Cleaner shamed us for house - not sure how to feel

[tokajlover]

We have had a cleaner for coming up to 4 years now and she’s brilliant, no complains from us whatsoever.

The reason we have a cleaner is because, like most people who do, we find it makes life much easier with a young child, and both my DH and I working a substantial distance from home, about an hour to an hour and a half’s commute a few times a week plus starting this year, school drop offs and pick ups etc. Our lives are chaotic but nothing out of the ordinary for young-ish professionals with a young child, except maybe the substantial commutes. Having a cleaner is definitely a God send!

Apparently, however, today she pulled my husband aside as he was WFH and told him that we need to do better, because she needs to do a “hard factory reset” every time she comes over.

Our house was definitely messy today after a weekend where we hosted and were away on the Saturday! But we don’t leave disgusting messes, food, we don’t have bugs etc (feel ashamed to even have to say this!), we aren’t hoarders, and our house is just a normally messier than we’d like it to be but not disgusting by any means 3 bed. The best way to put this would be, I guess, if announced guests had popped up today I would not have thought it the best time and would have said “sorry for the mess” but I wouldn’t have been excessively worried or scrambling about to get the place ready, as I wouldn’t have thought there was anything particularly bad about it just not “visitor-ready” and messy.

I feel so embarrassed now though and mum guilt has kicked in - I keep thinking that there’s plenty of full time working parents who don’t have a cleaner so what am I doing wrong.

She only does 2 hours a week but she did start out doing 3, with the idea initially being that she would do the general clean in 2 hours and do one deep-cleaning thing each time, she is the one who asked for fewer hours. We pay above the average rate which is not me congratulating ourselves by any means and we never minded as she does do an excellent job, just to clarify we are not under-paying her or anything like that!

I guess I just feel a bit ashamed and don’t know if she had a point or was this weird? Presumably people have cleaners to clean and sometimes the house is not in top shape when your cleaner arrives, but I thought that was normal? As I said we never leave messes for her to deal with later on purpose or any disgusting things, but part of me can’t help but feel extremely ashamed and bad!

I wouldn’t employ a cleaner that made me feel judged. Find a new one.

I have a 3 bedroom house and my cleaner can ‘clean’ it in 2 hours, but that is because she doesn’t have to start tidying before she cleans. Never any pots left out, sides are clear of stuff, no clothes on the floor, toothpaste put away in the storage pot etc.She is here to hoover, polish, mop etc not pick up my crap.

You have admitted that your house was messy because you had hosted, so I can well imagine that you have left lots of plates and glasses all over your kitchen, with lots of dirty pots. I’ll bet your kitchen sides and dining room table are pretty much full of stuff from your hosting.

You and your DH are taking the piss of your cleaner if you think that she can possibly clean all the mess from you hosting and do her usual clean.

You should apologise and either increase her hours or keep the same 2 hours, but clear your shit away before she comes, so she can clean.

You have to find a cleaner who suits your ways and you feel comfortable having in the house. My cleaner is very easy going and I am very easy going. We are both flexible and recognise that some days it is messier and some days she will need to leave earlier. We are both happy with the arrangement.

I completely agree with this. Lots of derogatory language to make people feel small.

Just quoting you specifically to answer but as many people have asked, conversation went something like:

Me (at the beginning when we hired her): “I think you’ll need about 3 hours to clean the house, what do you think?”
Her: “Sounds good!”

A month in:
Her: “2 hours is more than enough for your 3 bed house, I normally do 3 hours for my clients who have 4-5 bedroom homes” (tbf she is super speedy!)
Me: “Ok, if you’re sure; I am very happy to pay for 3 though if needed even if maybe occassionally only not every time”.
Her: “Ok, but it should be fine to do in 2 hours”.

Since, a couple of times she hasn’t had time to do everything in 2 hours and flagged it but either couldn’t stay or didn’t want to for 3 hours. When she told me, I just said ok sure. She has a couple of times charged for 2.5 hours which we have paid accordingly.

Hopefully this clears this up!

Never any pots left out, sides are clear of stuff, no clothes on the floor, toothpaste put away in the storage pot etc.She is here to hoover, polish, mop etc not pick up my crap.

Is it actually a roombot?😂

Thanks, yes it does.

