Is finishing inside someone without asking normal if no condom was used?

[Sendingpositivehubsprayers]

Date a week ago came inside me without asking. Is this just normal since we weren’t using protection so ‘anything goes’ type thing.

Before anyone has a go at me, it’s my first time doing this (unprotected sex with someone new). Date went well, we booked a last minute hotel after it and he did actually say ‘by the way, I don’t have any condoms’. I shrugged and then he completely dropped the subject of contraception. Didn’t ask me if I was on the pill etc

Had great sex and he finished twice over the evening/morning. Both times inside me.

The first time he didn’t actually say he was about to. The second time it looked like he was about to and I said ‘tell me when you are’ and he told me as he was doing it. Too much info but the second time around was asked from a sensual erm point of view. Not so I could get off him in time

Given that any unprotected sex can cause STI, and pregnancy, why if so would he need to ask or tell me he’s going to finish inside me?

Or is it just a case of you already agreed to the no condom thing?

Really like him. He’s on holiday for two weeks now but seeing each other when back etc

So feel a bit confused as I’ve read something on another thread on a different website that spoke about something similar and views seem to be it’s not okay

No judgement and I am glad the sex was good. No I do not think I would expect him to ask if he can come inside you. MAP and a health check and you move on with what sounds like a good experience. I would get some condoms so you have them available for this kind of situation going forward.

If I was having unprotected sex with someone I’d assume finishing inside me is part of the deal unless I had stated otherwise beforehand.

In terms of the potential pregnancy, I would never put myself in that position. If you’re having unprotected sex without being on birth control then to me that is exactly the same as trying to conceive. And if I was trying to conceive I would definitely let the man know in advance so he can decide whether or not he wants to continue.

Yes assuming you are of child bearing age, saying it’s ok not to use condoms implies you are on contraception even if not explicitly stated. Get the MAP!

It would be a fair assumption IMO. Have you since told him you are not on contraception? As he brought up condoms, I wonder if he would be pissed off to find out you arent.

That said assumption is not clear defence, he should/could have also asked, but you should have made it clear at the point he said he had no condoms in my view.

Get an std check and dont have unprotected sex with new guys. Yes hes assumed you were on contraception or didnt care but its such a stupid thing to do!

If you agree to no condom you’re accepting of this IMO. I hope he’s had STI checks and you’re on good contraception!

I don’t think anyone tricked anyone here. He said he didn’t have a condom so him finishing inside you was a given unless you said otherwise. He also didn’t check if you were in the pill so can’t assume this anymore then you could assume he would pull out. However, none of this was a good plan unless you had already both discussed getting tested and both know you would be ok if there was a whoopsie pregnancy. Personally, get tested to be on the safe side and bring condoms to the next meet up

Once the conversation about a lack of condoms has ended with 'let's have sex anyway', then I would assume the man would come inside me unless a specific other conversation was had saying don't.

Btw I was a stupid teenager and had lots of unprotected sex with people and ended up with Chlamydia and HPV leading to pre cancerous cells so getting pregnant isn’t the only issue as the others are just as likely!

He doesn’t need to come inside you to cause pregnancy or sti. You have taken a massive risk.

I don’t think you’re mature enough to have sex if you can’t even have a conversation about condom usage, potential pregnancy, STDs. He shouldn’t have assumed that you were on the pill and didn’t have STDs and you shouldn’t have assumed he’d pull out.

He should have asked you if he was bothered so I wouldn't worry about that.

But honestly, you two really need some basic sex education centred around important conversations.

Do you mind me asking how old you both are?

I would assume that the no condoms conversation covered that. I think it would be on you to specify that you wanted him to pull out during that conversation.

It’s 2026. Why are you having unprotected sex with someone you don’t really know and are not able to have clear adult communication around sex with? Are you vulnerable? Do you have support from friends? I’d be getting the morning after pill and STI tests immediately. And not having sex again until contraception and screening has been discussed.

I don’t think he did anything wrong but would use a condom in future. Who is he on holiday with?

Okay so plot twist, have I mislead HIM into thinking I’m on contraception?

Misled? No. But I’m sure he’ll have assumed you’re on the pill or something - that’s probably what the “I don’t have any condoms” comment was trying to elicit. And if he assumed that, he wouldn’t have thought that the finishing was as issue (and hence didn’t mention it!). This all sounds very risky, from all sorts of angles - I really would advise you to sort out some reliable contraception before you get in a pickle.

People - please don't have unprotected sex

https://rapidstdtesting.com/what-stds-permanent/

OP in answer to your question - both of you were misguided in not using a condom and then not clarifying how it would go. Hopefully a visit to the clinic will show you there's no disease. But don't do it again if you want to be healthy!

Also, if you two were able to book a last minute hotel, you were able to pop into a supermarket/chemist/corner shop for condoms.

You have asked ‘is finishing inside someone without asking normal if no condom was used’

but you were essentially asked, but you didn’t respond! there was nothing normal about your interaction beforehand, so normal rules don’t apply.

he said he had no condoms and you shrugged, which is a really weird response saying you don’t care about getting STDs and you either don’t care about getting pregnant or you’ve sorted your own.

a normal response…

’I don’t have any condoms’

should have the response of either…

a) don’t worry about it, I’m on the pill and happy to take the risk of STDs
(which I don’t imagine many are) or

b) oh bummer, I don’t have any either, maybe another time then.

I would think it was very clear. He told you he had no condoms. You were happy to go ahead. I really don't know what there is to not understand.

I think the shrug was perceived as “it doesn’t matter “. Not surprising.

Hmm not judging but you both could have done better here. You could have stated your expectation(s) and he just assumed he was good to go but should have asked the question about contraception (as I believe it is the responsibility of both parties).

Yes, you (or your partner because I suspect this is a reverse) has misled the other. Either that or it's saying "ill deal with it" e.g. morning after pill, abortion etc. it's also the man saying he's ok with the risk of pregnancy and whatever outcome that may result from that.

It's a shitshow all round to be honest.

You can catch an STI from someone without them coming inside of you.

I think in your case you're not saying you didn't actually want him to. So there was implied consent? And second time as you say was in an erotic way so obviously could be construed that it turned you on he was doing it. At the time you could say 'put it here/do it there' and if he would do as you say then I reckon that seems pretty reasonable. Though a sensible bloke would be more cautious and maybe not take the chance?

Communication is key.
Lack of communication does make people assume things. Like he'd probably assume you were on contraception. So just talk more about it.

And I'm no prude - big fan of the one night stand and really not a fan of condoms! But communication is essential.