lead to and consented. Ejaculation is a reasonably foreseeable consequence of penetrative sex so if you had any preferences about that other than it just happening you should have said. If he cared about your contraceptive position he should have asked.

This is different than him saying he was wearing a condom and not, saying he would pull out and not and you lying about being contraception - all of which would be wrong.

Not sure what you are asking tbh. You took no responsibility in this situation. You didn't seem that bothered about not using condoms, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to finish inside you. Yes he didn't ask if you are on the pill but why were you quiet about it? If you are not bothered about your own sexual health, why should someone else be?

Withdrawal isn't contraception.

It speaks volumes this still needs repeating in 2026.

Ewwww too much info on chat. Put it on sex and relationships board.

When you told him that you didn't have any condoms, and then proceeded anyway he probably took that to mean that you don't care about the risk of STIs or pregnancy, he assumed that you were on the pill or will sort yourself out with the morning after pill and antibiotics if you wanted to later. He didn't care either way and showed zero respect for your health and wellbeing.

I think you should take yourself along to the GUM clinic for STI screening and advice about keeping yourself safe in the future.