Cleaner shamed us for house - not sure how to feel

[tokajlover]

We have had a cleaner for coming up to 4 years now and she’s brilliant, no complains from us whatsoever.

The reason we have a cleaner is because, like most people who do, we find it makes life much easier with a young child, and both my DH and I working a substantial distance from home, about an hour to an hour and a half’s commute a few times a week plus starting this year, school drop offs and pick ups etc. Our lives are chaotic but nothing out of the ordinary for young-ish professionals with a young child, except maybe the substantial commutes. Having a cleaner is definitely a God send!

Apparently, however, today she pulled my husband aside as he was WFH and told him that we need to do better, because she needs to do a “hard factory reset” every time she comes over.

Our house was definitely messy today after a weekend where we hosted and were away on the Saturday! But we don’t leave disgusting messes, food, we don’t have bugs etc (feel ashamed to even have to say this!), we aren’t hoarders, and our house is just a normally messier than we’d like it to be but not disgusting by any means 3 bed. The best way to put this would be, I guess, if announced guests had popped up today I would not have thought it the best time and would have said “sorry for the mess” but I wouldn’t have been excessively worried or scrambling about to get the place ready, as I wouldn’t have thought there was anything particularly bad about it just not “visitor-ready” and messy.

I feel so embarrassed now though and mum guilt has kicked in - I keep thinking that there’s plenty of full time working parents who don’t have a cleaner so what am I doing wrong.

She only does 2 hours a week but she did start out doing 3, with the idea initially being that she would do the general clean in 2 hours and do one deep-cleaning thing each time, she is the one who asked for fewer hours. We pay above the average rate which is not me congratulating ourselves by any means and we never minded as she does do an excellent job, just to clarify we are not under-paying her or anything like that!

I guess I just feel a bit ashamed and don’t know if she had a point or was this weird? Presumably people have cleaners to clean and sometimes the house is not in top shape when your cleaner arrives, but I thought that was normal? As I said we never leave messes for her to deal with later on purpose or any disgusting things, but part of me can’t help but feel extremely ashamed and bad!

This.

OP her two hours are for cleaning your house, not for having to remove and sort out piles of mess first every time to then be able to clean.

It just sounds it is impossible for her to do her job as it stands.

I expect any cleaner will also tell you that you either need to pay for a longer session if your house is really always in a state or you need to become tidier so your cleaner can clean, not waste time picking up things that two adults should be able to sort out for themselves.

There is a lot of entitlement on this thread...

I think that having parties/hosting over the weekend and then just leaving everything for the cleaner to sort out in her usual two hours a week is taking the piss and taking advantage of her. No wonder she is making it clear that this is not working.

I tidy up before cleaner comes so that she can do her job easily. It's hard to clean when there's clutter around

She reduced the hours, as she could clean in the 2 hours and was honest about that. She then turned up to clean this week after OP had hosted and left the house a mess. It’s quite clear that she couldn’t clean the house is the usual 2 hours. (Based on her feedback to OP’s DH)

Nothing wrong with people’s reading comprehension, just your understanding of the situation.

I worked as a cleaner in hotels then after uni did some cleaning for homes and bloody hell it was hard by comparison! It’s so much easier cleaning when it’s just cleaning and not tidying or moving around other peoples stuff.

If she’s cleaning for only 2 hours she JUST needs to clean. It’s not about judging you, it’s about not making her job impossible. If she’s busy and in high demand, you’ll lose her - that’s why she’s telling you.

She's a cleaner not someone to tidy your mess away. Sounds like she wants to let you go. A good cleaner is so hard to get.

Maybe sit down and talk with h to find out exactly what she means and what is expected of her?

I had a cleaner for a few months. She made it clear at the outset that she was there to clean not to tidy. She could only clean if work surfaces were clear, floors clear etc. She was brilliant but after a few months I let her go - it was quite stressful making sure the house was ready for the cleaner. If I was working away I would be phoning my husband to make sure the house was ok. I do miss it but it’s less hassle!

does she go over the 2 hours in order to get it done? if not then I can’t see her problem. She spends two hours, does what she can in the time and gets paid. If there are bits she can’t get round to because she’s clearing up then so be it. She can tell you – I couldn’t clean the bathroom floor today because I ran out of time. If she’d rather clean a very tidy house then she’s better look for another client. Can’t believe the number of pp her telling you you need to tidy before she comes

I don’t think it’s controversial, it’s what has been agreed upfront.
We have expectations that the dc will learn to pick up after themselves and keep their rooms in a state that takes 10-15 minutes once a week to get it into a state that’s sensible - they do help with cleaning too (we obviously have to clean daily ourselves but having the cleaner in once a week helps us all keep on top of everything mostly because it forces everyone to do very regular tidy ups!) - our cleaner is a diamond, she has always worked with us to make our house feel lovely hut 4 hours would be stretching it too much if she had to also tidy away the things I mentioned in my earlier post and she does a max of 4 hour cleans at a time so this works for us and your arrangement works for you.
If our cleaner came in and was expected to tidy she wouldn’t necessarily know where things lived if it was a one off so we would end up in a bit of a muddle or there would be piles of things she didn’t know what to do with which would need sorting out by us anyway!

