Is finishing inside someone without asking normal if no condom was used?

[Sendingpositivehubsprayers]

Date a week ago came inside me without asking. Is this just normal since we weren’t using protection so ‘anything goes’ type thing.

Before anyone has a go at me, it’s my first time doing this (unprotected sex with someone new). Date went well, we booked a last minute hotel after it and he did actually say ‘by the way, I don’t have any condoms’. I shrugged and then he completely dropped the subject of contraception. Didn’t ask me if I was on the pill etc

Had great sex and he finished twice over the evening/morning. Both times inside me.

The first time he didn’t actually say he was about to. The second time it looked like he was about to and I said ‘tell me when you are’ and he told me as he was doing it. Too much info but the second time around was asked from a sensual erm point of view. Not so I could get off him in time

Given that any unprotected sex can cause STI, and pregnancy, why if so would he need to ask or tell me he’s going to finish inside me?

Or is it just a case of you already agreed to the no condom thing?

Really like him. He’s on holiday for two weeks now but seeing each other when back etc

So feel a bit confused as I’ve read something on another thread on a different website that spoke about something similar and views seem to be it’s not okay

He sounds as casual as you are about STI's and pregnancy.
I don't think you have mislead him.

I don't find it shocking, I just find it a bit odd (unless the conversation is part of some sexy talk role play, then actually come to think of it, it could be quite fun 😉).

I don’t believe this thread is real. I cannot imagine a woman posting this. With the ridiculous “plot twist” nonsense. Any woman knows this is NOT a plot twist. This has to be a man somehow enjoying the idea of being a woman playing around. If you are a woman, grow up. And if you’re a man, grow up.

Honestly what am I reading?

Him “I don’t have any condoms.”
You “It’s ok, I’m on the pill / I’m not on any contraception, are you happy to pull out & take a risk or shall we go to shop / machine in loo?”

Why shrug and then come and ask a room of strangers what you should be saying to a man you’re sleeping with?!

Him “I don’t have any condoms.”
You “It’s ok, I’m on the pill / I’m not on any contraception, are you happy to pull out & take a risk or shall we go to shop / machine in loo?”

It's 2026. Surely you have Deliveroo Condoms ? Uber johnnies ? Doordash rubbers ?

If not, someone is missing a massive sales opportunity.

Some stats for the nerds!

www.wchc.nhs.uk/services/lets-talk/young-people/relationships-and-sex-education-rse/sexual-health/

"The only way to know for sure if you have an STI is to get tested regularly. We would recommend getting tested with every new sexual partner, or at least once a year even if you are in a long term, monogamous relationship. "

For more information on STI rates in England, try: www.gov.uk/government/statistics/sexually-transmitted-infections-stis-annual-data-tables

TL;DR "Approximately 402,000 new sexually transmitted infections (STIs) were diagnosed in England in the most recent reporting year" (AI)

Thanks!

This

I can understand being wary when single/meeting a new partner but who on earth is routinely having an annual std check when they're in a monogamous relationship?

You must think he is father material... 🙄🙄🙄

Relying on someone to be able to pull out at the point of climax is so foolhardy it is pointless. There is no standard etiquette here where he needs to ask to climax. You consented to sex and did not tell him that the session needed to stop prematurely.

Have some agency and own your decisions.

There's nowt so odd as other people's sexual preferences 🤷🏼‍♀️

Excellent question. We certainly didn't, but we trusted each other.

Sadly, there's a lot of Mumsnet threads about straying partners and there's generally a useful reality check when someone reminds the OP to make sure they get an STI test.

Saw the followup. A man who doesn’t know you that well should not take your word that you are on contraception. Even if you say you are protected, he should not rely on that and should make sure he has protection of his own.

Agree. I think if you've agreed to unprotected sex then that's just part of it. I wouldn't expect a conversation about it, I think it just goes without saying unless you've said otherwise at the point of the initial decision. Pulling out doesn't reliably prevent pregnancy/sti transmission anyway!

I think it's really interesting and may be a generation thing. When I had sex with a new person, we always used condoms, but it was also presumed they would come inside (the condom). The idea of withdrawing is very much a porn led idea (because it looks better on camera) than about contraception.

Withdrawal method is only 60% effective so I wouldn't risk it.

The other thing is "telling you". Again this can be construed in different ways. My DH doesnt tell me and to begin with this confused me - not "omg I'm going to" or "sorry I'm going to". I had to guess if he had come! Now I know him better but it still seemed odd to me!

I think you need to have conversations with dates regarding contraception and ejaculation. And please please please use contraception - ideally condoms and one other, just because raising a child is hard work in a couple, let alone with someone you dont know well.

I read the title as fishing and got very confused 😂😂

Well, have you? Are you protected?

You haven't raised it as an issue so he's assuming you aren't fussed.