Cleaner shamed us for house - not sure how to feel

[tokajlover]

We have had a cleaner for coming up to 4 years now and she’s brilliant, no complains from us whatsoever.

The reason we have a cleaner is because, like most people who do, we find it makes life much easier with a young child, and both my DH and I working a substantial distance from home, about an hour to an hour and a half’s commute a few times a week plus starting this year, school drop offs and pick ups etc. Our lives are chaotic but nothing out of the ordinary for young-ish professionals with a young child, except maybe the substantial commutes. Having a cleaner is definitely a God send!

Apparently, however, today she pulled my husband aside as he was WFH and told him that we need to do better, because she needs to do a “hard factory reset” every time she comes over.

Our house was definitely messy today after a weekend where we hosted and were away on the Saturday! But we don’t leave disgusting messes, food, we don’t have bugs etc (feel ashamed to even have to say this!), we aren’t hoarders, and our house is just a normally messier than we’d like it to be but not disgusting by any means 3 bed. The best way to put this would be, I guess, if announced guests had popped up today I would not have thought it the best time and would have said “sorry for the mess” but I wouldn’t have been excessively worried or scrambling about to get the place ready, as I wouldn’t have thought there was anything particularly bad about it just not “visitor-ready” and messy.

I feel so embarrassed now though and mum guilt has kicked in - I keep thinking that there’s plenty of full time working parents who don’t have a cleaner so what am I doing wrong.

She only does 2 hours a week but she did start out doing 3, with the idea initially being that she would do the general clean in 2 hours and do one deep-cleaning thing each time, she is the one who asked for fewer hours. We pay above the average rate which is not me congratulating ourselves by any means and we never minded as she does do an excellent job, just to clarify we are not under-paying her or anything like that!

I guess I just feel a bit ashamed and don’t know if she had a point or was this weird? Presumably people have cleaners to clean and sometimes the house is not in top shape when your cleaner arrives, but I thought that was normal? As I said we never leave messes for her to deal with later on purpose or any disgusting things, but part of me can’t help but feel extremely ashamed and bad!

Pulled up about her attitude 😂 she’s self employed most likely. She can do as she damn well pleases and OP can take it or give her money (all 2 hours a week worth for what would appear by OP’s own admission to be quite a task) to someone else that cleans for a living. Of course cleaners should be sooooooo grateful because they’re right down at the bottom of the food chain on Mumsnet right? Let’s hope that cleaner is as reliable, assumedly trustworthy as they’re been hiring her for a while, actually has space and wants to work really hard tidying before she does her actual job for let’s face it not a lot of money.

OP has confirmed that she has not yet spoke to the cleaner so we only have the word of the husband as to what she actually said, 2nd hand information from the sex that are so often considered the best listeners so to speak.

I’ve typed all that and then realised you’re being facetious aren’t you? Haha I like you if you are.

I think listen to her. You actually want someone to ‘reset’ your house AND clean. Two very different things.

The issue with the 2 hours vs the 3 hours as well is a bit of a red herring and people can’t seem to use their inference skills at all. Maybe the middle classes don’t need them? She was being really kind by saying she would only need 2 hours to clean based on how they were leaving the house back then. She was saving them money basically. She’s probably then took on another client off the back of that availability or maybe she has a life beyond cleaning? If that 2 hour house booking then steadily becomes messier and messier or if it’s a tip even once then you can’t just decide you’re staying an extra hour that one day because that’s not fair on your next client. Some of the people on here are on another planet! They want a bloody maid who leaves their calendar wide open incase they’ve had guests and need a longer visit and someone who never utters a word despite knowing them and proving their reliability for years! I’m not suggesting the OP wants that actually but some of the comments are beyond grotesque.

True - I think she only has space for two hours but it can’t actually be done in that time! and op would be better off with someone who can do the 3 hours…

Partly why I stopped having a cleaner was that the ‘night before the cleaner tidy up’ was so stressful it just wasn’t worth it. For us, the cleaning is the easy part, the tidying up bit is actually what we need!

Same.

I tidy before our cleaner comes (takes about 20 minutes) so she can clean unimpeded.

Why don't you just keep everything tidy all the time?

But it’s not necessary. We’ve never pre-tidied for any cleaner.

A cleaner is there to clean not to “factory reset”, tidy up mess or pick up after people unless it’s very clear from the start that tidying is part of requirements and time is allowed for it

Would you pay her 3 hours with an hour of tidying (if necessary) before cleaning and a mini deep clean of something if the tidying doesn't take up that much time?

Bloody hell! It's not Downton Abbey and the cleaner isn't below-stairs staff. I agree cleaners shouldn't insult people's homes, but 'pulled up about it' and 'spoken to with a firm tone of voice'?? If you have a cleaner yourself I hope you don't speak to them like that...

Alright judgy mcjudgerson 😂

Well your cleaner should have spoken to you properly about it and not made a throw away comment.

A good cleaner who is reliable and stuck with you for 4 years is worth hanging onto, so try consider her comments "lost in translation" through your husband and start a conversation with her from scratch as though what she said never happened.

Open the opportunity to her for a conversation and I'm sure it will be just fine. You sound very reasonable and not taking advantage of her so try not to worry too much!

The cleaners job is to clean, not spend the first hour tidying up the mess.

Yes, this is weird, but remember: YOU are the client. You have no reason to feel ashamed.

We have a 4 bed semi, 3 bathrooms. Our cleaner comes for 4.5 hrs. Pay 20 pph The house is always very tidy for when she comes so she can clean everywhere.

If she’s a great cleaner, I would have a chat with her, it’s not always easy to find reliable good cleaners.

I have never understood this argument. Genuinely. It takes me one hour to do one hour of tidying and one hour to do one hour of cleaning. So if I'm saving an hour of cleaning by paying a cleaner, why can't I also save an hour of tidying by getting my cleaner to tidy?

😂

I think she’s expecting her to tidy.

Can you clarify what she actually has to deal with? Is it unmade beds, washing up, putting toys away before she can start cleaning? Or does she have a tidy house to work with? I have a 3 bedroom house and can clean it in 2 hours easily but would struggle to tidy and clean in 2 hours after a weekend at home with the kids!

If that was the case then they’d call themselves cleaners AND tidiers. Cleaners clean, they’re not they’re to pick up after you.

If you’ve made that agreement and are paying for a tidy and clean then great, but cleaners are called cleaners because they tend to just clean.

Oh well, all good things must come to an end. Time to find a new cleaner.

Exactly the same here; I never really know why cleaners are pushed as the solution to all your stress and problems. And they never clean properly!

Unless your house is tiny and immaculately tidy two hours is not enough.