@tokajlover, it would be great if you came back after talking to your cleaner and explaining what she meant. Im wondering if shes maybe been having a bad day and your dh got the sharp end of it?
Either way, you sound sensible, im sure you will both work it out.

2 hours doesn’t sound enough for roasting and cleaning. You’re expecting too much of her.

This is so rude. I'd be finding another cleaner who doesn't make me feel like shit. Why is she even a cleaner if she can't be bothered to do her job? If you cleaned yourself before she arrives what would you need her for? lol.

Nope. Op said cleaner was moaning about “every single time “. It wasn’t just a one off. Cleaner messed up her initial estimate. And what’s with all this pussyfooting around suppliers? If it’s so hard to get cleaners why is that? If there is excess demand, either for cleaning or cleaning and tidying services - and there obviously is, cos on this very thread there are some posters forced to scramble to tidy up and clean a bit already to measure up to their cleaners’ high standards before their cleaners arrive, as cleaners mysteriously seem ok to take money to do a certain type of cleaning, but not too much… and seemingly not to tidy - that’s labour that is currently being done unpaid when it could have been bought in. So why are there no new entrants to the market? Why don’t new entrants enter at a higher price to increase supply? Or new entrants who will tidy but at a higher price? Seems the laws of economics don’t hold in this area.

roasting?

She needs more time!

My family sounds similar and my cleaner does six hours. - a good tidy, clean, ironing etc.

In two hours they will struggle to get everything looking good if starting from a degree of chaos.

Tidying and cleaning are two different things. If she can’t clean without needing to tidy every time then yes, she’s got the right to complain, but perhaps should’ve told you from the go that she doesn’t tidy, she only cleans.

Sounds like you want a housekeeper rather than a cleaner. Moving mess interrupts the flow of the clean and it’s irritating for someone who
likes cleaning and wants to ‘get in with it’ and have that satisfaction of an efficient job well done.

Get bins and storage containers in each room so you can stay on top of the clutter and chaos of day to day living. You’re busy it’s okay but tidying isn’t something all cleaners offer.

Am not an expert in cleaners, only ever had one friend once who had a cleaner and he used to make the place spotless before she came so she could then clean.

I presume that cleaners should be cleaners, not tidyuppers?

2 hours for a 3 bed is not long.

When we had a cleaner our house was never tidier before she came!

You clearly don’t understand the difference between tidying and cleaning.

No cleaner ever expects someone to do any cleaning before the cleaner comes. If there is no agreement to tidy, then you should always do a bit of tidying before the cleaner comes. E.g. pick up clothes off the floor, remove things like breakfast dishes and cereal boxes off a table, take cups from bedrooms and put in the dishwasher and put things like toothpaste lids back on and put it away. A cleaner, can then clean - hoover, polish, mop, wipe surfaces, clean mirrors etc.

If the agreement is that they tidy and clean (after people have hosted and left their house a mess) then that’s fine. OP expected a cleaner and the cleaner said 2 hours. Clearly OP leaves her house messy a lot more than she lets on and the cleaner has now had enough of her taking the piss.

"Our house was definitely messy today after a weekend where we hosted and were away on the Saturday!"

"I feel so embarrassed now though and mum guilt has kicked in"

It shouldn't be Mum guilt @tokajlover

Given that you've said that both you and your husband have long commutes and you have a 4 year old presumably at school/in childcare, you're all at home for only a few hours in the evening and then weekends (although not this Saturday).

I do wonder just how 2 adults manage to create sufficient mess to prompt your brilliant cleaner to mention it, today, after 4 years of working for you?

Hire. OP is not her employer otherwise she would need to be sorting out her NI and pension contributions. She also would not be able to dispose of her just because she feels judged if that were the case.

I may seem like a pedant but I’ve seen some very disrespectful comments aimed at the cleaner in this thread. All very Hyacinth Bouquet.

It’s just selling your labour, whether it’s tidying or cleaning. Is it not weird that people are happy to sell one skill but not the other?

A waiter tidies as part of the job, and nobody bats an eyelid. Why is tidying such a taboo ?

I understand that needing to tidy makes it harder to clean. But why can’t I just pay someone more to do that too then? I don’t do half my accounts myself before I send the data to my accountant!