And so it was her that reduced the slot then told you to clean up your act so she can fit the job in.

I think that's a bit cheeky.

I think it’s hard because you’ve known her a while so it’s more of a shock. If it were a new cleaner it probably wouldn’t have bothered you as much. I do think it was rude of her and the chat will help to clarify things. But I also think the relationship will be less positive now that she’s made you feel that way.

and of course it’s ok to post all this! Most things are solved by talking IRL but if that happened MN wouldn’t exist! It’s good to have a rant or even just get things down in written form. Gets it out your head and can help unjumble your thoughts.

Dont feel guilty. Sounds like you’re in the juggling act of parenting and I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. I hope it can be resolved. I don’t have a cleaner but I know good ones are gold dust (apparently according to Mn!!!)

Sorry I say that all the time put your shit away I say it to my kids my husband just a word I use. I have worked alongside many cleaners and they all say the same thing, it is infuriating having to spend so long putting stuff away so that you can clean.

We are not taking the piss out of her because no such expectation was voiced by us? If she ever needed more than 2 hours to stay then that’d be fine, has occassionaly happened before as mentioned above, although not often. or if she couldn’t and didn’t have time to finish everything in the 2 hours she wants to work for us we’d also understand and say fine and pay for her time as usual (as has also happened on the past). Where did we make any demands of her? You’re also projecting a lot about what you think was there.

I feel like people think we have or would criticise her ability to clean which is just complete projection - she is more than entitled to flag anything at all as only she can be ok or not with the hours and tasks she does, but nowhere did we ever have an issue with any of this, except for myself thinking initially 2 hours was not enough to clean even a fully tidy house of our size, but I would have rather accepted 2 hours of her cleaning and us finishing the rest as she is a great cleaner!

if it was disgusting - shit stains in the toilet etc then she should just hand her notice in.
if it’s requiring more time she should say actually can we go back to three hours.
Telli g you off for not having the house at her standard is rude. I’d probably just look for someone else.

I think she has got a nerve. I’d get someone else .

Your cleaner comes to clean, not to tidy.

If you have a messy house then you need to tidy the mess in order for the cleaner to do her job!

Seems there’s a gaping void in the market for tidiers. Maybe they can take over from the multitudes of snooty cleaners who seem to think it’s beneath them!

I can’t put my 2 up 2 down terrace properly right in two hours.

Did she maybe mean that the house was so messy she couldnt really get to the cleaning bit? Assuming she had to give it a tidy first

I know this is very controversial thing to say on Mumsnet, but our cleaner spends a significant period of the time tidying. We spoke about this before hiring them. That is absolutely why we need them! They’ve been with us almost 10 years and they never complain and of course we don’t complain about the standards of cleaning if we left more mess. I can’t see the point of a cleaner who is offended by mess and (normal) dirt personally.

I think this might be it. A lot of people do it by the sounds of it, so it might be that cleaners have now got quite used to this and think their job is to clean a house that hardly needs cleaning.

Maybe now you have a 4 yrs and at the start you had a baby.
Also you don’t employ her, she’s self-employed. So she sets her rates not the client.
Also if I was the cleaner and found out what you were saying about me online! I would drop you as a client.

You just need to talk to her, say that DH passed on message and you just want to clarify. Does she need more hours, or would rather come to a tidy ISH house so she can just get on with cleaning. Hard reset sounds like she is spending ages picking up and putting things away. Maybe that's not her preferred work, although after 4 years she must know what you are like as clients!

You need to tidy before she arrives so that she can clean. It’s not fair to expect her to clean the whole house if she has to spend an hour on tidying everything away first.

Sorry, but you are taking the piss out of her.

You have admitted that your house was messier than usual and when she voiced a concern about if needing a reset, you have moaned about her on here.

Come on, be honest about the state of your house and just agree that she gets more time to clean.

But the cleaner was the one who reduced the hours? You sometimes wonder about folk’s reading comprehension, honestly.

If it’s agreed in advance that they will tidy and clean, then that’s not an issue. Expecting someone to try and clean a really messy house is unfair.

Its best to do what you have done and be upfront about things.

Most cleaners don’t tidy. They are there to clean and messes make that harder. I’m guessing that’s what she meant.